One Art
by Mr. Fishy
Summary: And then she said the one word that shattered my heart: No. Liley
1. Prolog

_**One Art**_

_The art of losing isn't hard to master;  
so many things seem filled with the intent  
to be lost that their loss is no disaster,_

Lose something every day. Accept the fluster  
of lost door keys, the hour badly spent.  
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

Then practice losing farther, losing faster:  
places, and names, and where it was you meant  
to travel. None of these will bring disaster.

I lost my mother's watch. And look! my last, or  
next-to-last, of three beloved houses went.  
The art of losing isn't hard to master.

I lost two cities, lovely ones. And, vaster,  
some realms I owned, two rivers, a continent.  
I miss them, but it wasn't a disaster.

-- Even losing you (the joking voice, a gesture  
I love) I shan't have lied. It's evident  
the art of losing's not too hard to master  
though it may look like (Write it!) a disaster.

_**Elizabeth Bishop**_

…..

The first time it happened I can pin point every small unimportant detail. It was August 23rd of our sophomore year. She was wearing her usual brown baggy skater shorts and a red top with black strips. Her hair was pulled back in a french braid.

I was sitting in English class. We were reading _The Scarlet Letter_ by Nathaniel Hawthorne. Lily was in front of me, she was doodling in her notebook. I considered jotting down a quick note about what we should do after school but I resisted. Mr. Duke has eyes in the back of his head.

I tapped my pencil and stared off into space and then I felt something warm on my hand. I looked down and it was Lily. She had her hand over mine. I looked up at her. She was smiling and her lips were moving.

But I didn't hear anything. I just kept thinking about her hands. They were so smooth. I liked that her fingernails were painted black. Her nails had gotten longer over the summer. I noticed how well she'd been taking care of them.

The second time I can't tell you the date, but it was some time during Christmas break. Lily and I were at her house sitting on her bed flipping through magazines. We were trying to find the interview I did a few weeks back.

Lily found it first. She flipped her long hair out of her face. A few golden locks brushed across my face. She smelled like raspberries. She laughed and pointed, the picture of Hannah was terrible. But I was so caught up with her hair.

I realized just how much I loved it long. I loved her long blonde hair. It reminded me of my grandmother's sunflower patch back in Tennessee. And it smelled _so _good. I can remember leaning over her shoulder, pretending to look at the article. But I was really breathing in her scent.

There had been other times too. Little things, like maybe she would be wearing tighter outfits. Not her usual skater girl clothes and I noticed… in a different way then a best friend. I noticed it like the boys at school noticed.

It bothered me. I had never thought about girls in _that way_. But Lily made me feel… different. When we walked side by side and our shoulders would brush I felt something. But I didn't know what that was. It confused me, and threw me mixed signals.

So I did the only thing I could think of. I buried those feelings deep, deep down. I ignored everything. I let it go. It's not like I was going to talk to Lily about me feeling differently towards her. But it doesn't matter, because I forgot all about that last year… But, the thing is though; I'm feeling it again… and it's ten times worse.

I'm lying on my bed. It's late Sunday afternoon. Lily is out with her mom tonight and Oliver is baby sitting his younger brother. I can hear my dad down stairs strumming along on his guitar. Jackson is out on a date with his girlfriend of the weekend Abby. I close my eyes.

I listen to the wave's crash outside my window. I think about her sometimes, I won't deny it. I never feel ashamed about the way I think about her until I'm standing with someone else. At dinner, with my dad and Jackson, I'll remember my pervious thoughts and cringe.

I feel disgusted with myself when I look at her in the hallways. I spend time in the bathroom hiding in the stalls. I've tried to stop, to look the other way but it's become impossible. I try to uncover why this is wrong? Who says? But then I see my fellow students in the halls.

Their eyes scanning, judging and I remember. In the safety of my mind I have her. I can touch her with the tenderness she deserves. I can whisper in her ear and make her laugh. But now, outside the corners of my mind there is only disgust. Maybe I should resent Lily for making me feel so special. But I can't, I can't do anything but loath myself.

I'm the problem, society says. I'm the disease. My desires and needs sicken half the world's population. I can't reveal my true secret, my true identity. All there is inside of me is frustration. I can't live with myself anymore. I've kept so much to myself, so many years I've been hiding.

I'm bursting at the seams. I need to let go and let out my pains and sorrows. But I can't! I won't! Am I really what I think I am? Can I even bear to say it? Or let alone speak it out loud? I don't know. I'm so lost. I pull the covers over my head and try to focus on something other then my rapidly beating heart.

I'm loosing my nerve, my confidence. Someone please, please help me. I like her… I like her… why is that so hard to think? To say? I don't want her to reject me. I don't want my father to look at me differently if I tell him my confusion. But maybe it's just a phase like they say?

Maybe it's just an unfair trail I must pass to get on with my life. Maybe tomorrow morning I'll wake up and turn my other cheek. Maybe tomorrow I'll like boys again.

…..

**Author's Note:** I'm sorry to report that I will not be returning to _Sailboats_. I have a new idea and I'm going to stick with it. I've got a good outline and a marvelous twist. I'm really looking forward to writing this. And hopefully I will have you wonderful reader's support. I've decided on taking another spin on the ever dramatic storyline of Miley and Lily. (Also, the poem in the beginning will make perfect sense later on.) Leave your thoughts…


	2. Freedom

I've decided to take art this year. It's my junior year of high school and after two years of drama I'm ready to close that door. Mrs. Fredrick, the visual arts teacher, is old. She has short gray hair and bright green eyes that pierce into yours through her small pink glasses. Most students who've had her in the past gave her the infamous name of the Art Nazi.

Personally, I can see why, she's very picky. Often she purses her lips at a student's art work if it is, well, less then satisfactory. But for an elderly lady she sure can dress. Mrs. Fredrick likes to wear very unusual clothes.

Her style changes like the seasons. It's late October so her color patterns revolve around red, gold, and orange. Today she's wearing a long red rayon dress and a pretty orange leaf necklace. Light jazz music is playing from her computer speakers.

We've been focusing on creating self portraits. I'm currently working on my nose. I check in the small table mirror and then look back to my paper. Hopeless, I'm not an artist. Art is one of the only classes that I don't have with one of my friends. There're a lot of freshmen scattered about and one or two seniors. But over all the class is fairly small.

I sit up front close to the Art Nazi's desk. She is flipping through some of the older projects. Her lips clamp together when she reaches Bonnie's, the girl next to me, paper. Last week we were shading circles. And from the look on Mrs. Fredrick's face, Bonnie didn't do so hot.

Out of the corner of my eye I watch Bonnie sigh, defeated. She looks back at her paper and begins filling in darker shades inside of her eyes. But to be honest, I kind of like Mrs. Fredrick, she's not _that _bad. I believe that underneath her hard shell is a decent human begin.

I mean she's tough, but fair. And she's got great taste in music! A few weeks ago I heard her humming a Hannah Montana song. She's a mystery and I like it. Her class is the only class that takes my mind off other unpleasant things.

I love walking in here for my fifth period. It's like a breath of fresh air. The walls are white underneath all of the paintings from years past. She has a large bulletin board with the famous artist we will be learning about for the next two weeks. This time it's Henri Matisse. I have to admit, I like his work.

"Alright class." Mrs. Fredrick says standing up from her desk. She walks over to the board, her long dress trailing after her like the waves of an ocean. "Your self portraits should be completed by Wednesday." Quickly she picks up a blue market and jots our class period number and Wednesday down on the top left corner of the white board. She turns around on her heel.

"The bell with be ringing momentarily I suggest all of you begin cleaning your stations." With a nod Mrs. Fredrick glides back to her desk and seats herself down in her black chair. I begin to gather my pencils and erasers but then I hear someone calling my name. "Miss. Stewart?"

My snaps up. "Yes?"

Mrs. Fredrick looks at me with her intense green eyes and grins behind her new dark yellow glasses. "See me after class." And then her head is down and flipping, once again, through the stacks and stacks of papers.

I swallow hard, sure I might like Mrs. Fredrick but that doesn't mean she doesn't scare me. I walk to the back of the room and put my picture away in the fifth period shelf like everyone else.

I hear the bell ring and the students scatter. They sprint for the door. I stay behind and walk slowly up to her desk. The room is quiet and smells like paint. I can hear people moving about outside. The school is up and alive with walking feet and excited chit-chatting.

"Miss. Stewart."

I don't like the way she says my name. She smiles and clasps her hands together and leans back in her chair. The jazz song has long ended and I wish it back with all my might. I need something to get me away from silence. Because when there isn't some kind of distant background noise my body stiffens and thoughts, old thoughts of yesterday come flooding back.

"You haven't turned in your circle shading project. It was due a while ago. Now, I have noticed a distinct change in you these past few weeks. So, I'm willing for you to turn it in tomorrow with only five points taken off. Do we have a deal Miss. Stewart?"

I stand still and think it over. I turned that project in. Didn't I? "I think I already turned that in."

Mrs. Fredrick smiles coyly. "You are more then welcome to look through my paper but I've been searching since fourth period today. But how about we do this tomorrow? You have another class and I'm finished for the day."

Swiftly she writes out a late note for me on a pink post-it. Stripping it she hands it to me. "Have a good afternoon." She says quietly. I take the note and grab my binder and leave. The hallways are deserted. I walk slowly. The school is set up into four different buildings. My English class is far on the other side of the court yard.

I walk on the sidewalk and stare up at the gray sky. October weather was always so beautiful in Tennessee. Changing leaves and cool air that wraps around you. I glance down at the post-it. Mrs. Fredrick has fascinating handwriting. All her letters loop together in a cursive swirl. I keep trudging along. Lily is going to be upset that we didn't walk to English together. But, I'm a little happy this happened.

Walking with Lily creates more problems and new tangled webs. What's worse is that I'm going to a Hannah party tonight with her. Some new rising singer is hosting a huge party to celebrate his success. I'm not sure who it was exactly. My celebrity friend Tracy didn't specify. But, being Hannah, I'm expected to attend and besides Lily was really looking forward to it. I hate disappointing her.

When I get to English everyone is reading our newest novel _As I Lay Dying _by William Faulkner. Mr. Newman is sitting at his desk running his hand over his brown mustache and reading something. I walk over quietly and hand over my note. His mustache twitches up. He's dark eyes look up at me.

"I do not tolerate tardiness. Make sure Mrs. Fredrick receives this message. If you are twenty minutes late for me class again it's a blue slip." Mr. Newman warns.

"I understand." I whisper. As I turn around dozens of students are staring at us, clearly more fascinated with our conversation then the reading material. I sit in the back of the room behind Lily and beside Oliver.

Lily's hair is down today and slightly curled at the bottom. I fight a sudden madding urge to touch it. I grit my teeth down and pull out my copy of the novel. There's an overhead projector with questions to answer after the reading of the first three chapters.

Oliver has his head down and is sleeping. I shake my head, smiling. Lily has her back hunched over and is writing furiously. Must be a good day for her, I have to admit Lily excels when it comes to English. She hates to admit it but she enjoys it.

We've had to write short stories numerous times and I'm always excited to able to read hers first. It's always good and well thought out. It amazes me how she had this talent all along. I, on the other hand, am only a critic. I can't write but I do love to read and Lily supplies that need for me.

Lily's body jerks up; she spins around and smiles at me. Her face is flushed and her bangs are in her face. She pushes them back and whispers, "Where were you? I waited outside of the Art Nazi's room as long as I could."

I clutch my hands tightly together under my desk. Lily's brow is knitted together with concern. Her lips capture my full attention. They are dark red and shine slightly in the dim room. I know she's not wearing lip gloss, Lily prefers not to, instead she just licks her lips constantly to gain that shine.

I watch her quickly lick her lips and my breath is gone. I tighten my jaw. "Miley?" I release my hands and rub my sweaty palms on my jeans.

"I didn't turn a project in for Mrs. Fredrick she just needed to talk to me." I whisper back hastily.

"No talking!" Mr. Newman barks from his desk. "Miss. Truscott would you kindly do me the honor of turning around." Lily quickly whips back to facing the front of the room. "Thank-you." Mr. Newman says. "And Mr. Oken! Don't think I can't see you drooling over there!"

Quick as lightening Oliver jumps up. "The answer is thirty five and a half!" Oliver shouts looking around wide eyed. A few hushed chuckles skip around the room.

"Thank-you Mr. Oken but we are in _English _class! Now finish reading!" Mr. Newman growls.

Oliver blushes and sinks down in his seat. Now, Mr. Newman he really is evil. I doubt there is anything else to him but his hard shell. I settle in and escape into Faulkner's world. Before I can even begin on the questions the bell rings. Lily packs her things quickly and waits as I slowly stand and search for my pencil.

"Have you seen my p-" I start.

"Here!" Lily smiles handing it over. "You dropped it on the floor." I take it from her and our fingers brush. Lily and I stand both still holding the pencil. Her blue eyes flicker with a new light. And then just as quickly as it appeared it leaves me. I take the pencil and shove it into my binder.

As the three of us walk the halls together Oliver, once again, begins to complain. "Well you two have fun at your party."

"Oliver, come on! You can't go because you waited till the last minute to do your science project." Lily states simply as she puts away her books in her locker. I would add on but these days I find myself slowly becoming introverted.

"Whatever. But just think of me while you two are off having a great time. I'll be at home writing a stupid paper." Oliver grips slinging his bag over his shoulder.

"Don't worry we'll have fun for you." Lily laughs as we walk out to the parking lot. "… Miley? You sure have been quiet, what's up?" She asks directing all the attention onto me.

"Nothing, I'm just a little tired. I'll half to take a quick nap to get ready for the party." I reply lamely.

"Oh, okay… hey how about I drive this time? No one will recognize my pink bug will they?" Lily queries.

"Yeah that will work; you know how much I love Pinkerton." I say smiling weakly. Oliver waves goodbye as he runs off to his car, actually his mother's old station wagon but we like to let that slide and let Oliver keep his manly dignity.

I open the door to Pinkerton (Lily's old bug) and slide inside. The radio doesn't work; Lily keeps promising that she's saving up for a new one. She works part time at the library, she doesn't make much but she likes the hours and people.

"What time should I come to pick you up?" She asks as we drive down the familiar highway to my house.

"Seven, the party doesn't start till eight." I answer quickly. I watch as Lily nods and taps her thumbs on the steering wheel. She starts to hum and I sink into the brown cloth seat. I bite my lower lip and count the seconds. Lily begins to ramble on about her hatred for Mr. Newman.

I watch her facial features twist up as she attempts her best impression of him. She gets a laugh out of me when her voice drops an octave and it sounds so identical to Mr. Newman that I have to clap and praise.

"It's nice hearing you laugh." Lily says as she turns on my street. I know it was meant as a simple nothing statement but I felt my stomach flip at her words. I quietly curse myself as she pulls up into my driveway.

"See you at seven Miley, and be ready to par-ty!" Lily shouts to me as I opened my front door. I wave back at her and walk inside. I find Jackson lying on the couch with a washcloth over his eyes.

"Jackson?"

"Humph." He groans. "I hate college. So many papers… so many tests… just kill me Miles."

I sit on the edge of couch and watch him sit up. "Suck it up buddy!" I tell him slapping his back.

"Wow thanks." He says sarcastically. "Oh and dad says he's going to be at a Hannah meeting till eight. And to be careful at the party tonight, I think Roxy's going to be there too."

"Aw man, having a body guard is such a drag." I laugh getting up and walking into the kitchen.

The Hannah wig itches tonight. I look into my full length mirror and sigh. At least my make-up isn't smearing. I've been sweating a little every since six o'clock. I'm wearing the new outfit I picked with Lily one afternoon at the mall last week. It's a dark green dress. I've wrapped a brown belt around the middle to give it something more and then I threw on my short jean jacket.

I'm standing in the living room looking out the window. Seven o'clock is approaching. I hear her car wheels on the driveway and I see the headlight scan my living room wall.

"Jackson! I'm leaving!" I shout up the stairs. I wait for his answer and a moment later I hear him shout back an okay. I grab my purse and house keys and leave. I see Lily smiling from the driver's seat in her red wig.

I swallow and breathe in fast and deep before popping open the door and ducking my head in. After I'm buckled and comfortable Lily puts the car in drive and backs out. Night life in Malibu is quite the scene. There's wild parties on every turning corner once you hit the city.

Lily is particularly quiet tonight. I glance over at her from the corner of my eye. She's putting her full concentration on the road. Lily has never been fully comfortable driving at night. But, she's getting better. I smile at her encouragingly, for an odd reason I feel… good. Here we are going to a party dressed up in itchy wigs and fashionable outfits. Why can't I just be happy?

I'm now determined to have a good time. I slap a smile on my face and let a giggle slip out from my mouth.

"What's so funny?" Lily asks.

"We're going to party!" I shout throwing my hands up but hitting them, rather hard, on the roof of Pinkerton. "Ow!" I hiss holding my hands.

Lily bursts out laughing. The pain in my hands vanishes and I'm under her spell. Lily's laughter is the only medicine for me.

"Y-You okay?" She asks me in between giggles.

"Just grand, thanks for laughing at me!" I smile, pretending to be upset and throwing a glare at her. Lily just shakes her head.

We arrive at the party with ten minutes to spare. The security guards let us slip through the red rope and in through the glass doors. Music is pounding out of the speakers with HelloGoodbye's song _All of Your Love_. Lily bops her head along and shrugs her shoulders at me. I gather my courage and take her hand; it's still just as smooth as I remember.

We walk together to the where drinks are being served. Lily and I sit up on the bar stools and order two iced sprites. I let my eyes quickly scan her outfit. As always her Lola clothes are tighter and more punk rock. Tonight she's dressed in reds, blacks and whites to color coordinate with her hair.

She's wearing fishnet tights and a short black skirt. Her top is red with white dots, and a white headband with red dots is in her hair. I smile and sip my drink through a green straw. "So who's the host of this shindig?" Lily inquires craning her neck over the crowds of people.

"I'm not sure." I reply putting the drink down. Another song blasts over the speakers.

"Ooh I love this song!" Lily squeals.

I don't think I've heard this before. "What is it?!" I shout over the music.

"Modest Mouse- Dashboard!" Lily tells me jumping up. "Dance with me Hannah!" She laughs. It's not a question, more of a gentle request. I slowly slide off the stool and awkwardly follow Lily out to the dance floor. She swings her hips and shakes her head. For a spilt second I worry that the wig might fall off.

"Oh come on _Hannah_ I know you can groove way better then that!" Lily jokes taking my hand and twirling me around. I feel self conscious with her here. All those past and present feeling are bubbling up to the surface. I want to scream but instead I let Lily grab me and twirl me around again. The second time I join in.

The song isn't half bad. And I want to stick with the resolution I made in the car- I'm going to have a good time. I let myself go. I shake my head and let my fake blonde hair run wild. Lily lets out a howl and we bump, hip to hip. I hear a few people whistle from behind us. The dance floor is packed.

I can hear Lily along with a few others singing along: _"The dashboard melted but we still had the radio!" _

Lily claps her hands and I laugh out loud. Yes! Yes! I'm having fun; this is what I wanted back. The friendship and no attraction.

"_Oh it would've been, could've been worse than you would ever know."_ Lily sings along. She smiles at me and I smile back. But then her hands take mine. We swing them from side to side and twirl together. My body comes too close to hers and then something in me bursts. My hands want to touch her again. My mind is becoming unfocused. The song is at its climax.

I put my hands on her hips. I find Hannah taking control, she is bursting with confidence. I leave poor, meek Miley far behind. Lily doesn't look disgusted. She lets her hands rest on my shoulders. But then something inside of me backs down. I quickly tear my hands away and bring them back to me. Lily drops her hands and tilts her head in confusion. I don't know what to say.

The song ends and everyone claps. I weave myself out of the crowd. I rush back to the bar and take a swig of my sprite. My body is tingling with her touch, her smell.

"Hannah? Hannah?"

I see Lily making her way to me. I turn around and clutch the end of the bar counter. I feel her hand on my back. I jump away. That touch is too much. I slowly turn to her and smile weakly.

"Sorry, I was… I mean it got a little crowded I just needed some space." I confess lamely.

"Okay." Lily says slowly. We stand far apart. Lily has her arms folded over her chest. "Should I take you home?"

I look up at Lily. Her eyes are searching mine. Her blue eyes look lost in the yellow lime light of the room. "Yeah, I'm a little tired tonight."

Lily nods and we walk out together, but not side by side. She walks out first and I trail behind her mentally slapping myself again and again. I'll wait until I get home to cry or scream out in frustration. When we are in the car and finally driving I rip the wig off and stare out the window.

Lily takes hers off too. Her blonde hair falls out still complied in a tight bun. I sit down in my sit and watch the road signs and white lines of the road. Lily, Lily, Lily you have no idea what you do to me. I put my head in my hands. Lily clears her throat. I wait for her to speak but she doesn't. I have, what feels like a golf ball, jammed down my throat. I open my mouth but nothing comes out.

I just want to go home and pull the covers over my head and pretend this never happened. When we reach my driveway Lily stops and puts the car in park. "Did I do something wrong?" She finally asks.

"No! I mean no, of course not Lily." Saying her name makes me feel strange.

"Then what the _hell_ just happened?" Her eyes narrow at me. I look out of the windshield and sigh.

"I don't know." And what I say is true, I don't really understand what is happening to me. "I need to get inside." I mutter and then open the door. I want her to stop me. I want her to tell me that she feels this torment too. I want her to take my hand and say it will all go away.

But she doesn't.

I don't look back as I unlock the front door and step inside. I hear her car pull out and the headlights shine through the windows. The house is dark, Jackson is probably already asleep. I feel a little sick; I walk to the kitchen and turn the knob on the sink slowly. It makes a small moan in protest.

Water slowly trickles down. I put my hand under the water, its cold. I place my wet hand on the back of my neck. It feels so good. My purse and jacket are left on the couch. I keep adding water to my sore neck. I relax my shoulders by moving them forward and backward. Tomorrow is another day. Tomorrow I'll pretend like nothing ever happened. I turn off the sink.

"Rise and shine bud!"

I crack open one eye. My dad is standing next to my bed smiling. I open the other eye and sit up. "How was the meeting?" I yawn.

"Same old, same old they just wanted to go over the yearly contract. Make sure we'll still happy and all. Come on, I made pancakes." He bends down and kisses my forehead and then walks away.

I pull my hair out of its nightly pony tail and let my eyes adjust to the light. The Malibu sun is happily spreading its rays into my bedroom window. The ocean waves seem softer today. I get dressed quickly, for once, and run downstairs.

"…So anyway I think she's the one dad. I mean she thinks I'm funny!" Jackson exclaims digging into his pancakes.

"When do we meet her?" My dad asks giving me my plate.

"Don't know; we're taking things slow. Besides she's taking a lot of challenging courses this year for college." Jackson informs before taking a sip of milk.

I poke at my plate. I'm glad Jackson's happy… I wish I could be happy.

"What's wrong bud?" My dad leans down and puts his arm around me. His eyes are worried. I shrug my shoulders

"If I knew I'd tell you." Well that was partly true.

"Is Lily going to pick you up today? I haven't seen her-" Just as my dad was about to finish I head a car horn beep in the driveway. Shock jolts through my body. She's here? Is she still mad? Will she interrogate me?

"Well bye dad." I say awkwardly as I grab my bag.

"Have a good day Miles!" He calls after me. I get outside and sure enough there is Pinkerton and Lily. She's smiling weakly and beckoning me over. Maybe she's decided to forget about everything too! Lily's never been one to hold a grudge for too long. I get into the car.

"So?" I ask.

"So?" Lily sighs looking down.

"You came?" I say surprised.

Lily smiles softly, still looking down. "I wouldn't leave you."

For an odd reason the way she said that it made my body shiver. It held so much more then what it appeared.

By the time we got to school everything was back to normal… well all except one thing. When Lily and I walked down the hall we walked as far from each other as we could. We wouldn't touch. I'm not sure if that's what I want anymore. But, I suppose it's for the best. For me to get back on track I just have to slowly separate myself from those kinds of situations.

Art class came to me like a dream. After lunch (Oliver sat in between us. Distance, we need distance.) My mind became hazy. Art… Art… a chance at freedom. But as I turned the silver knob of the door I realized- the project! I hadn't looked for it or anything! I cursed myself bitterly as I made my way to my sit next to fearful Bonnie.

Today Mrs. Fredrick is wearing a golden top and a light brown skirt. Her shoes are practical and brown as well. She's wearing an orange ring and matching earrings. She's standing perfectly still at the head of the classroom.

"Good afternoon pupils." She greets, her green eyes flashing a quick warning to the usual trouble makers in the back of the class. "Today you will be finishing up you self portraits. I will expect complete silence during this task. And those of you who still need to turn late work in…" She pauses here and stares at me. "I suggest you get on that immediately. That is all." She walks to her desk with a gracefully air and then seats herself.

I gulp and make my way over to her. "Mrs. Fredrick?"

I'm not all together sure what terrifies me, or anyone else for that matter, the most about her. Maybe it's her green eyes. Or maybe it's the way she shows no emotion. It's funny but I find myself wanting to know more about this woman. We don't have any insight into her life.

"Hello Miss. Stewart, I suppose you are here to look for your paper?"

I nod as she picks up a large stack of long white papers. She grins as I try my best not to drop them. I walk to my desk and sit down. I watch Mrs. Fredrick for another moment. I don't see a wedding ring on her. Maybe her husband died? Or maybe she never married, forever alone. This new thought makes me sad. I look down and begin to search for my paper. Bonnie sighs angrily at her picture. Ah, art!

"So how was art?" Lily asks as we walk outside together to English.

"Not bad, I found my old project so I'll get a fair grade." I tell Lily smiling. Things are okay. Things are slowing down. Now, all I have to do is keep my head above the rising water and maybe I'll survive. And maybe I'll still have Lily in the end.

……

**Author's Note: **I'd like to thank everyone who reviewed. If you haven't noticed I'm going to take things slow. I don't like throwing everything into the first two chapters. Also, keep an eye out for Mrs. Fredrick she'll be important later on, so don't think she's just some random person I threw in here. One more thing, I like putting foreshadowing in my stories so look out for different things. It makes reading so much more fun. Leave your thoughts… (Good? Bad? Tell me; explain your dislikes or likes. I enjoy hearing from you guys.)


	3. Closer

**Author's Note: **Once again, brownie points to my reviewers. You guys make are too kind. I have just one thing, on my last story I put up music I liked to listen to while writing and if anyone cares then try checking out Missy Higgins- "The Wrong Girl." or "Where I Stood." Those songs helped me write the last two chapters and this one. True, I listen to other things but her music always pulls me back.

_CraftyNotePad: _Do you have any idea what kind of effect you have on me? I can't breathe easily about my stories unless I have your blessing. So thank-you, and yes cream is perfect. Also, I'm never planning on topping _Hourglass_ because that's never ever going to happen. On most days I really miss those Okens. (sigh).

…

Lily is sitting on my back porch with her head down reading our European History book. I'm in the kitchen getting drinks and watching her through the window. It's been nine days, five hours, thirty-three minutes, and going on eighteen seconds since we've touched at the party… but who's counting?

It's been a little weird between us, because neither of us wants to discuss it. Every time I gather the courage to bring it up Lily quickly changes the subject. I'm not sure why I'm bothered by it in the first place. Nothing happened. I just put my hands on her hips, it's not like I kissed her or anything. Oh god. Its sounds ridiculous but, I've never thought about kissing her.

I've been memorize by her lips, but I've never fantasized about us doing something like that. I shake my head and pick up the bottled waters and walk outside.

"Hey." I say quickly sitting down on the opposite side of the table. Lily lifts her head and grins.

"I think I've found the solution to our problem-o."

Really? She gets me? She understands? My heart swells with something I've never experienced before.

"I finally found the page on the French revolution." Lily smiles as she turns the book so I can look. I feel my body drop with the false hope. It was stupid to think she would just randomly blurt something like that out. I feel the knot in my side twist.

"That's great." I mutter taking the book. We sit in silence and take notes. I watch Lily's hand as her fingers tightly grip her pencil. She puts too much pressure on her pencil and it snaps.

"Shoot." She hisses; the sudden sound of her voice makes me jump. I want to say something now. I open my mouth. Lily leans back in the wooden chair and sighs. She rubs her temples and then looks at me. Her lips turn downward forming into a thin line. Worry lines are present on her forehead.

I shut my mouth and lick my lips. Lily doesn't move, she keeps sitting sit and it scares me. They way her blue eyes dig into me. I can't take it. The front door opens and I hear my dad calling me. For a moment I keep staring at her. What does she want from me?

"Miley?" Her voice is filled with emotion.

"Yes?" I sound too eager.

"I… I should go home."

This feeling of let down grabs me. My heart sinks and I want her to stay with me. My dad appears in the sliding back porch door.

"Miley?" He asks. I turn to face him, he's smiling softly. "I just wanted to check on you. Is Lily going to stay for dinner?"

We both turn to her. Lily shifts uncomfortably in her seat. "Thanks Mr. Stewart but I…" She trails off as I stand up.

"No, Lily's staying." I tell my dad. He nods at us and leaves to go set an extra plate. "Let's go get you anther pencil." I say.

Lily looks confused for a moment but stands and walks inside with me. She carries the book and papers as I search the kitchen drawers. I pull out a blue one and hand it over to her.

"Why don't we go to your room?" Lily offers. I hate that we're being so stiff and unsure around each other. But, for once, I didn't cause the uneasiness Lily did. It feels good being on the other side. I get to wait for her to make a move.

We jog quickly up the stairs and down the hall to my bedroom. Lily runs her finger over my bookcase as we walk to the bed. She places the homework down gently and we each sit, with one leg under us, on opposite sides of the bed.

I sit at the head next to my pillows and Lily takes the edge. She opens the book and takes out the new pencil. I find myself watching her again. I take an interest in her lips as she silently mouths each word as she reads the text.

Her head is slightly bowed letting her long hair fall forward. Her bangs get in her eyes and she reaches to push them aside but I'm quicker. My fingers touch her soft hair. Lily's blue eyes slowly meet mine. I pull it back and my fingertips brush feather soft against her warm skin.

I realize what I'm doing and recoil my hand like it's been burned. Lily's cheeks become red and she can't meet my eyes anymore. She clears her throat and gathers her crinkled papers together. Inside I' am screaming. What have I done? What was I thinking?

"Girls dinner!"

Lily leaps from the bed, still holding her homework. "I better just go." Lily says hastily before sprinting out of my room. I sit still, ashamed and embarrassed. Why is it always me?

I'm sitting in French class, fourth period. Lily isn't here today. My dad had to drive me to school. Madame Blancheflor is reviewing "to be" verbs on the blackboard. I gaze out the side window. I wonder if our friendship will ever be the same again. Does she hate me? Is she freaked out?

"Faire Miley d'attention! Maintenant répondre numéro cinq."

"Je vais au parc." I answer quickly as Madame Blancheflor writes it out on the board.

"Bon travail." She says turning around and smiling at me. I nod and the lesson continues. We're working quietly on the chapter exercises when the classroom door opens swiftly with a creak. Lily runs in with a frazzled look on her face.

"I'm so, so sorry!" She whines handing Madame Blancheflor a white note.

"En français." Madame Blancheflor smiles wagging her index finger at Lily. The French teacher is convinced to get us to use French regularly. So, there's no English once we step into her classroom. For an hour each school day we are transported miles and miles away to France.

Lily sighs tiredly and replies. "Je suis très désolé que j'étais en retard." Afterwards Lily slips into her seat across from me. I want to reach out to her and apologize again and again. I want her to know that I'm not… I'm not… a what exactly? I still can't say the word let alone speak it. But maybe… maybe I' am. Arrg! This is confusing. No, no I'm not. I'm not anything but what people think. I'm normal.

"Miley!"

I turn around in the hallway. There is a large wave of students crowding the hall. We have five measly minutes to race to each class. The halls are packed and loud, but I hear her voice.

I see her running to catch up to me. Her hand fastens around my wrist. She holds it tightly and I melt under her blue ocean eyes. "I'm sorry." She says simply and sincerely. And I believe her, but often people tell me I put too much faith and love in others. But Lily is different, she never disappoints.

I like having her near me. I've forgotten how good it feels. All this time I've been in overdrive, pressured and anxious. But now, there is peace and quiet. "Lily I-"

The late bell rings and she lets go. "Let's get to lunch." Lily says. I follow her, walking side by side and closer then ever before.

"Guys! Guys over here!" Oliver waves from a small round table. Lily and I smile and sit next to him. "It took forever to get this spot. Where have you two been?" He asks taking a bite out of his sandwich "And Lily, where were you in science? I had to be partnered with Gilbert and you know how much that guy scares me." Oliver shudders.

"I got a late start this morning. My alarm clock got messed up. And you know both my parents leave early in the morning. I didn't have anyone to wake me." Lily states plainly with a shrug of her shoulders.

I sip my water and lunch plays out like normal. Lily and I shared only one solid glance. As she placed her apple on her tray she looked my way out of the corner of her eye. I'm not sure what her eyes expressed. But it made me feel less normal.

Art came and I released a breath I never knew I was holding. The art room sits by itself in a lonely hallway. I can hear Mrs. Fredrick's music before I get to class. I left lunch early to be on time to her class. Her classroom is in a completely different building then the main one.

The door is usually locked. I have to wait until Mrs. Fredrick is done with her lunch and comes to let me in. She never seems to mind that I come early. I'm almost certain that if it was any other kid standing outside she would just leave them there.

But today when I get to the door it's open a little. To reach the actual art room you have to, first, open the door in front of me and then go down a short curved hallway. As I've said it's all alone down on this side of the school. I pull the door open wider and step in. Everything is dark.

I can hear soft melancholy jazz playing from down the hall. I'm not sure if I should keep walking. Do teachers normally listen to sad music in the dark? Curiosity gets the better of me and I keep walking. The music is louder as I reach the room. I turn the corner and I whisper, "Mrs. Fredrick?"

There's a loud snap. It sounds like someone sitting up in a chair. There're quiet mouse footsteps and then the flicker of lights coming on. Mrs. Fredrick is standing by the light switch. Her green eyes are a little red and puffy but they flash dangerously my way. I gulp.

"Miss. Stewart." Her voice is hard and it makes me feel very small. "What, if you mind me asking, are you doing?"

Her eye make-up is smeared. My eyes are finally adjusting to the light. She's wearing a long dark brown dress with small red leaves decorating the bottom hem. I try to speak but my mouth is dry.

"Answer me." Mrs. Fredrick demands, I've never heard her raise her voice before.

"Are you crying?" Is my reply. It was stupid, so stupid, but the words just flouted up and out. I watch her hands curl up in fists. Her jaw is tight.

"You have no right at all as a student to barge into a teacher's classroom unannounced." She glares at me. Her voice is softer this time but stern.

"I didn't mean to… I mean you normally let me in."

"Correct, _I _let you in. You may never come in before the bell. Are we clear?" She stares at me not taking her eyes from me. I nod and then glance to her desk. There is a pile of paintings. There're too good to be a student's work. I meet Mrs. Fredrick's eyes. I want to help. Maybe that's why everyone finds me a little annoying.

"Are these yours?" I ask pointing to the desk. The paintings are wrinkled and the ends are rolling up and a little yellow where white use to be.

"No questions. Get out of here Miss. Stewart."

My eyes dart back to the paintings, there's one of a young woman with blue eyes and long black hair. She's very pretty. "But Mrs. Fredrick…" The bell rings. I can hear students opening the class door and walking down. Mrs. Fredrick walks to her desk and picks up the paintings with great care and then walks to her office/supply closet and shuts the door.

I sit down in my seat and sigh. Bonnie walks over quiet and with a deer in the headlights look in her eyes. A strand of her chin length strawberry hair sticks to her lips. She pulls the hair back and bites her fingernails. "I-Is she here today?" Bonnie asks me, but not meeting my eye. Her gaze lingers on the floor.

It's the first time I've really heard Bonnie speak. Her dark brown eyes look worried and fearful. "Yes." I answer. "I think she's just…" The office door opens. Mrs. Fredrick walks out with her ever graceful air and stands tall and proud up front.

Her make-up has magically become neat and clean once again. There are no traces of tears and red puffiness. How does she do it?

"Today my pupils we will begin on a new project. Since I was less then pleased with your self portraits…" She pauses and quickly glances at Bonnie. Poor Bonnie whimpers and shrinks in her seat. "We will try something new."

Swiftly Mrs. Fredrick glides to the back of the room and pulls out a large canvas. The painting is abstract. Cool colors of blues, greens and purples all swirl together. But the longer I stare I see something completely different. Is that a face?

"Class, we are finished with pencils and carols. Now, we begin with paint. Today I would like you to learn how to mix colors the correct way. I will supply you with primary colors."

After I retrieve all of my supplies I sit back down and begin mixing. I make green first by dapping the tip of my brush into the blue. I spread it slowly then rinse it and add yellow. It's a dark green I've made. A blue green the color chart calls it. Oh how original.

As the hour progresses I find myself enjoying the paint, I like the power. Bam! A purple line there. Boom! A red orange swirl here! I glance over at Bonnie. She is careful and precise about her work. Slowly she rinses the brush and dries it off.

I feel bad for Bonnie, she's just a freshman and already her art life is screwed. She sees me staring.

"What? Is she behind me?!" Quickly Bonnie whips her head around.

"No." I laugh. "I was just watching." Bonnie's breathing goes back to normal and then she tilts her head to the side.

"Well you shouldn't do that. It makes me nervous, I don't like being watched." She says slowly and trying her best not to act terrified.

"Alright." I shrug turning back to the task at hand.

"You know I wanted to be an artist." Bonnie blurts out. I smile, got ya! I look back at her and smile sweetly. I need a friend in this class. And if Bonnie is who I'm going to be stuck with then so be it. Besides she's got something to her.

"Really?" I ask rising my eyebrows.

"Silly isn't it? I mean I'm no good at it. But I just… well I like it." Her deer in the headlights look fades away.

"Well, I wish I could write… I think you and I have something in common Bonnie. We both strive for what can't be had."

She laughs and nods. "Very true." We turn back to the work. After perfecting my purple I look for Mrs. Fredrick. She is bent over helping a young boy in the back. The bell is going to ring any minute now. People begin putting things away. Mrs. Fredrick stands up straight and catches my eye.

She frowns at me and purses her lips together tightly. For an odd reason I feel empowered. I have the upper hand here. I saw her vulnerable. This makes me smile. The bell rings and everyone leaves in a hurry. I take my time. I reach for my binder and begin to walk away. As I'm making my way out I talk over my shoulder to Mrs. Fredrick, "You know, I'm a pretty good listener."

I leave her with that obscure statement. I can see Lily bouncing up and down outside the door with anticipation. Being late for Mr. Newman's class would not be the intelligent choice.

"Finally!" She sighs dramatically. We walk outside and the cool late autumn air tickles my nose.

"You won't believe what I saw after lunch today." I gush to Lily as we walk through the court yard.

"Ooh! You know I can't be left in the dark." Lily's face brightens at the new topic.

"I caught Mrs. Fredrick _crying_." I whisper to her as we walk through the English hall doors.

"No way! The Art Nazi has… feeling?!" Lily exclaims a little too loudly. We run to beat the bell for Mr. Newman's class. As we enter the overhead projector is already on and the questions ready to be answered.

We take our seats and I continue to explain the incident I had. After I finish Lily just sighs. "Wow. That's just so weird. I know it sounds crazy but it's so hard to imagination teachers having actual lives outside of school."

Mr. Newman glares at us from his desk and we decide it's time to get started on the work. I feel so good, despite the Mrs. Fredrick thing, but I feel better around Lily. She seems to have gotten over the all the stupid things I've been doing.

After an hour of sitting perfectly still and reading a rather dull chapter of the novel, class is finished. Oliver had to leave early today for an dentist appointment at one. So it's just me and Lily. We're walking down the hall when she does something all together strange and frightening to me. She takes my hand and pulls me aside.

Lily is up against the wall and I'm barely inches away from her. My mind whirls into freak out mode. The hall is so packed that other kids are bumping into us. "Listen Miley." She starts off. "I just want you to know I'm sorry I wasn't around to pick you up for school."

I try to control my breathing. In. Out. She's so close. I could just lean in and… "Miley?"

"It wasn't your fault." I answer quickly looking up at her eyes and no where else. "You slept in, that happens."

"Right." Lily blushes "I slept in… hey why don't you come over my house? We'll work on homework or something."

We step away from the wall and walk outside. I call my dad and tell him what's going on. Part of me just wants to go home. I'm scared that I might do something rash again. I might do something that can't be ignored.

We get to Lily's house and it's dead quiet. "My parents are working late tonight. My dad has a new case and my mom has parent teacher meetings." Lily informs me as we set our things down on the couch. I've been to Lily's house a dozen times. So why am I so nervous?

Lily walks to the kitchen and starts making some popcorn. "Want some pop?" She calls to me.

"Sure." I say still standing in the living room. The Truscott's house is fairly simple and small. Lily's an only child so she's use to the quiet, I, on the other hand, am not. I live with two males. There's always some kind of crazy scheme being concocted.

I can hear the popcorn being to pop. Lily is standing on her tip toes looking through the coverts for glasses. The only lights that are on are the kitchen ones. The house is dim. I sit down on a cream colored wingback chair and watch Lily. She pores two glasses of grape pop. Her head lifts up and she smiles at me.

I get an uneasy fluttering feeling in my stomach. "Come on we'll work in the kitchen." She says getting the popcorn as the microwave beeps.

I sit in one of the glazed wooden chairs and wait. I stare out the large kitchen windows. Grey clouds are forming, it looks like rain. Lily sets the bowl and drinks down and seats herself close to me. We open our French books and flip to the page 109.

I grab a handful of the popcorn and place one carefully in my mouth. I don't chew right away. I let my salvia melt the buttery treat for a moment. Lily sips her drink and writes something down quickly and then stares up at me.

"Miley?"

"Yes?"

Lily plays with her pencil for a minute. "Are we drifting apart?"

I choke on the popcorn. Lily jumps up and grabs my arms. "Miley! Are you okay?" She shouts.

I try to swallow and quickly gulp down half my drink. "…I'm good." I whisper. Lily's worried face changes with a sigh of relief. But her hands linger on my arms. I don't say anything, I like the feeling. Lily realizes her mistake and let's go. I feel cold.

"Are you going to answer?" Lily asks sitting down.

I mull it over. What can I say? No Lily, in fact I find myself wanting to be much, _much _closer to you these days. Defiantly not the best choice. "No." I say. I'm not going to answer. Lily's face drops. Her eyes look sad and I feel like scum for making her feel this way.

"Lily, I'm not sure what is going on. I'm just going through this _thing _right now." Well, I somewhat told the truth.

"Well, I'm going through something too Miley. And I want to know that I'll always have you."

Lily's last remark thrills me. I'm not sure she's really going through the same thing as me but it's a lovely thought, isn't it? I take both of her hands with mine. "Lily." I begin with complete seriousness. "I want you to know, that no matter what you do or say I will always be here for you."

Her eyes grow so bright. I rub one of my fingers around her palm. It's right now that I wonder what it would be like to kiss her. The thought makes the skin on the back of my neck hot.

"Thank-you." Lily breathes out. At that moment thunder makes a loud slap across the sky. Rain begins to pound on the windows. I see a flash of lightening and then the lights flicker off. Lily lets go of my hands and runs to a drawer. She pulls out two flashlights.

"Here." She hands one to me. "I'll go light some candles."

I push down on the flashlight button and a long ray of light streams out. I wait for Lily, a little uneasy. It would be different if I was at my own house during a storm. I would lie under the covers of my bed and take a cat nap. I shine my flashlight on Lily as she lights a match.

She lights a few candles around the kitchen counter and then a few on the table. After she finishes she sits down, rather close to me. We watch the rain. "I love thunderstorms." Lily says. The candle light reflects softly off her pale skin. Her smiling lips and bright blue eyes look so inviting.

If we were in some happy silly little sitcom things would be different. Here, in the dim light with the sound of the storm helping me along, we would admit our feelings. Lily and I would caress and kiss deeply and passionately. (Just like every romance novel describes.) Instead Lily and I keep quiet.

I have become shy after my last confession to her. And Lily just keeps smiling like she knows a secret and watches the rain fall heavily. The front door opens with a loud push. We both turn our heads to see Mr. and Mrs. Truscott shaking their umbrellas.

"It's raining cats and dogs!" Mrs. Truscott cries shedding her raincoat. She runs a hand through her short blonde hair and smiles at us. "Hello girls."

"Hey mom!" Lily grins with a wave.

I nod. "Hi Mrs. Truscott."

Mr. Truscott walks over and kisses the top of Lily's head gently and smiles at me warmly. He's a quiet man, a reserved man, and I love him for it. Steve Truscott has all gray hair. From old pictures I know he used to have light brown. His glasses sit at the edge of his nose, they are drenched in raindrops.

I've always liked Lily's parents. They seem so in tune with each other's thoughts, feelings, everything. I hardly ever hear them talking. Debra Truscott, or Deb as she has begged people to call her, is fairly shy but she's not afraid to speak her mind when needed. I like watching them because I can see where Lily gets her traits from.

Lily has her mother's hair and blunt way of presenting herself. She has her father's eyes and smile. Lily is a perfect mix, I feel so much closer to her knowing her parents. The lights come back on. Mr. Truscott walks over to the counter and begins making coffee. Mrs. Truscott grabs two mugs.

"Come on, let's go upstairs." Lily says taking my hand. I can't deny her when she's touching me. We walk up the steps slowly. I watch Lily's backside as her hips sway. I turn away, feeling disgusted. Lily collapses on her yellow bed and groans. It has been a long day.

Lily's room is very plain, shocking considering her wild personality. There're two bookcases standing side by side and then a long old wooden desk that belonged to her mom years ago. Her walls are painted a medium blue. There're a few framed paintings she bought while visiting the Art Institute in Chicago.

Scattered in the corner are a few old magazines. On her desk there're a few crumbled papers and purple notebooks. Last time I checked Lily told me she was going to write a short story. I never found out how far she got. I look out her bedroom window and watch the rain.

"Miley?"

I like the way she said my name, lazily and carefree. "Huh?"

"Come on, sit get comfortable. You act like this is the first time you've been in here." She jokes. I fall back onto her bed and she laughs as it bounces. I roll over so I'm facing her completely. I put a hand on my chin so I can watch her eyes, just in case her mood changes.

"How's your story going?"

Lily rolls her eyes and smiles, showing her white teeth. "Horrible. I haven't written in days, it's getting a little depressing."

I smirk. "Well, you're just starting out, you'll get better Lily, I promise."

A new look graces her pretty features. "You always know what to say to make me feel better."

I shake my head. "You give me too much credit." Lily bites her lip. Seeing this makes my insides twist up with a maddening desire to touch her. To kiss her. Lily leans in towards me.

"Miley I…" She begins.

I get excited. "Yes." I urge her.

"I-"

Lily's door opens slowly. Lily snaps back to her up straight sitting position. It's her dad. "Miley." He says quietly. "Your dad is downstairs. He wants to take you home now"

"Thanks Mr. Truscott." I frown. My eyes dart back to Lily once he's left. She is red faced and chewing on her inner cheek. So close.

I gather my school work and meet my dad at the door. "Got everything you need bud?" He smiles.

No, no I didn't. "Yeah dad, come on, let's go home." As we walk out to the car I look up to Lily's bedroom window. I see her trying to hide behind the curtain. She pulls the dark curtains back and boldly stares at me. Even from far away she still gives me goosebumps.

…

**Author's Note: **Well, I've got a few things getting started now, so hopefully I haven't bored any of you yet. I'm glad to see some of you are enjoying Mrs. Fredrick; she has to be my favorite of this story. Leave your thoughts…


	4. Define

**Author's Note: **Wow. I'm so happy (more like ecstatic) to know everyone is really into this.

_Qym: _Oops. I say pop. I'll try to dig deeper into Miley's head and truly become southern, because that does matter! Thank-you for pointing that out to me, I need to portray my characters correctly.

_Farah A: _Yep, I'm moving things a little forward. (Partly because I got a new idea and I need them to be moving to get things going… did that make any sense at all?)

_Chelsie 1: _Thank-you for the review. (Here's an update!)

_Sk8erbennett: _Thanks for the encouraging words. (Random Note: Neat picture on your profile!)

_ShadySkills 5: _Glad to hear you're still interested after I said I wouldn't finish _Sailboats_ (sorry about that.)

_Suitelifecyrusgal477: _Well I'm glad I brought in people who've normally disliked Miley/Lily stories. That really makes me happy. Oh and yes I' am still in high school, weird you should mention that another person did the same thing. (Laughs) So teenagers aren't allowed to be intelligent? But really, if you want to know how I got this way just blame the library.

_Angelrock: _I'm so glad you like Lily's dad! I love him just like I love Mrs. Fredrick; I have a soft spot for all of my original characters.

_LightningStruckBlackDog: _(Blushes) Yes, there is one of my bad summaries. But to let everyone know I thought it was pretty funny when I first put it out there. I got a quick laugh out of it. Anyway, I'm glad you like this one better.

_xTexasgalx: _If you want to know how I do it go check out my writing tip story "Here's The Thing." I'm very pleased to hear that you re-read this when I update. I like writing my Miley and Lily moments. I try to keep them very subtle.

_CraftyNotepad: _"Here's the Thing": Nooo! Don't leave me! No "bye"! Jesus I almost had a heart attack! I love your reviews you've stuck with me from the beginning! You helped me update so fast on _Hourglass_! (sigh) Well it's all up to you. Me? I'm still chained to my desk. Oh yeah, I heard the same thing from the Okens. But then Lily worried she'd be too old for another baby. So, who knows! (Come back! Come back!) Thank-you for your ever marvelous review on _Here's the Thing_. (Don't leave, don't leave.)

(I don't think I can give everyone reviews again. That took longer then this chapter. Anyway happy reading.)

…

For the millionth time today I've told myself to focus. The worst part is that it's only first period. I try to concentrate on the math problem on the board but I can't. I keep thinking about her, but in a good way. It doesn't shock me now when I find myself just randomly looking at her, or wondering about her.

It feels nice today; I don't feel bad about myself. I don't hide behind my school books or stay trailing behind in the halls. We stand close. We walk together and laugh. I feel fresh and clean. The days are growing shorter and colder but my heart warms to the new sensation of love.

I've never been in love before. There was Jake Ryan, the heart throb and my short lived boyfriend. We stayed together for a good while in freshman year; but later separated due to the fact that I was no longer interested. We tried to keep in touch, but that didn't work out very well. The last I heard he's making a new film in England and dating his co-star, oh well.

Scott Patterson was next. We met after Jake and I broke up. He was the exact opposite of Jake. He was shy and sometimes stumbled over his sentences. I become interested in him only because I thought it would be good to branch out and see what the "nice guys" had to offer. Scott was cute in a "tucked in shirt always on time and brings flowers" kind of way.

We had a summer fling before sophomore year. We broke up late August of that year. He was really sweet about it. We're still friends, I suppose. If I see him around I wave, but nothing special. I've had crushes on different people before; I went through the puppy love stage. But now, with Lily, it's just different. I can't explain.

I don't know if she'll ever look at me the way I often gaze dumbstruck at her, but it's still nice to feel this. It's so real to me that it's almost tangible. I can taste the anxiety, the distant fear hiding deep within me. But I've packed those unsure thoughts away. I. Like. Lily. I can't hide from it forever. I need to be brave.

I shake my head, I'm ready. I have my hands in small fists and mind determined. I'm high off confidence as I walk to French class later. I sit in my seat and wait. Madame Blancheflor smiles at me and I nod saying a quick hello in French.

The class begins to file in after a while. My breath catches in my throat when Lily sits down. What was I thinking? Am I crazy? Maybe I suffered a minor lapse in my judgment. I can't tell her! I put my head in my hand and block out all the noise of distant before class chatter. Who am I kidding?

The haze I was once in vanishes. My head comes tumbling down from the clouds. My heart freezes. I need to keep my mouth shut. I make a mental note to buy duck tape some time during the week. Madame Blancheflor begins speaking and I loose her. Her accent is thick and her words all mesh together. (Je ne comprends pas.)

For an odd reason my head begins to hurt. I turn my head to where Lily is sitting, legs crossed, and taking notes. Her hair is up in a long pony tail. I feel sick to my stomach. She's wearing tight jeans and I wonder if her legs are as smooth as they look in a bathing suit. I try to swallow but my mouth is dry as dust.

I feel my forehead begin to sweat. The back of my neck is on fire. My cheek sting. I need to get out of here. I need to stop staring at Lily. I put my head down and breathe in deeply through my nose. How could my mood take such a dramatic turn? I'm falling off the train track, that's what I'm doing. I'm finally going insane. Perfect.

Madame says something about music and then she walks over and pushes play on her small radio. A soft clarinet lets out a long cry. I sink into my seat and let the music have its way with me. A raspy saxophone greets us next. A woman's voice husky voice runs through the music, acting like honey- thick and smooth over my muscles.

I let myself drift; I'm not sure what the woman is saying. But her words are long and drawn out. She sounds so unhappy. I let my eyes trail over to Lily. She is leaning forward in her seat. Her hand is under her chin propping up her head. Her eyes are glazed over. The song ends and I feel better, still sad, but less stressed.

Lunch was a blur. Oliver said something about pickles and Lily told me about her working Saturday but my mind raced to Mrs. Fredrick. I had to find out what she was hiding. Besides, maybe worrying over her problems might let me forget mine for a while. I steal one last glance at Lily before running off to art.

Today the door is shut and locked. But the lights are off again. I look through the classroom window; just to see if I could catch her. But there is no movement.

"Mrs. Fredrick, ha, she's one strange gal."

I turn around to see Mr. Waltz, the band director. He is standing with his usual black notebook full of music scales and songs. His dark grey eyes smile at me. "Do you take her class?"

I nod, "Yeah I do. Mr. Waltz you wouldn't happen to know anything interesting about Mrs. Fredrick, would you?"

He shrugs. "No one does. She's very private. I tried to be nice to her many times, considering our classrooms are rather close, but she just brushed past me. Very cold woman, I can see why most students don't take art these days."

"Do you ever see anything a little odd going on in her room? Like, oh say, depressing music? Crying?" I ask hastily.

Mr. Waltz lets out a deep chuckle, the wrinkles around his mouth and eyes become very noticeable. "Heavens no, her door is always locked shut. I never hear anything. Like I said, private woman." He checks his watch. "Oh, the bell's going to ring soon, I must be off. Try and survive art."

I watch him run off down the hall to the band room. I tap my foot and watch the art door. I lean my ear to the crack of the door. I can't hear anything, I listen harder maybe-

"Oof!" I fall forward. The door is open now and Mrs. Fredrick stands in front of me sending me a death glare.

"Yes Miss. Stewart?" Her voice doesn't sound very friendly.

"I was… well uh…You look nice today." I scratch my head and attempt a smile.

"Go back to the cafeteria, you are no longer allowed in here before the bell." Mrs. Fredrick is about to close the door. I slide my foot in the doorway to stop her.

"Wait! Listen, I'm really sorry I saw that yesterday. I know it was none of my business, but I want to understand you. I want to help you." I'm not sure where these words are coming from. My mouth just keeps opening up.

Mrs. Fredrick lets out a dry laugh. "Please, my dear, there is nothing to discuss. You didn't see anything yesterday." Her eyes narrow at me. "Did you?"

"Uh?" What game is she playing at? What next, is she going to hypnotize me? "Mrs. Fredrick," I say after a short pause. "I thought we were… friends?" Her eyebrows shoot up beyond her hairline. "Okay maybe not like really good friends but I thought you enjoyed having me around in the afternoons during lunch. I mean you never seem to mind." I watch her carefully. My voice is soft and I pray that I'm winning her over.

"Miss. Stewart." She sighs, clearly aggravated, "You are a student and I' am your teacher. We are not friends."

After this she pushes my foot aside with hers and shuts the door. I'm not sure why this bothers me so much. I suppose I really do like being on a teacher's good side. I like being the good kid, the teacher's pet, if you will. But I have a feeling that no matter how many times I try with Mrs. Fredrick she'll just push me away.

"Miley!"

Oliver is calling me from behind. He catches up with me as I wait outside of the drama room for Lily.

"Hey, what's up?" I smile adjusting the strap on my bag. Oliver scratches behind his neck and sighs.

"You wouldn't know why Lily has been acting weird lately would you?" Oliver questions nervously.

"What do you mean?"

"Well, Lily's been acting a little off. And I'm a little worried, have you noticed anything different?" Oliver's eyes are pleading with me, and to be quite blunt, I haven't noticed anything. Because I'm too busy trying to fade away into nothing so I won't have to feel this way.

"No." I reply simply.

"Oh, well, I guess it's just me then… and what about you? You've been really weird too." Oliver glares at me. "Are you two hiding something? I get that you guys share things with each other that you wouldn't with me but that doesn't mean you've got to shut me out."

I shake my head. "No Oliver, to be honest I'm just as clueless as you." I put my hand on his shoulder and give it an encouraging squeeze.

"What're you guys talking about?"

Oliver and I spot Lily standing behind us smiling. "Nothing much." I mutter letting go of his shoulder.

"Oh." Lily's face falls. Perfect, now what have I done. Walking to English is surprising quiet today. It's as though we've all become mute.

Today during English I try to understand why Lily is being so cold. When we sit down she doesn't turn around to tell me what happened in drama or to ask how art was. Her face is emotionless, a white slate. As we sit in the car now I sink down in my seat. Lily's hands are gripping the steering wheel so tightly her knuckles are white.

Her eyes are blazing and staring only to the road. I pick at my loose fingernail. It seems her mood has only worsened. Lily's mind is a dangerous place, especially now when she goes inside and won't tell me what's wrong. We pass my street corner and keep heading straight. I'm about to inform Lily about this but then I decide against it.

She pulls the car into the beach parking lot. She puts Pinkerton in park and shuts off the engine. We are on the deserted side of the beach. The place no tourist likes to visit let alone locals like us. The sky is a dark grey. I watch the palm trees sway in the wind. The ocean looks more threatening then beautiful today.

Lily unbuckles and quickly gets out. Her parking job is horrible; Pinkerton is sideways taking up parts of two spaces. I stay inside. To be honest she's scaring me. She is pacing around like an animal, her head down and muttering things to herself. I get out slowly. Acting as thought I could scare her with any sudden movements. Lily is now down in the sand towards the ocean.

I gradually make my way to her. Lily has collapsed in the sand with her legs pulled tight to her chest. Tears are streaming down her face.

"Lily!" I rush to her and sit close. She turns and sniffs loudly. What have I done? "Lily?" Her name rolls off my tongue quickly the first time but now it's slower and concerned. "What's wrong?"

She won't look at me or let me hold her. (God I want to hold her.) "I just feel so… so… angry." Lily lets out.

"…Why? At me?" I wonder with my eyebrow rising in fear. I can't have her hate me, I just can't.

"No, at myself." Lily sniffs rubbing her eyes. "I just ach every moment of every day. My body is tired, my mind is tired."

"Tired of what?" We're getting somewhere, I just know it!

"Of nothing… it's nothing…" Lily says beginning to back track. No! No! I won't go back I won't start all over again. I need to tell her. The words are on my lips, I can taste them. I take Lily's face between my hands; I want to make her look at me. I need to read her eyes and make sure I'm not the only one who can feel this connection.

Her eyes are bright with fear. She licks her lips when I release her face. But she keeps looking at me. She looks at me like I hold some kind of promise, some kind of hope.

"This is so hard." I say looking out to the ocean. "To put this into words…" I ramble on. Lily isn't making a noise; the spot light is on me. She stares at me with her blue eyes and I know that there is no turning back.

I stand up and move a little ways away from her. If she rejects me I want a quick get away. "Are you and Oliver together?" Lily blurts out before I can gather courage. The question throws me.

"No!" I shout. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"I don't _know_. "Lily sighs, standing up and brushing the sand off her pants. "I saw you two and it just bothered me."

"Why?" I shoot back.

"I don't know." Lily repeats putting one hand on her hip and using the other to rub her temples. "I mean I could just ask you why you've been so crazy lately. Come on Miley, tell me! Because I'm loosing it here."

I wait a moment before just diving in. "Because I can't breathe with you in the room… Because all I see are your eyes when I go to sleep… Because every morning I wait until I hear your voice to smile…" I couldn't stop the words from flooding out of my mouth.

Everything in me was tearing down. All those walls and moral values they teach you in Sunday school left me in this one moment. She stood so still. Her body stiff as cardboard. I don't know what I want from her.

I don't want to look at her or have her touch me. I want to get everything out. I need to come clean and shed light over the grey that makes me feel so _wrong_.

"Because maybe I like you in a different way… I don't know, I don't know anything anymore… I tried to fight it. I tried blocking it all out. But I can't stop this feeling… this attraction I have for you and no one else."

She didn't speak. I did all the talking. We're standing so far apart. I'm terrified to move, but I just kept talking. I wish I could stop and rewind time. I wish I hadn't broken down, because I'm supposed to be strong.

I finally have the courage to look at her. She's staring at me with such intensity that I have to look away; I can't have her eyes burning into me like that. Am I freak? Should I be put up on display? Yes, Yes! It's true! I like her! I like another girl!

I want to die now, or maybe throw up. I'm not sure yet. I can feel my skin crawling. My body is shivering. But, I'm not cold. This is too much for me to handle.

"Say something…" I croak out, my voice hoarse.

Lily shakes her head. "Say what? I can't… I can't… Miley? Do you really feel it too? This pain? This frustration?"

I nod, I swallow and I nod. Is she still here, I blink, yes. She didn't run away. "You didn't run away." I say to her, now watching her closely.

"Of course not. Miley… I… I understand."

And then I'm crying. I feel hot tears run down my cheeks, they tickle, I wipe them off. She understands… I whisper it to myself inside my head. The one thing I have ever and always wanted from her. Understanding…

Lily makes the first move forward. She reaches for my hand and I let her take it. We stand together holding hands. She watches me cry with a ponderous look on her face and I breathe out a shaky breath. I don't know what to do. I don't know what to say or how to act with her now.

What about tomorrow at school?

What will the world make of us?

Is there even an us?

Lily pulls me in, as if sensing my uncertainty. She wraps her body around me and I rest my head on her shoulder and sniff in loudly. I hold her to me, letting her whole body push up against mine.

"I have these feelings for you Miley." She tells me softly. "I don't really get them yet but I will for you… for us." And that is the dearest and most precious promise I've ever heard.

We let go. The wind begins to pick up and the waves crash in and out. Lily's hair is a tangled mess wavering in the wind. She looks beautiful here. I don't want to ever forget this moment. "Now what?" Lily whispers.

I shrug. "For once, I really have no idea." I can't see into the future. I'm not sure what comes next for us. But I know I want her around with me as we find out together. I take her hand and she smiles looking down at our intertwined fingers. And then she kisses me. It's so fast that at first I didn't even realize what had happened. It was quick and warm. But I'm a little upset, when I finally decide to kiss Lily I want to be able to _really _kiss her.

Lily's face is a dark red. "I'm sorry." She mumbles.

"No, no I… it was… I just wasn't expecting it." I say nervously.

"I'm sorry Miley we're not ready."

And maybe she's right. We're not ready. But to ease her mind I squeeze her hand and lead her back to the car. As we drive I feel a weight lift from my body. Lily has a shy smile spread across her face. When we come to a red light she timidly turns to me and grins bashfully. And I have a feeling I have the same exact smile on my lips.

She pulls up to my driveway. I stay seated and Lily and I look to each other. And then I laugh.

"What?" Lily smiles questioning me.

"Nothing." I say shaking my head. "It's just… strange." My face grows serious after a moment. "Lily? About tomorrow I mean what is this?"

Her face becomes pensive. "We don't have to prove anything to anyone at school. Miley you're still you and I'm still me. We cannot be defined as anything but ourselves."

"Wow, you've put thought into this haven't you?" I ask.

Lily ducks her head, a little embarrassed. "I've liked you for a while Miley."

"I'm glad." I answer softly. We share another serious look and for a spilt second I wonder if we'll kiss again. But we don't, it's too early. I get out of the car; I can feel her eyes on me as I walk to the door. I turn around just before I go inside and smile at her. She waves and then I step inside.

My dad is in the kitchen humming as he makes dinner and Jackson is scribbling down notes from his textbook. And the thought suddenly come screaming through me. How do I tell them? I shake my head and sit down at the kitchen table. I won't let this get me down, not now. After what's just happened I deserve to feel the tiniest bit of joy. So, I smile and reach for my books.

…

**Author's Note: **I don't know. You tell me, was it alright? I had to mull over this for a day. I wasn't sure I captured everything the correct way. At first I wasn't going to have Lily kiss Miley but then I thought it needed something. You readers know how much Miley likes Lily but we have no clue what goes through Lily's mind. (Well, I do but you don't.)

I knew I wasn't going to have them kiss deeply or anything (sorry no making out) because, in my opinion, they're going to feel awkward around each other for a while. This is a huge step in my opinion. So things are going to move at snail speed for them as a couple. I still have more to come so stick with me. Leave your thoughts…


	5. Paper

**Author's Note: **I'm very sorry for the delay. My sister gave me her flu and I've been sick. Please note that I usually am better at updating. I'm still feeling a little dizzy but that might just be the meds. So, here is the next addition.

(cries) CraftNotepad?

…

My cell phone is ringing. I can hear it faintly through my sleeping fog. I open my eyes; the clock numbers are fuzzy and unclear. I blink and in bright red it reads 12:33 a.m. I reach for the pink phone on my nightstand and flip it open.

"Hello?" I say groggily.

"Miley?"

"Lily?" I sit up quickly.

"I can't do this Miley… I'm so scared." She whimpers into the phone. I chew on my bottom lip and think fast.

"Meet me at the beach close to my house." I whisper. Lily quietly agrees and I close my phone and jump out of bed. I slip into some flip flops. I creep down the hall past my dad and brother's rooms and slowly make my way out the door.

The beach is calm and the air is very cool. I look around for Lily. I plant myself down in the sand and take off my flip flops. The sand is cold in between my toes. The sky is a deep navy blue. There aren't any stars out tonight. I close my eyes and let the salt water air take me. The wind feels nice and the sounds of the crashing waves make me feel weightless.

I hear my name, it sounds so far away, like somehow apart of the wind. I open my eyes and see Lily approaching. Her endless hair is taken with the wind. Her arms are wrapped protectively around her chest. She's wearing her old converse and black shorts with a gray jacket. She sits next to me and sets her head on my shoulder.

"I thought you weren't coming…" I say.

"I had trouble getting away, the wood floors squeak." She sniffs and rubs her nose on her jacket sleeve. "I'm sorry for waking you up. I just… needed someone."

"S'oaky." I assure her warmly. "I'm always around."

"I know." She smiles gazing off to the ocean. "… I just needed to get out of my house. I was thinking about everything that happened and I panicked."

"I know the feeling." I laugh.

"But you seem so… so good about it. I'm a mess inside and out." Lily confesses.

I snort. "Please, you have no idea what's been going on up here." I point to my head. Lily turns her head and looks up at me. I feel self conscious and blush lightly.

"Is this too close?" Lily asks in a soft voice. Her body is pressed up against my side.

"I don't know." Honestly, I'm having trouble thinking right now. Should I pull away? Should I go home? But Lily needs me! I can't just run away every time we touch or talk about our relationship.

"Lily?"

"Hum?"

"Are we… are we in a relationship? I mean like a couple?" I bite my lip and wait. Lily pulls away from me adjusts her position so she can look me straight in the eye.

"Do you want that?" She questions.

"Maybe…" I murmur under my breath. Lily raises an eyebrow. "Okay, yes, yes I do I really do." She smiles, satisfied and nods.

"Me too." She says holding out her hand. "Let's shake on it."

"Shake?" I laugh.

"Well, kissing seems a little awkward right now so let's shake and later when we feel more comfortable, kiss."

I tilt my head in thought. Alright, that seems rational. I take her hand and we shake slowly. "Hey girlfriend." Lily laughs. I sigh dreamily at the sound.

"Hi girlfriend." I reply.

I must admit having Lily as a girlfriend is nice. We haven't really kissed yet because every time we come close I get very flustered and Lily stares at her feet. One of us needs to be brave (and pushy) and get that going. But I can wait. Because during lunch we hold hands under the table and when walking down the crowed halls we stand side by side our shoulders pressed up against the others. And we share these looks; I can't think when she does it. I can't move or function.

I've come to the conclusion that I like having secrets. It makes things so much more exciting. (Secret touches, secret glances.) I've always been fairly good at keeping my mouth shut. But actions always speak louder then words. It was in English; honestly I was just excited about the fact that I could touch her.

Lily was leaning back in her seat. Her hair was down, and I have a bit of an obsession with her hair it's so pretty and well taken care of. I can't help myself. So I ran my fingers through it. And it was softer then I had ever imagined. I didn't think it meant anything, and besides Lily and I sit in the back of the room. The class was working on the chapter questions.

But, when I looked up to check the time I caught eyes with Ben Thomas. He was staring, curiously, at us. Lily didn't notice she was working. He wiggled his eyebrows suggestively. I detangled my fingers from the ends of her hair and sat back in my seat. That was the only time, and after class I didn't tell Lily about it.

Lily and I are walking to the car. We've just put away our books and now making our way down the hall to the parking lot. I'm feeling a little brave. Our shoulders are together but I want something else. I brush my thumb over her fingers gingerly. I check Lily's eyes at first she looks worried but then smiles at me. Once we're outside we keep a small space between us.

I get into Pinkerton and buckle up when I turn to look at Lily she's already staring at me. She looks out the windshield and then back at me she licks her lips. Quickly she leans forward and kisses my cheek. My skin flushes and tingles, her lips felt good there.

"Sorry." She breathes out fast.

"It's fine…" I blush. And suddenly, as we're driving away from school, I wonder why we don't do that more. "Let's do something." I announce as we drive on Maple Street.

"Like what?" Lily shrugs.

"I don't know!" I bounce a little excited, let's run off and go crazy. I feel a need for something new and fun. "Oh, Cat's Music, take me there." I tell Lily.

"But you don't like Cat's Music." Lily says.

"But _you_ do." I correct wagging my finger in her face. Lily giggles and pushes it away.

"Alright, my parents don't get home till six so I'm good." She says.

"Jackson and my dad both have dates so I'm good too." I smirk. We drive past my street, Lily's street and then the beach. We're driving and the only sound is the wind on the roof of the car as Lily presses down on the accelerator. I unroll the window and let my hair down from its pony tail.

"What are you doing?"

I let my hand hang out the window and become tangled in the air.

"Miley?"

I smile and close my eyes and let the cool air kiss my cheeks. What I have here, this sensation, I never want it to leave. Cat's Music sits underground between a coffee shop and book shop. I've never been inside because I'm not into the type of music they sell. But Lily, she practically lives here.

"Tada!" Lily smiles unbuckling and jumping out of the car. I slowly follow her. To reach Cat's Music you have to walk down a flight of stairs. Cat's is basically a basement. When we reach the bottom of the stairs is very dark except for the dim light hanging above us. Lily grins at me

The bell on top of the door dings as Lily pushes it open. There's music playing and I pride myself in knowing what it is. (The Kooks- _She Moves in Her Own Way_.)

It's a large open area. There's a long rack that stretches across the entire left wall filled top to bottom of CD's. Another side has four bookcases of old albums that date back to the 60's. Lily takes off her coat and hangs it on the coat rack.

She takes my hand and we walk up to the front desk. I jump back at the man standing by the front desk. His hair is in a Mohawk and it's… it's green. He has three ear rings on one ear. He's wearing a sleeveless black t-shirt and when he turns sideways to put something away I see the snake tattoo.

"Jimmy!" Lily smiles giving him a high five. The gruff and plain out mean looking older man smiles and high fives her back.

"Lily!" He shouts his voice very deep. I nervously try to hide behind Lily. "Whose the girl scout?"

Shoot! I've been spotted. I suddenly feel self conscious in my pink sweater. "This," Lily grins moving aside so Jimmy can look at me, "is Miley."

Jimmy holds out a large hand and I shake it, it's very rough. "Sup Miley." He nods and then turns back to Lily, pointing at me. "So that's Miley?"

Lily blushes. "That's her."

It's quite for a minute and then Lily takes my hand we begin to walk over to another wall of CD's. The walls that are not covered with CD's (there's really only one wall) is completely filled with band posters and concert dates, new and old. In the corner next to the poster wall (as I have now decided to call it) is a couch and chair.

There is a large red rug underneath the furniture. I smile; it's not all that bad. Lily begins to examine the new releases.

"Hey how do you know Jimmy?" I ask tapping her on the shoulder. Lily spins around and smirks.

"Well, my dad's an account and he mangers their finances. Over time we've become really good friends. Jimmy and his buddy Todd own the place. Their pretty cool once you get passed the hair, ear rings, and tattoos." She jokes.

I blush, embarrassed. "It just surprised me is all. Why didn't you tell me about them?" Lily shrugs and bites her bottom lip.

"I don't know. Never came up I guess."

I sigh and let Lily keep exploring. I take the time to finish examining the shop. It's actually pretty cool. There aren't many customers, a girl with a nose ring is bobbing her head to her CD player. A man is scanning the albums in the back. I like it here, oddly enough.

"Ooh yes!" Lily shouts thrusting an arm up in the air. "Where do you come from? What do you know?!" Lily sings (wildly off key.) "Jimmy!" She runs over to the green haired punk. "Jimmy I'm puttin' this one in!"

Without even his permission Lily runs to the stereo behind the counter and takes out The Kooks. She puts in the new found CD and skips a few songs until… A huge blast of drums and guitar slap me along a British man's voice. Lily hops up and down. She twirls around from behind the corner and grabs my hands and swings us around.

"What is this?" I shout over the booming music.

"The Futureheads- Area!" She laughs. "I've been looking for this!" I let go and let Lily dance. I meet Jimmy's eye.

"Is she this crazy with you, Girl Scout?" He asks.

"Sometimes worse." I giggle. He smiles and rolls his eyes. We watch Lily dance and I can't help but laugh a little, she really can't dance. But, I have a feeling it really doesn't bother her. The song comes to a close and Jimmy turns the music down. Lily nervously walks over to me. "Sorry, I really like that song."

"Don't sweat it, I got sit and laugh at you with Jimmy." I say cracking a grin.

"You like it here?" Lily asks as we sit on the couch.

"I do actually. A little weird and off beat but I like it… my only question is how can you stand to listen to my music? I mean their so different."

Lily smiles. "I like to mix it up. But you'll always be my favorite." I blush as Lily reaches for my hand. It's a little weird being in public but then again there're three people here, so I let her take it. Her hands are so soft. Her nails are painted purple today. She's wearing a beanie type of hat and her hair is hanging perfectly straight. Her eyes are very hard to read. I'm not sure what she wants me to do.

I hear a soft song begin to play and I look over at Jimmy who is pretending not to be watching. I slide over to the side of the couch that is protected by one of the bookcases, for privacy. I take Lily with me and she blushes, we're pressed very close together. "Is everything okay?" I ask.

Lily nods. We're still holding hands. She's rubbing her thumb over the top of my hand ever so lightly. I feel ready, I'm not scared. I put my hand on her cheek. Lily's eyes quickly dart to mine. "Lily," I whisper. "C-Can I kiss you?" Her eyes are blank, I can't tell. But then I feel warm lips on mine. Oh.

I'm not sure where to put my hands. I'm not sure if I'm doing everything right. Is kissing boys the same as girls? I don't know. So we hold hands. The kiss is very slow, no tongue and hardly any open mouths. I tilt my head to the side, just to see how that works. Lily greets it well.

She lets go of my hands and sets hers on my hips. I jump a little, she's holding on very tightly. Lily quickly pulls away. "I'm sorry.. I just…" I shut her up with my mouth on hers again. This time I pull off her hat and explore her hair (like a lushly blonde waterfall.)

Lily's hands are a little higher above my hips now. It feels… different kissing Lily, different in a very good way. She knows what I want when I want it. We pull apart again and breathe heavily. Lily and I smile. The soft song that Jimmy put in is still playing and the woman says something in French that I don't quiet catch.

"Come on." Lily says still grinning from ear to ear. "I want to show you more of the place." She leads me to another bookcase. For the next hour I become acquainted with Lily's music. Most of her tastes run back to the late 70's and early 80's punk and rock. Lily is most defiantly a punk rocker.

I watch as she places records (with much care) into a record player. She babbles on about how she loves her old record player (which really belonged to her father but she likes to tell people she bought it at a thrift shop in New York… even though Lily has never been to new York.) I love just listening to her. I like watching her small unimportant moves around the music shop. They way her mouth curves around each word, or when she spots a favorite, I just… really, really like her.

She's so full of light. You can't _not_ smile in Lily's presences, it's literally impossible. She makes everything so much better, the only problem is that this is only our first outing together and I'm already falling all over myself. It's like Lily has wrapped this invisible leash around me and I follow her everywhere drooling.

"So what do you think?"

"What?" I ask looking up to meet her eye. We're standing in a back corner where there are old wooden stairs leading up to something. Lily laughs and scratches her ear.

"I said do you want to come up with me or stay down here? I've got to run upstairs to Jimmy and Todd's office and pick up a few papers for my dad."

"Yeah, I'll go." I smile as Lily shakes her head at me and mutters something under her breath.

The stairs make a horrible noise as we go up. Like a low moan, as if they have a mind of their own and are begging for us to stop walking. The office door is a faded green and Lily turns the rusted knob to reveal a fully lit room. The curtains are pulled back and the late afternoon light fills the room.

There's a large rectangular desk with mountains of papers and folders stacked up high. I marvel at how they could possibly live like this. A tin trashcan next to the desk full of crumbled notebook paper and a large _The Clash Live! _poster framed and hanging on the wall. Lily walks quickly over to the desk and pulls out a red binder and smiles. "Got it, let's head out. It's getting close to six." She says.

I nod and we walk down the moaning stairs. "We're heading out Jimmy!" Lily waves grabbing her coat.

"Come back any time Lily you and Girl scout over there." Jimmy laughs looking at me. I wave at him and he nods. We close the door and the bell dings a second time. Lily and I hurry up the cement steps back to the real world. We hop into Pinkerton and away we fly. It seems to take less time getting to my house.

"You want to come in?" I ask her sitting in the driveway. Lily chews on the inside of her cheek, nervous habit next to giggling non stop. "I mean for dinner or something. My dad and Jackson aren't home yet and maybe I could make us something but if you don't want to that's fine I mean-"

"Miley!" She laughs holding up her hand. "I would love to come in and eat dinner with you." She grins, her eyes not losing mine.

"Great." I whisper.

I turn on the lights as we walk in. Lily sits on one of the bar stools making herself comfortable. She's been here countless times, no need to be nervous. So why am I shaking? "You know what I just realized?" I laugh.

"What?" Lily smirks taking off her hat and smoothing out her hat hair.

"I don't really know how to cook." I snort looking around the kitchen at my dad's pots and pans.

"Well then move aside missy and let Lily the cooking expert amaze you with her wickedly awesome talents." Lily says getting up and pulling out a large pot. "How about some spaghetti?"

"Sounds great." I add as Lily runs to the pantry and pulls out some sauce. "Can I help?"

"Sure, help me with the water." Lily tells me heating up the stove and placing the smaller pot with the sauce down.

I take the larger pot and fill it with water. I set it down on the stove and we wait for the water to heat up. Lily takes out the noodles from the top cabinet; she knows my house so well. I smirk and sit down to watch her work. I rest my chin on my hand and sigh happily.

"So do you know how to make anything else?" I ask as Lily dumps the noodles in the pot.

"Yeah, I do. Spaghetti is just an easy quick dinner but if you ever wanted something fancy I'm your girl." Lily smiles leaning close to me from the other side of the counter. _Your girl…your girl… _I think I'm blushing.

"I thought you said no one in your family could cook?" I say clearing my throat.

"They can't, I learned from your dad actually. On the mornings that I come over early and you were still getting ready or something your dad and I would talk about food. Because he normally is making breakfast at that time. He's pretty cool." Lily tells me walking over to stir the noodles.

"He is…" I agree softly as another weight rests on my chest. How do I tell him about me and Lily? What will he think?

"What's wrong?" Lily wonders taking note of my silence. Should I tell her? Will she be mad?

"I was uh… well I was thinking about how I'm going to tell my dad about… about…"

"About us." Lily finishes for me.

"Yes." I sigh. I cast my eyes to the floor and stare at Lily's stripped socks. (Green and blue) She walks over and puts her arm around me. I hate to think my feelings are rushing into things. I wanted to take this slow. But when Lily touches me I can't… I just can't do anything but think about her skin, her hair, and her lips. I have to sallow hard and bite back all the things I want to say or do. I have to keep every urge in check.

"Take your time." Lily smiles pulling back. I'm surprised none the less. I would have thought she'd be mad, or something. But then it hit me (duh!) Lily is going through the same thing!

"We'll break it to them when we're ready." I add softly Lily nods. Dinner is ready and we dig in happily. It's settled, I feel a tiny bit better but there's still my dad's reaction. I really love him, and I try to avoid disappointing him. But, then again, would this disappoint him? I can't control who I like. I look at Lily whose sitting next to me sipping her water. She flashes me a smile and I smile back. "What are you thinking?" I ask her quickly.

"Us." She says gently. "I'm a little worried." I nod in agreement. We eat in silence for a moment.

"Lily?"

"Yes?"

"I just want you to know, I want you to know that I really like you and I want to make this work. I'm going to try as hard as I can."

And then she kisses me. The food is forgotten and I'm not hungry, I'm not scared. Lily is kissing me and I all I see through the darkness of my closed eyes are her lips. Her willingness and bravery. Our relationship might be paper now, thin and fragile. But it will grow. As long as I have her this way, pressed close and true, then everything else fades away…

She pulls back and whispers in my ear breathlessly, "Me too."

…

**Author's Note: **Hum… what do you think? If any of you know me well enough from other stories you will not be surprised at what I will do to paper. (Tear, rip, shred.) The story is far from finished. There's still the peculiar Mrs. Fredrick and the twist I'm planning. (But Mrs. Fredrick has nothing to do with the twist. In all honesty she was created at the last minute, but will come in handy. Foreshadowing rocks!) Leave your thoughts.


	6. Backwards

_(Six years ago.) _

_Why didn't I listen to daddy? Why didn't I just say I wanted to be home schooled like all the other famous popstars? But instead, I wanted to go to public school, so stupid. The first four classes weren't that bad. I managed to stay out of everyone's way and pretend I didn't exist._

_But now, this is lunch. And I didn't brown bag it so I had to stand in line. And now I'm standing here looking around for an empty table in the overly crowed lunchroom. I hate being the new girl. Oh! In the corner by the exit sign! I race over dodging everyone's faces. So far I've been ridiculed non-stop for my accent._

_I sit down in one of the cold metal chairs and examine my lunch tray. It's plastic and brown. Today its Sloppy Joes, I wish I had brought my lunch. I sigh and open my bottle of water. So far public school su-_

"_Hi!" _

_A blonde girl is smiling at me. She's holding a brown bag and juice box. She sits down and keeps smiling. I swallow and breathe, just act cool. _

"_Hey." I say nervously. _

"_So you're new, that's so cool! We need some fresh meat around here," She laughs, "Anyway, I saw you sitting alone and oh yeah, I'm Lily." She holds out her hand. I shake it. _

"_I'm Miley." _

"_Cool name!" Lily beams. "Hey where're you from? That's a new accent!" _

"_Tennessee." I say. _

"_Hey uh you don't… you don't eat possum do you?" Lily asks shyly. _

"_What?!" I shout, a little too loud. She laughs and shakes her head. _

"_Sorry, Oliver, aka the idiot who's my friend, spread a rumor around that you eat possum. But I just wanted to make sure, now that that is out of the way was that math test brutal or what? …" _

"Thank-you and goodnight!" I wave to the roaring crowd and blow a kiss. I high five my drummer and smile at my dancers. We run back stage to catch our breaths. I fan my face as I search for a water bottle. Is it just me or is it burning up in here?

"Looking for this?"

I turn around and Lily is smiling in her white wig holding out ice cold water. I sigh in relief and chuck it down in a very un-lady like fashion. The water feels good rushing down my dry throat. "Thanks." I breathe, refreshed. Lily is just staring at me. "What?"

Lily shakes her head and a blush creeps up her fair skinned cheeks. Lily and I have been dating for a few weeks now, almost a month. It's all very exciting. We don't usually go out on "dates" normally we spend time at my house up in my room, just talking, and once in a while touching.

It's so different, being with another girl. With boys there was always kissing and groping and I was never really attracted to that. But with Lily, there are small movements and soft fingers on my cheeks. We sit on my bed our arms around each other and she'll lightly kiss my nose and I'll play with her hair. And it's in those tender moments I know that I made the _right_ decision.

We're in public now but I lean closer to her and run my finger down her bare arm. Lily pulls back a little and frantically looks around. "No one saw." I whisper in her ear. "I promise."

In Hannah's clothes I have so much confidence. True, I don't plan on telling my fans and band members I'm dating another girl any time soon, but here backstage, I feel free. I take Lily back to my dressing room. She makes herself comfortable on the small couch and watches me take off my wig. I begin to wipe off my make-up slowly.

There aren't any parties tonight and I don't feel like rushing off anywhere too soon. I can see Lily staring at me through my mirror. I've become use to her looking at me that way, although it still thrills me in a way no other person has. Lily slides her white wig off and lets her curls loose. She fluffs her hair and I turn around, leaning against the vanity with my hands down and gripping the edge of the white wood.

Lily stops playing with her hair and smirks. Her full lips curving slowly up. I don't know where it came from. But the sudden urge to be near her, hold her erupts inside of me. I take three long strides and in an instant Lily's legs are uncrossed and apart and I'm standing in between them. She's wearing lipstick, my glossy lips meet hers and I pull her forward gently with my hand behind her head, buried deep in her hair.

Her hands rest tightly and securely on my hips. She takes control and sharply pulls my waist to her. I'm sitting in her lap. In the very back of my mind a voice (foggy and unclear) is telling me to stop. At any moment someone could walk in, I didn't lock the door. Her chest is moving up and down fast, I feel is against me. Her breath comes out ragged against my mouth as we separate briefly.

But then she clamps her mouth down hard on mine again. What is this? We've never done this? What happened to innocent kisses, touches, and smiles? What happened t- oh… Lily's hand slides and rests on my thigh. This is new. I try and block everything out of my mind. I try and concentrate on her lips. I'm the one who jerks back after a moment. I meant to pull away slowly but it was fast and abrupt.

"S-sorry." Lily wheezes out, our bodies still pressed together. I try and tell her it's perfectly fine but a noise, more like a moan, comes out instead. Lily can be aggressive, I never knew. I giggle and find myself blushing. Lily just smirks and leaves butterfly kisses on my cheek. Her lips, so close to my skin that it is radiating heat but never quite making the contact I desire. She leaves a lingering kiss my neck and then slides me off her lap; I'm too stunned to move.

"I have a surprise." Lily grins as we sit in Pinkerton, driving home.

"What?" I ask perking up. Lily reaches forward and turns the knob of the, so called, broken radio. Music pours steadily and softly out. I laugh.

"You finally fixed it!"

Lily nods. "Now we can finally blare the tunes!" She cheers turning up the sound. We bob our heads and hum along. Driving with Lily is always a big event. She is a wild driver, ruthless and fast. The music is screaming in my ears and car lights flash by. We're almost to my house. I can see the street sign.

As we turn the corner I sigh. I begin to think about telling my dad and Jackson, why does everything that is remotely important have to be so hard? It's easy to avoid both of them in the morning at breakfast. I can grab an apple and run off and lunch is at school, but dinner. Dinner is the three of us sitting together eating and making short conversation. I hate lying; I've never been good at it.

Sometimes I want to jump up on the table and just scream: "I like girls! Lily and I are dating!" I hate having to lock my door and close the curtains of my room whenever Lily is over. Why am I so embarrassed? It's not like I chose to be this way. I didn't wake up one morning and say: "Gee wiz, life is so dull why not become a lesbian!"

Yes, I think it now, next is saying it out loud to my father. I' am the way I' am and for once I think I'm okay with it. Why do people have to be so cruel about it? It's my life! And… and I'm proud to be with Lily. I'm proud to know she picked _me_. We sit in the driveway.

"Kiss me?" Lily says quietly leaning forward out of her seat so I can feel her hot breath on my cheeks. I obey and find my hands pull her face even closer I want to know her mouth inside and out. I wonder if we can lean these seats back. I wonder what it would be like to lay on top of Lily and kiss her this way. I feel her mouth move, but not in a kissing matter, a noise sounding like my name is whispered from her lips.

She leans back, away from me. "You should go." She says. I nod and open the door, cool air greets me and I welcome it. I snap open my purse and pull my house keys. The house is still lit. My dad is on the couch reading.

"Hey Miles, how was the concert? I'm sorry I couldn't make it. But this cold is getting worse, I swear." He smiles and I walk over and kiss his forehead.

"Night dad." I sigh, frustrated. I walk up the stairs with a heavy heart. I trudge down to the end of the hall to my bedroom. It's late, and I'm growing so tired. I push my cracked door fully open and find Jackson pacing muttering under his breath. "What do you want?" I frown throwing my bag down on my desk and slipping out of my jacket. Jackson's head snaps up at my voice.

"Miley…" His voice is low and his face scrunches up with a pained expression. "I… uh… Jesus, I really have no idea how to say this so I'm just going to do this quickly…" I wait and watch as his lips form a straight line and then, "Miley I saw you… you and Lily."

Something inside of me shuts down; I freeze like a child whose hand has been caught reaching into the cookie jar. My first thought is to deny it, disregard. I open my mouth to speak but nothing comes out. I can't do it, I can't lie anymore.

Jackson sighs angrily. "So it's true? I saw you two from the window tonight."

"Are you upset?" I choke out my arms wrapped around my waist, I want to cover myself, I want to sink into the floor.

Jackson shrugs. "I don't know… I never expected… I never thought… Are you happy?"

His question shocks me; my eyes open up and finally meet his. I think about Lily. I think about her hand intertwined with mine and I nod. "Yes, very."

Jackson shakes his head. "I love you Miley, and I'm here. I don't really understand but… if you're happy then okay."

"Jackson…" My voice breaks. "Thank-you. You have no idea what that… what that means to me." I rush to him and pull him into a bone crunching hug. He chuckles softly and pats my back awkwardly

"Good night Miley." He says pulling away. I watch him leave. The door closes behind him and I fall back onto my bed, one down one to go. I just wish I knew what Lily was thinking. We don't usually talk about coming out to our families, I think we need too. If we're going to work, if this relationship is going anywhere we need to be honest. No more closed doors, no more hiding.

It's study hall. The three of us are in the library. Oliver is tapping his pencil on his Algebra book. Lily and I are towards the back looking through the shelves and shelves of books. I run my fingers over the spins of the novels (new and old) and I feel right at home. Lily has already found a book (three actually) and is flipping through one now. Her back leaning against the bookcase.

Her brow is knitted together, she's concentrating, and she's biting her bottom lip. She slowly turns a page and smiles. "What are you reading?" I whisper, mimicking her stance, my back against the bookcase opposite of her.

Lily, still looking at the book, replies. "The Dead Poet Society."

I rack through my brain quickly. "Wasn't that a movie?" Lily nods and sets the book back with a sigh.

"Yeah, movie first then book, a little weird but still good." She crosses her arms around her chest and gives me a soft smile. "I love the library… one day I'll write a book… I'll write a book and dedicate it to you."

I laugh, more like a snort. "Lily please, there's no need to butter me up. I'm already yours." I meant it as a joke. But Lily got a fairly serious look on her face. Did I do something? Lily takes her other two books and checks the black clock on the wall. "We should get Oliver and head out. Study hall is almost over." She says brushing past me. I get a quick whiff of her raspberry scented hair and swoon.

Lily has been acting strangely all day. I try and ignore my confused thoughts as Mrs. Fredrick quickly sketches out a student's face. She's talking but I can't hear anything. All I can do is imagine Lily's eyes as she left the library. I block out her face and glance up at Mrs. Fredrick; she is smirking and staring at me. The picture of the student is me.

It's so real, I want to reach out and touch it. "Thank-you for taking time out of you daydream Miss. Stewart." She says stuffily. "Now, as I was saying, for this project I would like for you to combine all the methods I've taught you about sketching and painting."

I look down at my cluttered table. Bonnie carefully dips her brush into her water and begins adding water to her painting to create a more airy and freeing feeling to her blue sky. So far my project is nothing. My pencils are sharpened and ready, my papers clean and my paintbrush waiting. I don't know what to create.

So I look over at Mrs. Fredrick. Since my accident of running in on her private time she's hardly spoken to me unless in a condescending manner during class. It's all for frustrating. I want to know! I want to get her. But every time I come close to asking her she glares at me and tells me to leave. Hopeless. My mind glides back to Lily. I should probably tell her about Jackson. I look down at my paper. How do you get all these feelings out and onto paper? How do you _create_ real and true art? The kind of picture that makes viewers crumble and break right there, on the spot!

I take my pencil and aggressively begin drawing long heavy waves down the paper. I look at it and frown, no. I look around, I don't want flimsy paper I want a thick and smooth canvas. My hand shoots up. "Mrs. Fredrick?!"

Her eyes meet mine as she sits perched at her desk. "Yes." She answers, bored.

"I want to paint on a canvas." I say, it's not a question, more of a demand. Mrs. Fredrick's eyes go to the back of the room and then she looks to her supply/office closet.

"Go in there, I should have some blank ones for you to use." She says nonchalantly with a lazy wave of her hand. I leap up and run to the closet. I've never been inside! I've seen in once, when I craned my neck around Mrs. Fredrick. She's a very thin woman, but I still didn't get the best look.

I open the door and slowly make my way inside. It has a queer smell, like paint… or freshly sharpened pencils. The over head light is very dim. I see a tall metal shelve filled with canvases, I smile and pick one up. But, I let my eyes wander before I leave. I see her paintings; at least I think they are hers.

"Miss. Stewart?"

My hold on the cool canvas tightens. I walk out and close the door. That picture, the one with the black haired woman. It's so… vivid. Colors spin around the picture, the woman's face and body are a little unclear. It seems to be lost in a haze. But her eyes, beautiful blue eyes so bright and alive shine through the painting.

I walk to the very back of the room, inspiration running ragged through my blood. I prop the blank canvas up and begin. I take one of the watercolor pencils, the gray one, and draw a light curvy line. Art, it always starts out abstract, so uneven. There are lines and marks. Blobs of paint that mean nothing until the confusion turns into something completely different.

I don't hear anything. Sound has escaped me. Time has frozen and all that matters is my dirty hands running across the painting with a golden yellow. My paintbrush is locked tightly between my fingers. More color! I quickly switch gears. My mind is a mad frenzy. I need to get it out! I need to release!

My vision is cloudy, but I think I see her eyes, her hair. And before I know it I'm drawing her, painting her, filling in all the holes that she's left me to fill. As I reach for the blue a hand gently presses onto my shoulder, I jump.

"Class has ended." Mrs. Fredrick says. I need more time, I need to finish.

"Can't I stay?" I whisper, staring at my painting.

"It's very good Miss. Stewart. What's her name?" Mrs. Fredrick asks, so quietly that at first I didn't catch it.

"Lily." I reply simply. I stare into Lily's blue eyes, her blonde hair flowing in the wind, just like that day at the beach. It's a close up. I trace my paint stained fingers over her cheek. "It's Lily." Mrs. Fredrick lets go of my shoulder, I hear her walking off.

"You can stay." She says walking out. "You can stay…"

I wash my hands slowly. The soap smells like lavender. I let the steaming water sting my colorful hands. "You have paint on your face."

I spin around quickly, scared. Lily is sitting up on one of the desks smiling. "How? You… what?" I stumble verbally.

"The Art Nazi isn't that bad, you know. She saw me and told me where to find you. The funny thing is though I don't think we've ever spoken before." Lily laughs. Her eyes scan over me and she frowns. "Are you alright? Is this about before? Listen, you didn't do anything it's all me being… scared and… just stupid."

I nod and walk over to sit with her. She puts her head on my shoulder and sighs. "Jackson knows." I say.

I feel her stiffen. "And?"

"He's…okay about it. Surprising I know. But he doesn't think any less of me and I'm going to tell my dad tonight I think." I state firmly.

Lily lifts her head and slides off the table. "This is what I was upset about…"

"What me being honest with my family?" I say, getting defensive.

"Kind of, Miley you just don't know my parents like I do. It's different and I'm afraid alright? There, it's all out in the open, I'm terrified of my family." Lily cries flinging out her arms. "I…" She trails off, spotting my painting. "Miley?"

I blush and look away. I feel Lily's lips on mine. Her hands cupping my cheeks. And suddenly, I could care less about Lily coming out, I don't care about anything. She pulls me closer and steps between my legs. My hands go in her hair.

She trails her mouth onto my neck, so this is what _that _feels like. Lily is gentle this time. She is careful and precise. I want to prolong this, remember this. I know all the hazards, I know the dangers. But, I can't help but smile. I've thrown in the towel.

"Miss. Stewart!"

Snap!

Lily and I are apart in a blink of an eye. My face is burning, my insides twist up and I feel like throwing up. "I can… I can explain Mrs. Fredrick." I say weakly. What am I saying? I can't explain! What is there to discuss? Nothing, that's what! It's plain and simple a teacher found us. We're busted.

Mrs. Fredrick's face looks a little shocked but… calm? She only seems to be concerned that we both skipped class to make-out in her classroom. She doesn't appear disturbed about us, two girls. Her lips turn into a straight line. "This is Miss. Truscott I presume?"

"I… uh- yes…" I squeak. Lily isn't even looking up. Her face is down and I can't see her eyes, what is going on in there, in her mind?

Mrs. Fredrick shakes her head and her frown deepens. "I would like both of you two to leave. Miss. Stewart, I'll see you in class tomorrow, we'll discuss your painting." I quickly grab my things and Lily and I flee.

On the way to the car we don't speak. Lily has a very unreadable glare on her face. We get inside of Pinkerton and begin driving. I don't know where we're going. Lily is just driving, trying to blow off steam. Feeling fed up, I groan. "We need to talk." I declare.

Lily pulls over and shuts the car off and turns to me. Her eyes look cold. "Then talk." She snaps.

I'm taken back at her anger and I feel myself become drained. I feel tired and helpless. "What is going on with you? It's like one minute you want me and then the next you're… well you don't."

Lily rubs her temples and sighs dramatically. "I don't know what I'm doing." She confesses. "I want you but…" My heart drops, what's this but doing in her sentence? Lily wants me! She wants me… right? "But it's hard lying." She finishes.

"Then don't lie!" I shout, great, I feel tears prickling my eyes. "Jackson already knows and I'm telling my dad tonight! It'll be okay Lily!"

She shakes her hear violently. "No! No Miley it won't be. My mother will hate me! She will _hate _me!"

"How do you know?" I yell back, eyes narrowing at her.

"I know how my mom feels about people like me… like us." Lily admits, dejected.

"And what are we Lily? … We're just people! That's it! Stop assuming things… Listen, I really like you. And I don't care about what other people think or say, because I have you. If you are re-thinking this then tell me." Don't cry, don't cry.

Lily chews on her bottom lip. It's so quiet, I suddenly don't want to be here anymore, I have to get away from her. (Because Lily isn't answering.) I sniff and feel a tear fall. I turn and fumble with the lock on the car. I have to get out of here!

"Stop!" Lily cries grabbing my arm and pulling me back. I sit back and turn to her leaning into the black seat. "Miley I care for you… so much. And I'm just…" She balls her hands up into tight fists and her eyes begin to water. "I'm _so _scared…" She whispers. I swallow the lump in my throat and throw myself around her.

It's very awkward with the stick swift between us, but we manage. Lily sniffs and her body shakes as I pull her in more fiercely. I have nothing to say. I know my dad would never hate me. He could be disappointed, but I'm willing to risk it. But Lily, her mother is fairly religious. My thoughts wander to the small wooden cross in her den.

I say, after a moment, the only thing I can think of. "I'm here Lily, right here." She nods into my shoulder.

"I'll take you home now." Lily says shakily as we pull apart. Pinkerton starts up with a rumble and Lily turns out onto the road again. Later, I'm sitting at the kitchen table watching my dad cook dinner. Jackson is flipping channels and throwing worried glances at me every so often.

My dad stirs his famous chili and smiles. He whistles and begins serving us small portions. "Come on kids! Dinner's ready!" My dad sits down and digs in. "Ow, still hot." He mutters sipping his ice water. Jackson strolls over silently and takes the seat next to me. He smiles encouragingly at me.

I'm so nervous I'm shaking. My body is sweating, and I shiver from the goosebumps riding up my arms and legs. I close my eyes and breathe in deep. "Dad?" I breathe out quickly. I open my eyes with a snap when he replies with a 'yeah bud?'

"I have something really important to talk to you about…" My eyes dart to Jackson who is staring intently at his chili.

My dad grins and nods insinuating for me to continue. I inwardly curse myself. I never practiced. I mean sure I thought about what I would say but I never actually got passed the beginning. I mean do I just shout: "Guess what? I'm gay!" … Didn't think so. I clasp my hands together tightly.

"Dad, you've always promised us that you'll love us no matter what choices we make. Good, bad, and ugly. Well, I've recently discovered… well no, I take that back, I've always known this."

And maybe I have. Maybe I've always had this different sexuality tucked deep within me. It just took Lily for me to really understand myself, to free me. "What I'm trying to say, is that Lily and I are…" I pause, can I stop now? Can I take it all back and rewind the moment? I loose my nerve and feel myself begin to fade away. Is it just me or is it getting darker?

"Miles?"

My dad's voice makes my vision clear. I gulp and spit it out, "Lily and I are in love!" My statement rings out in the open air and I can't breathe. I'm under water, drowning… drowning. The television is on, playing softly. A sports reporter laughs. "Ouch that one had to hurt and back to you Frank!"

……

**Author's Note: **I'm so sorry. I suppose my teachers find it comical to give out three papers and two group projects on the first few weeks of school. So as you can imagine I've had difficultly keeping my head above the rising water let alone write. I'm ashamed for staying away for as long as I have. I hope you can forgive me. During the long hours spent researching and cursing my evil teachers to a very unpleasant place under ground I came up with this chapter. I wrote bits and pieces through out the long time I was away. So, anyway, I'm not sure I'll be able to update a lot. School is a bit intense this year. Sorry, but I hope you stay with me. Leave your thoughts…


	7. Hesitation

This isn't my dad in front of me. He's eyes have darkened. His smile has faded slowly into a deep set frown. My heart is racing _(thumpthumpthump)_.My stomach is in my throat and I feel so sick. _Say something_! I want to scream. I wish he would slam something or yell at me.

I want a reaction! I want a statement, other then my own, to hang in the air and choke us. I push myself back into the chair. The back of my neck is one fire. I can't breathe, is it possible to have a heart attack at my age? There is silence, his face is expressionless. I just want to sink into the bottom of the ocean and die.

"…Dad?" My voice is horse.

"You like boys." He says quickly with a shake of his head. I take a moment to soak it in. I try and comb through my mind for memories past. Maybe I enjoyed the _idea _of a boyfriend; someone who I could wear around like a favorite sweater. When it came to actually having a boyfriend I was never really a good girlfriend. Now that I think back on it, maybe I never _really _liked boys…

"No." I say plainly. "I like Lily."

"As a friend…" My dad says with a confused frown. Did he not hear what I said only seconds ago?

"No." I say feeling a new sense of anger rise inside of me. "As a girlfriend, as a girlfriend where we don't talk about boys…" My hands clamp together in tight fists under the table. He shakes his head and I feel the lump in my throat grow. Don't cry, don't cry!

"I need a moment." In one swift movement he is standing and then leaves. Jackson quickly begins clearing the table and offers me a weak smile. I wave it off and slowly walk up the stairs to my bedroom. The sun has long set and the moon is out lighting up my room with a milky glow. I turn my small table side lamp on.

I glance at my cell phone I have a quick urge to call Lily. I want to cry into the phone and just listen to her voice sooth me. I breathe in harshly through my clenched teeth and let it out fast. I can't sit still. What is he thinking? I should scream I should trash my room and demand him to face me like a gown up! But I don't.

I sit on the edge of my bed; I put my face in my hands and cry silently. My body shakes and I want her here. I want to feel her embrace. There's a short knock on my door and then a gentle call of my name. "Come in." I sniff.

I wipe my tears away quickly as the door opens and I sit up straighter to prove he has not gotten to me, I fail. My dad sits next to me on the bed and sighs. "You _love _her?" He asks bluntly.

I wrap my arms protectively around myself. "I care for her deeply." I answer. He nods and clasps his hands in his lap.

"I love you Miley and if this is how you want to live then… I support you."

My head snaps to look at him. What? "What?" I ask. He chuckles and wraps an arm around me and pulls me close to him.

"You just shocked me. Miles, I need to be honest, I don't understand this choice of yours but if Lily makes you happy then who am I to deny you of joy?"

"Are you," I pause and choose my words carefully, "Upset?" He shakes his head.

"I could never be mad at you or disappoint in you for something like this. Truthfully I'm scared for you." He says sadly.

I nod. "Understandable." We sit for a moment and then he stands, kisses my forehead and whispers a good night. I fall back on my bed feeling light as air. I want to call Lily. I want to rejoice in our success. But would she be happy? I look at my pink phone and decide against it. Tonight, I'll let be for myself. I settle into my pillows and a foreign curve in my lips appears. (A smile.)

I got up early this morning. I spent a longer time doing my hair, my make-up. I even splashed a bit of perfume on my wrists and neck. I check myself in the mirror now and decide I don't look that bad. I have a hop in my step as I walk down the stairs. My dad is making pancakes and smiles at me as I take a seat.

Jackson puts a comforting hand on my shoulder and then sits next to me. No one speaks. We all smile and eat happily. As I'm sipping a glass of orange juice the door bell rings. My dad is up before me and answers it.

"Lily!" He smiles leaning in and giving her a hug "Morning!" She grins at me after they pull apart.

"Good morning to you too Mr. S." She smiles looking over at me with a questionable but happy face.

"Come on have some breakfast with us!" My dad offers.

"No, its okay Miley and I better get going." Lily walks over and is about to take my hand but stops and nervously smiles at my dad and Jackson. I grab my bag and take her hand and softly rub my thumb over fingers.

She stares at me with a gentle intensity and then we walk away. I'm sure my dad said goodbye but I couldn't really hear anything. We are driving along when Lily finally brings it up.

"You told them didn't you?" She laughs staring at the road.

"Yes…" I say slowly. "Is that alright?"

"Well from the way they acted yes… everything is fine." She quickly glances at me as we stop at a red light. Her smile is truthful and glad but her eyes shin with a deeper meaning. Oh what I would give to get inside her head. To know everything she knows. To understand. I stare at the road as the light changes to green and listen to the soft music play…

Oliver greets us at lunch by waving his hand at the table he's saved outside. It's a pretty decent day. (A little cloudy but the air is light and cool.) Lily and I sit side by side (shoulder's touching) on the bench. Oliver digs into his homemade sandwich.

Lily looks bored with her lunch and pushes the pizza around in a circle with her fork. I poke at my salad and catch her eye. She smiles a mischievous smirk and then I feel a warm hand on my thigh. I jump up, nervously. I bite back the urge to swear from my fright and instead listen to Lily giggle.

"What?" Oliver asks noticing my jitters.

"N-Nothing." I stutter. I let Lily keep her hand on me, and maybe I like it. It gives me a new serge of emotions. (Needs, wants, desires.) But Lily has that affect on people. You would have to be blind not to notice how many guys stare at her.

She is well liked by the male population because she understands a guy's nature. Her hot tomboy attitude has attracted most of our school's interest. This is probably why she and Oliver have stayed such good friends, in all honesty, if it wasn't for Lily I probably wouldn't be friends with Oliver.

I would have never seen the side of him that only she brings out. Sometimes their closeness scares me. Oliver is like Lily's other half. He has all this knowledge of Lily that I will never have. They are so in tune with each other that sometimes, I will admit, I'm jealous. What if one day Lily decides she doesn't want to be gay?! What if she and Oliver… what if they…

Lily stroke's my thigh and all thought leaves me. What was I worried about? Mummm… I feel her breath hot on my neck. "Miley?" She whispers in my ear.

"Humm?" I murmur softly.

"Your eyes are closed. And people are staring at you." She laughs and I smell her toothpaste (cinnamon.) Her words slowly process and I snap my eyes open. Oliver is no longer sitting with us. And a few freshmen who are eating across from us are indeed staring.

"Sorry." I blush.

Lily shrugs. "I tend to have that affect on people." She replies smugly. I like this, us being playful I like how Lily is coming into this relationship. Finally some commitment. We throw away our trash and head over to the art department. Lily's drama class is close to the art room, but down another hallway.

The bell rings and we walk a little faster. Lily, taking a big step in her confidence with me, takes my hand as we walk down the crowded hall. My smile, if possible, grows. We part ways. Lily quickly squeezes my hands tightly then walks off to her class. I happily hum as I enter art.

I'm first, as usual. Mrs. Fredrick is sitting at her desk, waiting for me. When she sees me she smiles and stands. I take my seat and hold my breath. Mrs. Fredrick looks at me with a questionable face. She walks over and sets my painting on my desk and holds it up.

"What do you think?" She asks weaving her hand in front of my picture.

I cringe, it looks hideous. "Bad." I reply flinching.

Mrs. Fredrick snorts. "So you don't consider it art?"

I shake my head. "No, not really." Mrs. Fredrick nods and looks at my picture with her skillful eyes.

"What _is_ art Miss. Stewart?" She narrows her eyes at me this time. I sink into my seat, having all of her attention on me at once is very intimating.

"I… I don't know." I whisper.

"Who is to say this isn't art? Miss. Stewart with your permission I would like to display this in the art show coming up in a few weeks."

"No way!" I shout standing and glaring at her. "No, no! This isn't art! Look at her nose, it's completely off. And her eyes! Everything about this painting, it does not justify her. I didn't even plan anything out I just painted."

Mrs. Fredrick smiles a perfect cat like smirk. "That's what makes it perfect. Art isn't planning or measuring. Art is a _feeling_ Miss. Stewart! Art is an emotion you care for very deeply. This is a beautifully crafted abstract picture, be proud of your accomplishment." With this said she slams my painting down on my desk. Students begin walking in and I stand, completely astonished.

Mrs. Fredrick teaches the class as if nothing has happened. And just to smite her I pick up another canvas and walk to the back. I'll paint another one. Seething through me, as I paint, is anger. I think about my new found sexuality. I remember my father's eyes at dinner, clouded with confusion.

I picture a rope wrapped around my neck. I think all the people who hate my life choice. I'm not sure why I think of them: the perches, the closed minded students. I pick up the black paint and splat! There is darkness. I' am an animal! I' am living in the moment! It's so exhilarating! I can feel my classmate's eyes on my back as I paint.

I hear Bonnie asking Mrs. Fredrick if I'm alright. I hear a student gasp as they see my work.

"My God!" A young girl says. "It hurts to look at it."

I'm breathing so heavily that I'm sweating and I taste my salty tears as they roll down my cheeks. What is happening to me? Is this what true art does to you? Breaks your spirit and crushes your dignity?

No, as I place the finishing touches on, I feel released. I feel so… good. I give a wide smile and turn to lock eyes with Mrs. Fredrick. "I get it now." I say smiling. She stares at my painting. Other students join in.

My painting is of a girl. It's so dark, the entire background is black. The girl has ghostly hands of gray coming out from the bottom of the painting and choking her. It's a close up of her shut eyes and agonizing frown of protest against the strong hands around her thin neck.

I quickly sign my name at the bottom and hand it off to Mrs. Fredrick. "Go ahead." I sigh. "Show is off, if you must." She looks very pleased and thanks me with a small earnest smile.

I'm in a daze after art. Lily is standing out by the door waiting for me. She smiles and I watch her eyes very carefully. She looks happy. I reach for her hand and she lets me take it. Oliver isn't around; I'm not sure where he is. We walk to English in a comfortable silence.

I'm copying the notes on the blackboard when I tell her. "I painted another picture. Mrs. Fredrick is going to put it in the art show." I whisper in her ear.

Lily turns around and shows me her brilliant smile. "That's _so _cool!" She says, a little loud.

"Ladies!" Mr. Newman warns.

"Sorry." We reply weakly together.

"So, you taking me?" Lily asks quietly her eyes shinning.

"If you're good." I say as a small joke but it comes off sounding a little too sexual. I blush and look back at my papers. Lily's eyes are cloudy with a look I've never known but she smiles and turns back to her studies.

After class Oliver slips away saying something to Lily that makes her roll her eyes I don't know, I wasn't paying attention.

"We should do something. You know just you and me. Let's go out."

"Like what?" Lily asks.

"I don't know… let's do our homework at the café."

We are sitting in the back close to a window. Lily has order green tea and I'm sipping my coffee (three sugars one cream.) She opens her history book and I get cracking on French. We're sitting in stiff wooden chairs. For an odd reason I can't concentrate. Lily has her hair down today. Her long bangs are in her face.

I stare at her lips. She's wearing darker lipstick today; I don't believe I've seen it before. Her cheeks are red with a natural blush. Her skin looks soft and pale in the dim café lights. I want to touch her. I want to put my own hand on her thigh.

I scoot forward. Lily's head snaps up at the noise my chair makes sliding across the wood floor. I mouth a quick 'sorry' and she just smiles and looks back down. The café isn't very crowded it's still early. (4:30 no one's off work yet. Rush hour hasn't started.) There're a few college kids up front and a boy typing fiercely on his laptop with a pencil in his mouth.

I turn my head and focus all my attention on Lily. My hands are sweating, why am I like this? We're already together! It's not like before, now at least I know she feels like I do. I feel a rush of confidence. I slowly place my hand on her arm from across the table.

Her eyes slowly meet mine. I stroke her arm gently, her hairs stand up, and I smile. So this is the effect I have on her. I scoot my chair so that I'm sitting right next to her She stops reading.

I like having her full attention. I feel pride swell up in my chest (my girlfriend, mine.) Lily tilts her head to the side and smiles an open mouth smile I catch her white teeth and grin back. Her eyes dance, almost like a tease, a dare. Am I that brave? I want to kiss her. I want to touch her. But is that what _she_ wants?

I don't have a problem with myself anymore. I'm free. Lily is the one who is still caged. I make a mental note to buy her a key. I don't want to push her into things she's not ready for, like public affection. I don't want her to be upset with me. But, then why is she leaning in?

I lean forward as well. We're sitting by the window. Anyone walking by can see. I'm so close. Our noses are touching. My breath hitches up and gets lost in my throat. I feel her lips, so close, so there and ready. I swallow and then put my hand behind her head to bring her to me. She obliges.

Lily's lips are wet. There's just something about kissing her that drives my system wild. I become hot and damp in places I never liked to think about till now. The way her mouth moves against mine is… is…

"Excuse me?"

I wrap my arm around Lily and pull her in deeper, I need more. Her chair leans forward. She sighs into the kiss and I can feel myself give out a throaty moan.

"Excuse me?"

I feel someone tap me on the shoulder. I slowly unattached myself from Lily and stare up at a pimpled and ugly young boy wearing a green apron. "You can't do that here." He says. The boy's name is Frank. He's name tag sits in the upper left corner of his shirt.

Lily's arms are around my waist. She's glaring up at Frank. I sigh and nod. "Sure Frank, we'll be good I promise."

"Scout's honor." Lily bites back sarcastically. Frank nods and walk off. Lily kisses my neck and then pulls away. I really hate Frank.

"I hate Frank." Lily grips. I laugh.

"I was thinking the same thing."

She flashes me a winning smile and we gather up our supplies. Today we decide to stay at Lily's house. She unlocks the front door and throws her purse and school bag in the corner. I set my things down softly and slip out of my flip-flops.

"Come upstairs with me." Lily says smiling coyly.

"Okay." I say rather slowly. So far in our short lived relationship Lily has never been very forward. She usually waits for me to begin any kind of touching, kissing. I follow her upstairs. I don't know when or how this transformation started and I don't care. Confident Lily equals sexy Lily. (Ooh, the way her hips sway when she walks, I just want to die.)

We reach her room; I close the door behind me. I turn around and she grabs my hand and drags me to the bed. I sit down the same time she does. We're silent. Lily's seems to have lost her spark.

"I'm proud of you." She tells me after a moment. "With the art thing, I mean. That's huge. I can't wait to see your paintings." She grins and runs a finger down my cheek. "My girlfriend the singer/artist."  
I laugh. "…Have you written anything?"

She pulls back and blushes. "Only a little. I'm working on something… something that might be big. You… you being with me has had this great affect on me and my writing." I'm honored at this notion. I smile and lean in and kiss her on the cheek. I stay close; I want her to kiss me like she did in the café.

But she sits back in her bed. (One step forward. Two steps back.) I inwardly groan and lay down next to her. We watch her ceiling fan spin. "Lily?"

"Hum?"

"Where do we stand? I mean I understand you not telling your parents and I'm willing to wait with you but… with us where are we?"

Lily is silent. She chews on her bottom lip and stares straight ahead at her small desk. I look at her and frown. Why is it taking so long? Is this a difficult question? Does she still want me? Oh God what if she's rethinking everything? Why am I so insecure?

"Miley."

I like the way she says my name, soft and raspy.

"You are my girlfriend. I've accepted who I' am it's just… my parents… I think I'll tell my dad first. I think… I want to tell them. I hate keeping you a secret. It's not fair to you, and I know it. I want to be able to kiss you and not feel bad about it or worry about it. I want to kiss you the way I want to. And just be… happy."

She's talking slowly and quickly all at the same time. She's looking at me with unsure eyes and her brow is up and disappearing in her bangs. I smile warmly.

"Then kiss me." I answer.

Lily hesitates and then takes full control. Her hand is in my hair and her lips are hot on mine. I taste her green tea from earlier. She pulls back, but only a little. Her mouth is less then inches from mine. "I love kissing you…" She murmurs into my skin. "I love touching you." She says running her hands down my arms.

I shiver and she pulls me closer. I'm wrapped up in her. I place my hands on her cheeks and she's clinging to me, desperately. This is how we need to kiss, always. This is where we stand, together. And then, I feel her hand under my shirt. It scares me a little; I jump and then relax as she draws invisible circles around my stomach.

I smile against her mouth. "Is this okay?" She breathes out hastily.

"More then okay."

She laughs and then continues. I trail a line of kisses down her jaw. "Is _that_ okay?" I tease referring to my lips on her neck.

"Perfect." She coos, hand still under my shirt making it ride up. We are tangled together on her bed. It's getting late and I should get going. But I don't want too. I should tell Lily to stop and take me home. But I can't because I'm too busy wondering where she learned all these amazing things that she's doing to my skin.

I lightly let my teeth graze her earlobe. She sucks in a fast breath. I stop and begin to apologize. "Sorry, sorry, sorry." I hiss out quickly.

She shakes her head and leans into me and kisses my forehead. "Never be." She tells me huskily. We fumble with each for a minute, trying to get back to where we were. I give up and decide to just kiss her.

We are kissing when the door opens.

My hands are tangled in her long, long endless hair when someone cries, "Oh. My. God."

I'm in utopia, but someone is pulling her away.

"Lily?"

We look up. Mrs. Truscott is staring wide eyed, jaw down. "Lily?" She says again, scared, terrified.

"Mom!" Lily squeaks. Her eyes are darting between her mom and me. I can see sweat beginning to form on her brow. My skin is on fire. My mouth is dry. I sit up on the bed. Lily stands up.

"Come with me,_ now_." Mrs. Truscott hisses grabbing Lily's arm fiercely. It makes me cringe. (_Don't touch her! Don't hurt her!_) Lily looks back once as her mother drags her down the stairs. I see tears forming in her eyes. I don't notice until she's gone that I, myself, am crying.

I can hear them. I stand in Lily's doorway, too scared to move, to function.

"What are you _doing_? How _could _you?!" Her mother is hysterical.

"Mom, please, mom calm down." Lily says in a very, (_very_) small voice. There's a stomp of her mother's heel on the kitchen floor.

"I will _not _calm down after what I've just witnessed. Lillian Rose Truscott what are you thinking?"

Lily does not speak.

"Answer me this instant!" Her mother's voice is high and stings my ears. I hear something that sounds like Lily crying. It's very muffled I imagine her holding herself around the waist and holding a hand to her face.

"Mom… mom Miley and I we are…" She pauses and I hear her crying. "We are in love."

_Smack! _

At the sound of a hand coming in contact with skin I'm brought to life. I race down the stairs. Lily is holding her cheek. Mrs. Truscott is breathing harshly and her make-up is streaming down her face.

Mrs. Truscott's eyes meet mine she glares daggers at me. I feel like I'm crumbling into a million pieces. She turns back to Lily. "You are not… you are not _gay_."

It sounds like a curse word coming from Mrs. Truscott's lips.

Gay.

Gay.

She's pointing her finger at Lily. Like a child, she scold's her. (_"No, no do not kiss other girls. It is bad. You're going straight to hell if you do that."_)

"I' am." Lily answers trying to sound bold but failing. I can't speak. What would I say?

Mrs. Truscott shakes her head.

"No! No! Stop saying that! Lily you were baptized in the same church I was and your grandmother. You are sinning! Stop it! This isn't you!"

"This is who I' am!" Lily screams. She dries her eyes and then stands up, shoulders back head up.

(That's my girl!)

Lily stares right back at her mother. I can't move. Mrs. Truscott walks closer to her daughter. She gets right up in her face and stares her down. It's so hard watching Lily crumble beneath her own mother. I want to reach out and take her hand. I want to drive far, far away. Instead, I'm a frozen statue.

"You are not going to do this." She snarls. Her voice is venom; it burns and makes my stomach twist up. "You are not allowed to be with Miley. I will not tolerate this kind of behavior. You will act the way I have taught you. I have taught you morals. If you stay like this… I will _never _forgive you. This _disgusts _me."

With that being said Mrs. Truscott backs away and turns on her heel. She brushes past me and I feel the cold. She walks out the back door, she slams it. I look at Lily, she is trembling. Her eyes are red with tears. She is shaking her head. Lily meets my stare.

Oh no.

Her eyes, her blue eyes are dull. There is nothing behind them. I wish I would have said something! I wish I would have put Mrs. Truscott in her place! Why didn't I take Lily's hand?! Her face turns to stone. This is not my Lily. This is not the girl I love. The girl I fell for is somewhere else. Maybe she's still on the bed, waiting.

"Get… out…" Lily whispers.

"What?" I croak.

"Leave." She says her face pale and cut off from any emotion.

"I don't want too. Lily, you don't deserve to be spoken to like that! She's wrong! She's wrong…" I'm reaching, reaching for her. If I can just touch her I can make her understand.

"No I'm wrong!" She screams. "Now get out! Get out!"

She's yelling, she's screaming. I can't control the tears pouring down my cheeks. "You don't mean it…" I cry softly. I pick up my things. I look back, because I have to. My hand is on the door knob. Lily is standing in the dark kitchen.

Lost. Small.

I open the door and walk out. I don't have any other way to get home but walk. What's happened? I walk down the sidewalk. My heart is aching and I'm dragging it from behind me. I clutch my hands together. I let my fingernails dig into my palms. I don't care if it draws blood. I watch the ocean. I collapse in the cold sand.

I cry out. I don't care who hears. I don't care. I wait for a numbing feeling to enclose around me but it doesn't come. Only pain. I'm gasping for breath as the sun sinks. A dark purple wraps around me.

"D-Damn it!" I choke out. I let my hands grasp the sand, it falls between my fingers. I wipe my eyes and take out my phone.

It rings twice when he answers. "J-Jackson? Can you come and g-get me?"

….

**Author's Note: **… I don't think I like this one. I've been very frustrated with this story. Which is only one of the many reasons why it's taken me so long to update. I hope it wasn't too awful to read. Hopefully it was realistic. Anyway there's more shit to hit the fan so be ready and keep reading (please.) Leave your thoughts.


	8. Forwards

**Author's Note: **Wow. You guys really hate Mrs. Truscott. (Which is fine, you are entitled to your own thought.) But you might want to think about it from her perspective. Now, I, the writer am still on good terms with her but Miley… well she's not too keen on her. And probably never will be. You'll just have to wait and seen.

_Farah A: _I've actually never seen _South of Nowhere_ (because I don't get that channel on my TV.) But a friend of mine is really into it, so when I asked him what Miley should say to her dad that's the line he told me. But my friend never told me it was from that show! (Laughs) and here I was thinking he was a genius.

……

"Do you want to talk about it?"

"No."

I put my head in my hands and listen to the radio. The car head light's stream down the dark lonely highway. I've never felt lower. Jackson leaves me be as I slip out of my shoes and toss my school things aside. My bed welcomes me in like a mother's womb. I sink into my warm sheets.

I listen to the waves of the ocean crash in and out. I listen for a phone to ring, because in the back of my mind I have hope in her.

"Miley?"

"Leave me alone."

Jackson closes the door, he's given up. (And maybe I have too.) The numbness I so desperately wanted is here. I' am nothing. I' am a grey. I think about my paint plait for art. I picture all the colors, waiting for me to use. I can smell the freshly washed paintbrushes. I can feel the cold and hard tube of paint in my hands.

I dream of color.

I dream of her face.

"Miles?" My father's voice is soft in my war. His lips kiss my head. I don't want to turn around and face him. I don't want to face the world.

"I'm sick." I say with pursed lips and a tightening feeling in my throat.

"What happened?"

"Nothing…" I say sharply.

"Did something happen between you and Lily?" His hand rubs my back comfortingly. His voice is sympathetic. Anger washes in me, a bold streak of red flashes before me. Why didn't she call? Why didn't she come after me? I sigh heavily and roll over to look at my dad.

"There's my baby." He smiles patting my cheek. "If you don't want to talk about it, that's fine. But you need to go to school, it's better to face your fears then hide."

Reluctantly, I get up. As I brush my teeth I decide I'm not going out without a fight. I'm going to push her. I'm going to chase after her. I'm not letting go. I walk to Jackson's room. He's lying in bed reading over a term paper.

"Hey." I say.

He sets his homework down and smiles. "Hey sis, feeling better?"

"No, but thanks for being there yesterday. And I'm sorry I was so… cold." I frown and fold my arms around my chest.

"Don't sweat it. You've been there for me when I was upset." He smiles at me and I know I'm lucky to have him. I whisper a good bye and I grab my dad's car keys. Lily isn't coming today. It's raining when I start up the car and I can't help but think about how ironic that really is. But then again, Lily loves the rain.

I park and search the lines of cars. Pinkerton is sitting a few rows down, so she's here today. I cover my head with my backpack and run inside. I find my locker and take out my books. I smooth out my shirt and check my shoes, only a little mud. I close my locker and walk off.

My life is so dull without her. I haven't seen her yet, I'm scared, and I'm shaking. Maybe I'll have some kind of mental break down and I'll get sent home! (I'm crazy! I'm crazy!) I'm about to walk inside my math class when I see her. She doesn't see me.

Her hair is wet. Her clothes are drenched. Did she walk in the rain? Lily is holding her books close to her chest. My heart is pounding and my fingers ach for her skin. I think… I think I'm having a panic attack?

I can't let her see me! Quickly I race down the hall, out the doors and to the art department. Mrs. Fredrick is just now unlocking her door. She gives me a funny look.

"I don't have any classes first period. What are you doing?" Her green eyes glare down on me.

"Just let me stay!" I whimper. I think she feels sorry for me, because, with a heavy sigh, she opens her door wider and lets me slip in.

"If you get caught skipping _again_ I will not be held responsible Miss. Stewart. I'm not a consoler. If you have problems see guidance, I have neither the time nor the patients." She warns me.

I wipe a few tears away, smearing my mascara, and I collapse in my front row seat. "I just can't be out there. I can't… I can't see her right now."

Mrs. Fredrick rolls her eyes. "Did you not just hear me?" She shakes her head and sits down at her desk. It's close to winter break and she's wearing a dress of different shades of blue. Her glasses are a snowy white today and she's wearing a pink ring.

"I'm sorry." I sigh sadly.

Mrs. Fredrick stares at me for a moment and rubs her temples. "This has to do with Miss. Truscott correct?"

I snap to attention. "Yeah…" Mrs. Fredrick purses her lips and nods knowingly.

"Well, since it seems I'm not going to accomplish anything this morning you might as well explain a few things."

I'm surprised, none the less, at her request. Do I really just spill my heart out to a cold and often rude art teacher? She waits for me to begin and I realize that yes, I' am.

"We're… well were d-dating. I think, I suppose." I mutter, how does one say something like that to a teacher? This is embarrassing.

"You're gay Miss. Stewart, get on with it." She says bluntly.

I have to hold in a laugh. Hearing Mrs. Fredrick say 'gay' is a little funny. But I suddenly remember what I'm supposed to be doing and sober up. "Well her mom found out and all hell broke loose. And she hates me now and we're avoiding each other and I don't know what is going on and I'm drowning! And I think I'm loosing it!"

Mrs. Fredrick just smiles. "Feel better?"

"No!" I shout. "No I don't because I'm skipping class and I'm in love with a girl! I'm in love with a girl! What is wrong with me? Am I insane?"

"No." Mrs. Fredrick says. "You're just being your true self. Never feel ashamed. You are a remarkable girl Miss. Stewart and if Miss. Truscott is everything you say then I don't see why she would stay away. Take some time, think it over. And get her back."

"You make it sound so easy." I bite back leaning forward in my seat as Mrs. Fredrick smirks.

"Because sometimes it is." She says.

I catch Lily on her way out of Science. She is shocked to see me and jumps a little. "We need to talk." I tell her, eyes narrow jaw tight.

"No, we don't." Lily snaps passing me, I have a brief flash back of Mrs. Truscott. What has she done to my Lily?

"Oliver!"

He's at his locker charming a senior girl. He looks over at me and holds a finger to the girl signaling for her to hold on. Oliver jogs over. "I'm a little busy so make it fast. Amber over there thinks I'm cute."

"Have you talked to Lily lately?"

Oliver looks off to the distance not meeting my glare. "I'm not supposed to say."

"Oliver…" I hiss hotly. "You tell me right now!"

"She came to me last night, she was really upset Miley, what did you do? I've never seen her so… so… broken."

I feel like someone is squeezing my heart. "I didn't do anything! It's her mother! It's society! It's life!"

Oliver frowns. "What is going on between you two?"

Why didn't Lily come to me? Why did she run to Oliver?

"Miley?"

Am I not good enough? And where is she anyway?

"Fine, ignore me then!" Oliver flings his arms up and walks off, back to Amber. I feel like punching someone. I feel like strangling someone. Or screaming. I have to find Lily. I have to _make _her see. As I'm making my way down the hall I spot a sign promoting the art show tonight. I groan, I forgot. I suddenly don't want anyone seeing my ugly pictures. And the worst part is that Lily was supposed to come with me.

I push open the bathroom door. I'm feeling hot; I need some water and a place to hide. Classes have begun so no one should be in here. As I'm about to turn on the sink I hear someone. A muffled sigh, a cry. Lily?!

"Lily?"

A sharp in take of breath.

"I know it's you!"

Nothing.

I knock, hard, on the green stall. "Talk to me!" I've never been one to have a temper. I can usually count to ten and look on the bright side. But with Lily, everything in me is sideways, upside down, and mixed up.

"Please…" She whispers. "Let it go."

"I need to see you. I will never let it go Lily. I _need _you."

The lock on the stall clicks. And her face is before me. I swallow. I've never seen Lily cry so much. She's supposed to be the strong one. "I don't need you." She spits hastily. What is going on? Did I dream up everything she told me? Promised me? I laugh, despite my crumbled hope, and shake my head.

"Really?" I smirk with eyebrows raised. In one fast movement I've wrapped my arms around her and I'm kissing her. Her lips taste salty because of her tears. Her nose is running, but I don't care. I drag her from the bathroom stall. We are standing in the middle of the bathroom.

She is not pulling away.

She is kissing back: Full force, and hard.

She is shaking in my arms and I'm sure I'm shaking as well.

My hands are in her hair and hers find their way under my shirt. I don't want to do this here. I don't want to let her have me this way when she is being confusing. Negative and positive signs flout around us. And then she roughly shoves me away and runs out of the bathroom. I stand, hair a mess and mind spinning. I have my answer.

I went to the rest of my classes. But I didn't listen. I didn't participate. Lily wasn't at lunch or English. When I get out to the parking lot Pinkerton isn't there. The art show is at seven. I don't bother dressing up; I'll most likely spend half the time crying in the bathroom.

It's actually very crowded at school tonight. Mrs. Fredrick is wearing another one of her beautiful and flowing dresses. She is charming and witty as she speaks with parents, teachers and even some scattered students. The people she normally could care less about suddenly become important.

At first I couldn't find my paintings. I felt a flood of relief wash over me. But I spot both of them next to a small sculpture of a hand. My name is on a small card underneath them. I have to admit they look very professional, hung up on the wall.

"You're paintings have been getting a lot of attention Miss. Stewart. You should be proud." Mrs. Fredrick says to me passing by. And I do feel proud.

It hurts to look at the abstract one of Lily but I stare at it. I let my eyes linger over every brush stroke. As I turn away I swear I see a flicker of blonde hair. I swear I can smell her. But it could very well be the painting getting into my head. She isn't here, why would she come?

Drinks and refreshments are being served in the cafeteria. I feel more like throwing up, so I stay behind. I walk outside into the court yard. It's cold out tonight and I wish I would have brought a sweater, or something. The wind is blowing and messing up my hair. Groaning I dig through my purse for a hair scrunchy. I tie up my hair and turn to walk back inside when there she is.

Lily is standing, head bowed next to the door. "Can we talk?"

I put my hands on my hips. "Oh, so now we can talk? What if I don't want too? What if I've decided I'm threw being dumped by you?" My words are harsh, but she must know- I'm furious, I'm hurt!

Lily winces and looks down at her converse shoes. I fight back the urge to run to her and wrap myself around her and apologize over and over. But it's her turn, not mine. Lily breathes in and starts over.

"I deserve that. I'm sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry I freaked out on you and ran you off. It's just… she hurt me. And I couldn't deal with everything happening so fast. I mean my mom she…" Lily jiggles her foot and looks up at the sky and then back at her shoes, she fights the need to cry.

"My mom she said so many awful things… and when you left she said… other things too. Miley?" She looks at me now. I'm standing an arms length away. Her blue eyes scan over mine. What do I want from her? Do I accept her? (Always, I could never turn her away.)

"Yes?" I answer.

"Do, do you still want me? After everything? If you don't… I understand, I took out my anger on you and that wasn't right. But you must know… I still…" She pauses and breaths deep. She closes the distance between us and brushes her thumb across my cheek. "I love you."

I draw in a breath. Love is a strong word. Does she really love me? I meet her eyes and I know, I can see it. I take her hand and kiss it lightly. "I want you. I'll always want you. I love you too."

"Really?" She whispers, bottom lips trembling.

I pull her body to mine in a hug and nod into her shoulder. "Yes." Her arms tighten around mine and I can't help it I'm smiling so wide.

"Thank-you…" She breathes into my neck. "I love you Miley, so much." We separate and she shyly smiles.

I kiss her hand again and lace our fingers together. "Now, let me show you your self portrait."

"Sounds wonderful." Lily grins. And I realize just how much I love her. I realize that if something were to happen again, if she were to be taken from me, I wouldn't know how to survive. We walk inside hand in hand. If my eyes are not playing tricks I swear I see a smirk grow on Mrs. Fredrick's face as we walk by.

Lily lays her head on my shoulder as we look at the other art works. She's being very careful with me. Lily keeps making sure nothing she does bothers me. She isn't talking a lot. She holds my hand and trails behind me, giving me space. But, honestly, the last thing I want is space.

We're standing next to a picture of a broken guitar. "What's your favorite so far?" I ask as Lily walks over. She takes a moment, placing her hands on her hips as she looks around, thinking. I like her stance. I let my eyes trail over her curves. It's good knowing she is here.

Her elbow is almost touching my arm. I wait. Lily shrugs. "I don't know. I think I like that purple elephant back there."

I snort. "It reminded me of the circus."

Lily smiles. "Really? I thought it was more then that. It made me think about memory. You know how elephants have a perfect memory? I kept thinking that the artist was trying to remember something… like something important. I mean did you see that there was a shape in the background that looked like a brain?"

I stare, mouth open. "Wow, Lily."

She turns and laughs at me. "What? I can be smart!"

I smile coyly. "I like it." I lean closer so that our arms are right up against each other. Lily blushes and hides behind her hair. I push her bangs out of her face. I let my fingertips linger on her skin, no one is around…

"Miley… I didn't know… I mean shouldn't we take things slow?"

She's right, I know she's right, but it's hard to keep my hands to myself. I just feel so wonderful and whole with her around. "You're right." I say dropping my hand.

"It's not that I don't want to, you know. I mean Miley you have no idea what you touching me does to me…" She trails off and smiles a silly smile. "But I feel like we should get some kind of foundation down on our relationship. I don't want to mess this up."

I nod and we move on. We stand close after the evening is over. I'm leaning against my dad's car and Lily is toying with my fingers. "I should get going…" She laughs looking at our hands.

"We should do something this weekend."

"Like a date?" Lily asks looking up at me with her killer eyes. I feel weak in the knees. If she keeps looking at me like that my knees are going to buckle and I'm going to fall on my face.

"Yeah, will you go out with me Lily?" I giggle.

"I'd love too."

I get home passed my curfew and earn a glare from my dad but he sees my smile and grins back. "Have fun at the art show?"

"Yes!" I bounce excitedly. "Art is so… thrilling." I kiss him on the cheek and dance up to my room. I close the door and slip into a pair of shorts and tank top. My covers are cool as I snuggle into them. It's a little funny how things work out. I sigh, satisfied, and fall asleep.

_Ring. Ring. Ring._

"Hello?"

It's past midnight. I'm holding my pink phone lazily up against my ear. My eyes are still closed. Who is calling me? I was having such a wonderful dream…

"Miley?" I freeze and snap my eyes open. Lily's voice sounds congestive, like she's been crying.

"Lily?!" I sit up in my bed pushing the covers off and already searching for a pair of shoes.

"She left… My dad came home from his business trip and my mom told him about… us. And they got into a huge fight and my mom packed a few things up and… She just left! She said something about staying at my aunt's house but- but…" Lily sighs into the phone and I have the urge to hold her.

"I'm coming over." I state firmly slipping into a pair of sneakers. (My flip-flops are currently missing.)

"No, don't Miley, it's so late… I just needed to talk to you. I'm sorry I called go back to bed." Her voice grows softer with every word. I imagine her lying on her bed with her head in her hands.

"Not a chance, I'm coming."

I leave a note for my dad on the kitchen counter. Hopefully he'll take pity on me and besides its Friday night or Saturday morning. I start up the car and head down the road. Lily's house is a good fifteen minutes away but there's no one around this early and I'm speeding.

It's when I get to the front door that I realize I can't just ring the doorbell her dad is probably sleeping. And he'll probably by really mad if I wa-

"Hello Miley."

I blush, barely making eye contact with Mr. Truscott. He is slouching and holding a glass of water. He opens the door a little wider and lets me in. I stay still fiddling with my hands.

"S-Sorry about coming here so early it's just Lily called me and…"

He holds up a hand to stops me. "It's perfectly fine. She's upstairs and she won't talk to me." I'm about to walk away when he touches my shoulder gently. I look back and he frowns.

"I'm sorry about what Debbie said. Sometimes she can be a little thoughtless. I think you're good for Lily, Miley." He gives a weak smile and then lets me go. He walks slowly back to the kitchen (a broken man.)

As I head up to Lily's room I realize, that was probably the longest conversation I've ever had with Mr. Truscott. I push open Lily's door. Her room is completely dark. She is spread out on the bed fast asleep. I muffle a laugh with my hands. She is snoring slightly and grunts as she moves into another position.

I take off my shoes and yawn as I crawl into bed. Her phone is propped up on the pillow next to her still open. I close it and set it on the nightstand. I kiss her cheek and examine her face. From the dim light of the hallway I can see bags growing under her eyes. I sigh heavily and pull her to me.

She cuddles up into my embrace and we get comfortable. (Her head on my chest and me sinking into the feather soft comforter.) Just as I'm about to drift off I hear her whisper, "You came?"

I close my eyes and run a finger through her hair. "You needed me."

"I always need you." I feel her smiling into my neck. My heart swells at her words and I pull her in tighter. Needed… I' am needed…

"Miley? Miley?"

I feel like I'm under water. I can just barely make out her soft voice. I try to open my eyes but I'm so bogged down with being tired. I sigh and rub my eyes. I feel warm as her hands lay on my arms. I slowly swim to the surface and open my eyes. Lily is sitting up and hovering above me. She is smiling and her blue eyes twinkle.

"Your dad called." She says touching my cheek. "He was a little upset but I took the blame, so you're off the hook."

"Thanks." I yawn and gathering up the covers around me and pushing them away. I'm hot because of the morning sun shinning on me.

"You look good in the morning." Lily states as her finger runs over my bottom lip. Her eyes are scanning my face. I try to hold her gaze but she always looks off at my nose or chin.

"Did you sleep well?" I ask softly running my hand up and down her arm.

"Sort of. It was nice having you here. Did you know you talk in your sleep?" She giggles slightly.

"No!" I say worried (God only knows what I said.) "What did I say? Man, if I said something lame…"

Lily rolls her laughs and settles back into her bed, but this time she pulls me to her. I let my head rest on her chest. "You just rambled. I couldn't understand half of it. At first you were talking about that French test we had. And then…" I tilt my head up so I can see her blushing. "You really like my hips don't you?" She laughs. I pull back and sit up in the bed, how embarrassing!

I bite my lip and groan. "Gees, Lily I'm sorry."

"Oh no, it's cool I like hearing positive things about my body." She leans in and kisses my cheek, and then smiles coyly. "How about some breakfast?"

"Sounds great."

Lily's dad is already gone when we get downstairs he's left a note for Lily that she reads and frowns at. I want to ask her about it but she crumbles it up and throws it away. I know better then to bring up difficult topics with Lily so early in the morning. So, we make pancakes and talk about the weekend. (Easy and harmless)

…

**Author's Note: **Well, I'm planning on some good ol' fluff for the next chapters. So, we'll hold off on the angst. I dearly and truly hope you are still enjoying this. Your reviews have lifted my sprits and made me smile. Thank-you. Leave your thoughts.


	9. Picturesque

**Author's Rant: **A few readers's voiced their concerns about Lily getting over her mother's departure too quickly. Here is my reasoning: My very own impression of Lily is that she will push things aside. She'll ignore and let problems bottle up. She wants to stay happy and light. I know there are a lot of scenes with her crying and being weak but well… in all honesty I think it's perfectly normal.

Also I remember someone asking about Miley being car-less. Well… (And I hope this doesn't make you think I'm a bad writer who doesn't plan.) I actually don't know why. I never really thought about it. I mean, I don't have a car. The only reason Lily has a pink bug is because, first, I thought it was a complete Lily car and besides she's an only child. Miley can just use her brother's car or dad's car.

Also, thanks to everyone who likes hearing things from only one side (Miley's side.) It's often hard for me to keep from running off and hearing from Lily. But me, being the writer, I know exactly what's going on. So it's hard to personify what is going on with Lily to you readers. But I'm glad you guys are hanging in there and enjoying the ride.

_**Sammythegreatsockrocker:**_ (I had to give you a personal message because your fears truly broke my heart.) A friend of mine is going through the same problem. I sympathize greatly for anyone in your situation. Personally, I think I went the easy way in letting Mrs. Truscott find Lily and Miley together. (Because not telling eats at one's insides.) I offer you my support and I wish you luck. My hat is off to you.

_**CraftyNotePad**_ …I think I've been patient. The absence of you depresses me deeply. I feel like I have lost a prime writing buddy. I no longer need your approval but I would like to hear your thoughts. Or maybe just a quick hello.

**Random Note: **My teachers are mean and give loads of work, there's my excuse. (Three papers and two projects later here's chapter nine.)

……

"What about these?" I hold up two pairs of shoes and stare at Lily. She is laid out on my bed flipping through a magazine. She lifts her head up and bites her bottom lip in thought.

"Well…" She trails off scanning intently over the shoes. "I like the blue ones."

"Me too!" I bounce slipping into them. Lily and I share a smile. She shakes her head and laughs. I collapse next to her and read over her shoulder.

"Anything interesting?" I ask yawning.

"Apparently you are dating one of the Jonas brothers." Lily giggles turning the page. I roll my eyes and twist my finger around a strand of Lily's hair. We lay together and I stare off into space. I have a Hannah concert in two hours, but I don't feel like going. I feel like falling asleep in Lily's arms.

I play with her hair and close my eyes. The sun is setting and its Saturday, no homework, no worries, just Lily and me, me and Lily. I smile and open my eyes she is staring back at me. 'Hi' she mouths. I laugh softly.

Why is she whispering?

Maybe not to ruin the moment.

She leaves little kisses around my face (cheek, nose, corners of my mouth.) Being with her calms every fiber in my being. There is a lazy feeling climbing up inside of me. We are the ocean's waves. I feel like writing a song. I feel like painting a picture. If I could I would dedicate everything to her- my best friend, my new found lover. I'm lying flat on my back and Lily moves so that she is on top of me.

I like having her this way, her solid body pushed up against mine, her hips to mine and her lips attached tightly. "Oh." She says pulling back. "I need to… I need to write something." Quickly she jumps up and runs to her bag and pulls out a notepad and pencil. She scribbles fiercely and then marks something out and then re-writes. She finishes, frowns and shoves it back inside.

I watch, I smile- the writing process. "Can I see it?" I ask quietly.

She shakes her head. "It's bad, not what I wanted." She slides back to me, her side touching my side. Her hand on top of my hand.

"I'd really like to see it." I pester lightly.

She rolls her eyes. "Fine, but no laughing." She fishes through her bag and pulls the wrinkles page out and hands it to me. I sit up and greedily take it and begin reading.

"_Where are you?_

_Darling, has the night-_

_swept you_

_devoured you _

_Rays of light_

_like candle flames flicker_

_(in and out- your whisper)_

_I hear the breaths of you_

_Calm waves wash through_

_Darling?_

_Are you here?_

_Yes-_

_Yes-"_

I've never really read Lily's poetry before. I've seen some portion from her beginning stages but this is different. It makes me sad; there is a melancholy cloud hanging above. But it's hopeful I smile at her and hand the paper over.

She is nervous and shrugs. "It's okay if you hate it. You just… being with you makes me feel so different, so alive."

I meet her stare. "I liked it." I assure her earnestly. She blushes and I kiss her cheek. She smiles, her nose crinkling a little, my heart skips a beat and a spell is cast. It's so wonderful the magic fills my whole being.

"Miley?"

I look up at my dad's face peeking from behind the door.

"The limo's here." He says smiling. "You two ready?"

Lily sits up and grabs her black wig from the side of the bed. "Ready Freddy!" She grins and takes my hand.

My dad is up front laughing with the driver. Lily and I are in the back smiling at each other. Lily's hand is sitting comfortably on my thigh; I've got my arm around her shoulders (pulling her in.) I'm not sure why but the world is always clearer (but always fuzzy) when we are touching. Everything fades away; I'm only concentrating on her skin, where our hands are, and if we can go somewhere dark.

Maybe I'm moving too fast. Lily is still unstable with her parents. Everything hasn't worked out. Her mother hasn't come home yet and Lily's been spending every moment with me. Her dad called once today and Lily seemed a little frustrated after their conversation. But when she looks at me she smiles and shakes her head.

I don't want to pressure her into telling me but, I want to know so bad! I'm too curious for my own good. So, I hold my tongue and instead distract both myself and Lily with heated kisses and lingering touches of fingers across hot skin. (She doesn't seem to mind. If anything I'm being lured into her plan of not telling me what's really going on.)

We arrive at the concert and I can hear the roars of excited fans. Lily leans in and kisses my cheek. "Get out there superstar." She laughs.

I open the door and blinding flashes of the cameras sting my eyes. A report is in my face asking questions a million a minute: "Boyfriend? New album? Friends? Parties? Secrets! Tell all Miss. Montana!" My dad is there in a second waving off the crowd. My eyes dart around to find Lily (Lola.)

"Dad where is-"

A warm hand suddenly intertwines with mine. Her face is before me, red lips, flushed cheeks, blue eyes, and all. My dad kisses my forehead and then runs off to check sound, lights and beat up Burney (stage manager) for letting all those reporters in.

Lily and I stride off to my dressing room, but if my eyes aren't lying Lily has a very sassy hop to her walk. It's more like a strut. I smirk and lean in to her ear as we near the room, "What's that sexy walk called?"

Lily wipes around and pulls me (by my shirt collar) into the room and then slams the door. "It's called my girlfriend is the ever yummy Hannah Montana."

And then her lips are on mine. I realize it took several hours to get this wig, make-up, and right outfit on and Lily is only messing it up with her wandering hands, but gosh, I really don't mind. My back is against the door I try and move to a more dominate position, usually Lily is my prey but today she wants to have_ full _control. I grant it, no qualms here.

She detaches her lips from mine (I know I'm going to have her lipstick everywhere.) She moves south, hands tight on my hips, teeth nibbling on the tender skin of my neck. I'm not sure what it is about kissing her that makes me want to scream out the most vulgar and dirty things but… Christ what was that?

We shouldn't be doing this!

We should be talking and working things out about her parents!

We should… we should.

"God Lily!"

We sound like animals (is that normal?) a low raspy moan, a high pitched sigh. I don't know if it's me or Lily.

There's a knock on the door. "Is everything alright Hannah? You've got curtain call in ten!"

Lily pays no mind to the man behind the door she stays right where she is. I close my eyes tightly and try and focus on Chester (the lights guy) and what he's saying.

"Y-Yes p-perfectly fine Chester!"

Lily tears herself from my grasp and blushes a deep shade of red. She smiles proudly, though, I'm trying to support myself the best I can. (Hand on the doorknob, back leaning into the door.)

"You okay Hannah?" She teases lightly.

I swallow and open my eyes slowly. "You must be bipolar or maybe you have a twin because… because sometimes you are so…" Aggressive and completely sexy and then the next minute soft and angelic. I like it, I love it.

Lily just laughs and fixes my wig and straightens out my clothes. "You should get going. Your fans are waiting…"

I turn on my heel and open the door. The drums are pounding out a heavy beat. One of my guitarists is jamming on the opening cords of _Girls Night Out_. Lily knows I need a moment alone before going on stage. I like standing off to the side and taking deep breaths. I clear my throat a few times and shake off the nerves. But tonight I'm pumped; I jump up and down a few times. Chester hands me my mike.

Lily gives me thumbs up and I run off to the stage. It's the most exhilarating experience. (The lights! The cheers! The attention!) You are a god, if only for a short moment in time. I always felt at home on stage and as terrible as it might sound I love having the fans eyes on me.

I capture their hearts and minds with a clap of my hands and the opening words of my song. They sing along and the band sweats out a hard instrumental break. Jody, my guitarists, jumps up front and her fingers do the job. Gwen, the drummer, speeds things up while hammering on the base. I slide out of the spot light and let them have it. As Jody begins to slow down I race up.

I squeeze my eyes shut and lift the mike up as I belt out a long note. The crowd goes wild. My body is vibrating with the sounds. The base guitar is screaming in my system. My heart is beating so fast it hurts, but in a good way. The audience is dancing and grooving to the beat. I can't stop, we can't stop. All of us come together in this one moment, a split second in time and space. I feel connect with everyone here.

They are hearing my heart; they are going through my emotions with me with each coming song. It's a feeling you just can't stop, you don't want to stop. Music is my life. Music is what lifts me up and slaps me down. It is a joy and curse. ("Louder! Louder!" They scream.) We're reaching a climax; the show is coming to an end. I come together with my band we're blending and becoming a softer melody. And then… silence.

"That was _so _awesome!" Lily bounces. "I mean it was just… how do you do it?"

I'm sweating through my clothes. My necklace, earrings, and bracelets stick to my wet skin. I'm happy, but tired. (And pleased that Lily enjoyed it, in the end she's the one that matters.)

Lily notices the drossiness in my eyes and takes my hand and we walk to my room. She is patient as I dry off with a towel. My dad checks in and encourages the show and offers me cold drinks.

In the limo Lily let's me rest my head on her shoulder. "Thanks for coming tonight." I whisper.

"No problem. I wouldn't miss a concert; I come as long as you want me too." She plays with my hair and I feel content. We get to the house and Jackson is passed out on the couch watching the TV guide channel. Lily and I sneak away to my bedroom.

Lily becomes distant as we sit on my bed. "What's wrong?"

"It's really late." She observes. I nod and check the clock. I look back at her and see her frowning lips.

"Lily?"

"Can I stay the night?" She asks quickly. Oh.

"Sure." I say slowly letting my hand rub her arm up and down. "You okay?"

"I just don't really want to go home." She whispers hoarsely.

"It's fine. Let's get changed and go to bed, how does that sound?" I give her a soft smile and nuzzle into her neck.

"Good." Lily sighs happily.

We take turns showering. I lend her a pair of pink pajamas. I turn out the lights and we cuddle up.

"You smell good." Lily breathes out into my arm as she gets comfortable.

"So do you." I say leaning in and sniffing her hair. "I like it when you use my shampoo." We share a brief laugh and then fall asleep.

… My head hurts. My body aches. And I feel like I'm going to… I sit up fast. Lily jolts up as I detangle myself from her grip. I race to my bathroom.

"Miley?"

Face down in the toilet I can't answer. "Eww." I choke out sniffling and leaning back against the wall, away from the mess in the toilet. Lily appears in the doorway and frowns. She glides over to the sink drawer and pulls out a wash cloth. She wets it and places it gently on my forehead.

"Better?" She asks.

I nod and groan in response. "How did this happen?" I moan closing my eyes and letting Lily pull my hair up in a bun. I keep the wash cloth on my forehead; the cool contact does wonders for my hot head.

I open my eyes as Lily shrugs. "Maybe you got that bug that's running around school. Oliver has it."

When did Oliver get sick? Lily seems to sense of uncertainty and laughs.

"He left early on Friday, Miley, didn't you notice?"

I blush sheepishly. "Not really." Honestly? I don't notice anything but Lily these days. She rolls her eyes but smiles softly.

"You think you can make it to the bed?"

I shake my head. "Just leave me here to die!" I proclaim feeling a strange bubbly sensation rising. My stomach turns and I groan. "I hate being sick."

"Well that's why you have me!" Lily says brightly. "Nurse Lily here for all your basic needs!"

She helps me stand and, somehow, make it back to my bed. She settles me into the pillows and tucks me in securely. She leans in to kiss my forehead but I stop her by turning away. "I don't want to get you sick."

Lily sighs, "Like I care."

"I care." I fight back pulling away. "You should probably run away before I infect you further."

Lily just shakes her head. "No way! You're stuck with me missy and I'm kissing your forehead if I feel like it."

I give in and lay back. "Whatever flouts your boat."

She smirks, satisfied, and kisses me softly. I let her wipe the stray hairs on my face back into the bun. Her cold hands are heaven on my face and I tell her so.

"I'm going to tell your dad what's going on, be back soon." Lily hastily walks out the door. I sit, silently and think.

My stomach is beginning to feel more at ease. As long as I'm not moving it feels fine. I glance over at the floor where Lily's shoes and jacket are laid, carelessly. I smile as I notice small trinkets of hers around my room.

And earring, bracelet, and socks from our last sleep over many weekends ago. I can hear Lily running up the stairs. She appears in my doorway and smiles softly.

"How's my favorite patient?" She asks closing the door and sitting on the edge of the bed.

"Miserably." I say with a sigh. She frowns and shakes her head while stroking my arm, it feels nice.

"Poor baby." She coos settling back in the bed and lying next to me. She wraps her arms around me and rubs my stomach. "How's this?" She whispers in my ear. I nod and close my eyes.

"Perfect."

"My mom use to sit up with me like this when I was sick." Lily remarks sadly. I turn so I can watch her blue eyes cloud over with an old memory. Lily shakes her head and her eyes are clear again. "But it doesn't matter."

"Yes it does, talk to me Lily. What's going on? With your dad? With your mom?"

"I don't want to talk about it. You're sick let's not fight."

Who said anything about fighting? My stomach makes a sharp turn and I hold my breath. I make a mental note to kill Oliver and then I try and focus on Lily as she tightens her grip on me.

"Fine." I breathe out, the pain has past now. "What about your dad?"

"He's fine with us. We talked about it when he came home from his business trip. He told me he loved me, accepted me, and supported me blah, blah, blah." Lily sighs, waving it off.

"Well, that's good right?" I ask, isn't it good? At least one of her parents is open.

"It's just… I can't explain it. He _says _he's okay but he doesn't really _act _like it. I think it's because… my mom."

Lily suddenly stops rubbing my stomach and pulls away. She sits back on the edge of the bed. Oh no. Every time we have ever fought Lily needs her space, she needs to be standing and keep her pride.

"I'm so angry with her." Lily whispers. "How could she do that to me?"

I sit, silent. What can I say? Maybe I should have just kept my mouth shut.

"I love my mom. We were so close. I told her everything and… I mean I'm her _daughter_! Doesn't that count for something?"

Lily isn't looking at me; she is up and pacing my bedroom floor. I sit up in bed and wince as my stomach twists unpleasantly.

"Give her time." I suggest lamely. Lily's head snaps up to look at me; it's as if she just realized I was here. Sometimes Lily goes off in her head; those are the times I worry about her.

Lily shrugs. "I don't know… and maybe I don't care." She meets my eye. "I have you." She smiles and my sprits lift up so high I can't imagine what I use to do without her. "And that's enough for now. My mom will just have to deal with the fact that I love you Miley… is that okay? I know I said I wanted to move slow but… well you know me." She laughs and I laugh.

"It's fine, totally fine come here." I open my arms and Lily smirks.

"Eww your sick!" She teases.

I roll my eyes. "Please!"

I feel much better. Lily and I are standing by my front door. She is jiggling her keys in her hands and not making eye contact.

"I'll see you tomorrow?" Her voice is low.

"Yeah." I smile rubbing her arm. "Are you okay?"

"It's just…my house… my dad, my mom, everything. But, you know I'm going to have to face them some time." She smiles up at me and we kiss good bye.

I close the door and watch as she pulls out of the driveway, her car headlights streaming through the windows and onto my walls casting long shadows. I'm ready to move on from this stage. I'm angry with Lily's parents and I'm angry at myself for wasting the weekend and not taking her home to sort all of this out together.

"You feeling better Miles?"

"Yes daddy."

"I'm sorry about Lily's folks."

"It's fine daddy."

"Goodnight."

"Night."

I'm not sure when our conversation became so vague and short. I know I'm the one pulling away but I'm worried about Lily. And sometimes I like my space. No questions, because those are just headaches waiting to happen. I need sleep. My bed has always offered me, in the past, all the comfort I ever needed. But now, tonight I worry over stupid things. What will tomorrow bring?

"Hey!"

She looks so happy, so bright. Lily's skin is glowing in the sun and her smile makes me feel warm inside.

"Did you sleep well?" I ask as we walk to our lockers.

"I didn't get any sleep! But Miley you won't believe it! My mom came back last night."

So far this sounds bad.

"And we talked. We had a _real _talk. It didn't start well but my dad defended me and my mom is coming around. I feel so… light."

Lily holds out her arms and laughs. This is the girl I fell in love with. We walk (hand in hand) to our first class. Oliver eyes Lily and asks what is going on. I shake my head and we walk together, the Three Musketeers, to class. The sun is shinning for the first time in weeks…

Mrs. Fredrick is painting when I reach her class early after lunch. Her back is hunched over and she is slowly spreading yellow paint along her sunflower picture. I sit down and take in the scene. She is wearing a loose white t-shirt over her fancier professional clothes.

"Hello Miss. Stewart. How is Miss. Truscott?" She doesn't look at me as she speaks.

"Wonderful." I sigh happily pulling out my sketchpad.

"I placed your paintings in my small studio closet. I'll retrieve them after class."

The bell rings and students begin pilling in. I get a few complements on my paintings from Friday's art show. Bonnie smiles at me and tells me she hopes I stick with it. I nod and the lesson begins. Today is water colors. I paint white lilies…

As Mrs. Fredrick fishes through her closet I look at her desk. It's very cluttered (paintbrushes, pencils, charcoal, pens and scattered papers with quick sketches of people on them.) She is a true artist. I admire her for her pose and talent. But something catches my eye, a photograph. It's black and white and wrinkled. There's a long crease in the middle, it's been folded countless time.

I pick it up with great care. On the back it says: _Summer of 1978 Jane and Molly_. Jane… Jane… Mrs. Fredrick's name is Jane. I turn back to the front; two young women are standing with their arms around each other in front of a house. The women are laughing, mouths open and eyes squinting from the summer sun.

One woman is wearing a long dress and the other is in tight flare jeans and loose shirt. I smile, they look happy, free. (Both equally pretty.) As I'm putting the picture down I see Mrs. Fredrick staring darkly at me. Her green eyes flash dangerously.

She places my paintings down and walks over. She grabs the picture from her desk. "Curiosity killed the cat, Miss. Stewart." She says, cool as ice. "You know I wish you could mind your own business for a change."

"I'm sorry." I whisper.

Mrs. Fredrick just sighs and shrugs. "I should be livid, but I will forgive you, again. You must know I'm a private person."

"I know, but I want to know more about you. I mean just last week I spilled my guts and you can't even explain why I caught you so upset that one day. You won't tell me about this photograph or of that painting of that black haired woman in your closet." I shouldn't be talking to a teacher like this. But I just want a friend. Maybe I want to help her. Maybe I want a mother.

Mrs. Fredrick frowns; her forehead shows her worry lines and her eyes become soft. "You and I are a lot alike Miss. Stewart. In time I hope we can trust each other."

And with that said she leaves. She gathers her shawl and glides away with perfect grace. What does that mean? Feeling let down I turn on my heel and catch up with Lily and Oliver as we walk to class. Oh well, at least I'm getting closer. (But closer to what exactly?)

Lily and I are spread out on her floor. My history book is open and my notes are covering the left side of the carpet. Lily's journals and poetry for her Creative Writing class are organized in a strange 'U' around her. We're quiet.

"I like that one." I say pointing to the poem on her right.

"Really?"

I nod as Lily picks it up and re-reads it. She frowns and sticks out her tongue

"_Please_! I wrote this like two years ago!" She laughs tossing it aside. I grab it and hold it up.

"No I like it! Just use it! For me." I add using my special puppy dog eyes. Lily has to make a short poetry book for her Creative Writing class and she's having a difficult time deciding what to use. Thus why I' am here, to knock some sense into her and tell her that the poems are fine. Her parents aren't home yet. I'm simply dreading seeing her mother. Although Lily assures me that her mom is trying to understand, it doesn't mean she's forgiven.

When I asked Lily how she felt she told me it still hurts her. And she probably won't have that same relationship with her mom like she did. Which depresses me beyond belief, they were _so _close. But at least her mother is home.

I take the poem and sigh. Lily refuses to listen, so to torture her I read it aloud (Lily _hates_ hearing her poems, stories, or anything read aloud to her.) I clear my throat and begin.

"_A twist of her hair_

_A twirl of yarn_

_The purr of the cat_

_A smirk from their face_

_Sly laughs-_

_heard quietly through the rooms_

_A call from behind_

_A shake of the hand_

_The purr of the cat…" _

Lily throws a pillow and it hits me in the face. "HEY!" I laugh glaring in a teasing manner.

"Why do you like that? It doesn't even make any sense!"

"Of course it does!" I smile. "I think… what were you trying to get across?"

"I don't know! I wrote it like two years ago. It was more of a descriptive poem." Lily shrugs snatching the crinkled paper from my hands.

"You're an abstract poet!" I announce proudly.

"Abstract my as-" Lily stops as the door opens quietly. I didn't know anyone was home! It's her mother. Mrs. Truscott stands outside of her daughter's room; she isn't even standing in the doorway.

"Good afternoon girls." She says through pursed lips.

I swallow hard, think happy thoughts: unicorns, sunshine, rainbows… wait rainbows? Mrs. Truscott coughs, and I snap out of my thought. "It's getting late… Maybe Miley should head home."

Or maybe I could stay! I feel like shooting back, but instead I sit like a deer in the headlights and quickly dart my eyes to Lily who stops smiling and her face becomes expressionless.

"Would you excuse us Miley?" Lily asks sweetly. I nod and Lily stands and walks out to the hallways closing her bedroom door behind her. I let out a breath I didn't know I was holding and slouch a little.

I can still hear their voices.

_Lily:_ "I thought you said you would try!"

_Mrs. Truscott:_ "I' am Lily!"

_Lily:_ "No you're not! Why don't you let Miley stay for dinner? Before you use to beg me to bring Miley to stay!"

_Mrs. Truscott: _"That was before you decided to become a lesbian!"

_Lily: _"Why are you like this?"

_Mrs. Truscott: _(deep sigh) "I'm sorry Lily… I really am. Come on let's go invite Miley to stay."

The door opens back up Mrs. Truscott looks worn out but I see a trace of a smile as she invites me to stay. Lily leads me downstairs and sets an extra plate for me next to her and her dad. Mr. Truscott is making dinner. He asks me how my day was and dinner moves along. Mrs. Truscott, however, stares at her plate.

Lily walks me to my car. I throw my school bag and purse in the seat and then turn back to Lily who offers me a smile and soft kiss.

"I'm sorry about my mom."

"S'okay." I say tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear. "I'm just happy that you're here, with me."

We kiss again, a littler slower then before, and then I leave. The ride home is nice; I pop in my Cary Brother's CD and hum along. I kiss my dad's cheek and hug Jackson tightly. They ask me what is wrong and I just shrug and say: "Life can surprise you."

…

**Author's Note: **You can look forward to a little tension between the Three Musketeers in the next chapter. And maybe a little more from Mrs. Fredrick. And maybe even a little more confidence from Lily in her new found sexuality. So stay tuned and tell me what you think. Leave your thoughts…


	10. Crash

**Author's Note: **Did I ever mention how much I love my readers? Well, I do. You guys are my inspiration to keep moving forward with this. Hopefully I won't let you down. (Fingers crossed.)

…

Hanging upside down from my couch I let the blood rush to my head. Outside it is freezing (for California weather). My homework is left unfinished on my coffee table. I don't feel like worrying over math homework just yet. The TV plays a commercial for face cream and no one is home.

Jackson- out on a date.

Dad- in a meeting.

Me- bored out of my skull.

I fall off the couch and land on my side. I yawn and reach for my phone. Lily is at work but she should be getting off soon. I dial her cell quickly and wait. My new Hannah song _Clear_ blasts as I wait. I hum along and run a finger through my hair.

"Hey this is Lily! Here comes the- _Beep!_"

I laugh at her high pitched voice. "Hey you, I was calling to see if you wanted to hang out over my place but I guess the library if keeping you. Tell Heather, the evil one aka your boss, not to be so hard on you. Anyway! Call me back when you can." I make a kissy noise into the phone and then toss it onto the couch. It makes a thud and then silence. The TV goes black for a moment before the next commercial appears, it's for cold medicine. I slowly open my math book and give a sigh. Homework it is.

Ten minutes and one math problem later my phone is ringing. Seeing Lily's name my heart jumps and I quickly open it. "Hey!" I smile into the pink phone.

"Hi." Her voice is tired. "Work was crap. I got stuck on return duty. Did I mention I hate Heather?"

"Oh once or twice." I giggle.

"It's good to hear your voice." Lily sighs into the phone. "Especially after a rough day."

"Same here buddy."

I can hear her Schuyler Fisk CD playing in the background of her car as she drives. Lily has often remarked that's the only CD that can ease her nerves after a long day. We are quiet. "We should do something tomorrow." Lily suggests.

"Movie night!" I shout pumping my arm up in the air.

"Movie night!" Lily agrees shouting back.

"I'll supply everything you just have to show up." I tell her. Lily and I confirm times and plan it out, as I hang up my dad walks in. He waves and sheds his coat. Giving up on math I decide to call it a night. Putting away my books I stretch my stiff muscles and yawn again. Where have the days gone?

Oliver is acting weird, well, weirder then usual. He has hardly spoken to me or Lily. This is strange because normally he'll greet Lily and me as we park Pinkerton. But today he takes one glance at Lily and then runs off. Lily is even acting extra jumpy. Every time I try to touch her shoulder or take her hand she'll jolt up and blush and apologize. It's all very peculiar.

I corner Oliver in between third and fourth period. "Okay Oken, what is up with you and Lily?" I stand with my hands on my hips glaring down at him.

Oliver shuts his locker holding his Spanish book; I've never seen his eyes so clouded with sorrow. He just shrugs. "Why don't you just go ask your girlfriend."

He doesn't look angry, he looks sad. I open my mouth but Oliver holds up a hand. "Save it Miley, I've had a rough night." With that said he walks off, shoulders hunched over and looking altogether broken.

For an odd reason my heart jumps up in my throat and my stomach twists up into a large knot. Lily is walking to French when I grab her hand and drag her to the nearest girl's bathroom. The late bell rings but I could care less about class.

"Oliver knows!" I hiss after checking the stalls to make sure no one is ease dropping.

Lily nods. "I told him last night. He came to my house."

"So… so is he mad?" I ask nervously.

Lily scratches behind her ear. "Not exactly."

"Please tell me there's more to that statement." I frown staring as Lily shifts her weight from one foot to the other.

"Oliver came to my house last night to confess something… and well…"

"Just say it!"

"He likes me."

My heart stops beating. The hairs on my arms stand up. What?

"Oliver came over told me how he felt and I sort of blurted out that you and I are together." Lily says looking around the bathroom.

"Is there anything else or is that all?" I ask still feeling as though someone is clutching my insides.

"… He kissed me."

No.

No!

_No!_

He can't have her. He's not allowed to kiss, or touch Lily. I'm the only one who is privileged enough to know the feel of her lips. Not Oliver, never Oliver. I lick my lips quickly and glance at her. Lily is staring at me looking pitiful and sad.

"I'm sorry Miley. I didn't ask him to, I pushed him away and told him about us. But its Oliver, he's my best friend."

"So are we breaking up?!" I shout throwing my hands out.

"What? No, no! All I'm saying is that Oliver is hurting right now and maybe we shouldn't flaunt our relationship at him."

I'll flaunt if I want to! "So because of Oliver I can't kiss you around him or touch you? That's… that's just stupid."

Why am I acting like this?

"Why are you acting like this?" Lily snaps.

"I don't know!" I say, frustrated. Because I'm scared I'm jealous and I think you might run off with him and leave me behind.

Lily walks over and cups my cheeks. "Miley." She says completely serious, her eyes blazing into mine. "I'm not going anywhere. I'm in this, I'm here because I love you and I want you."

How does she read my mind like that? Am I that transparent? "Good." I breathe out. Lily smiles and kisses me. We embrace tightly, she smells like lavender today. "So how long do we have to be good around Oliver?" I ask as we pull apart.

"I really don't know. I was thinking of talking to him today."

My throat closes up. "Can I come with you?"

"Why?" Lily asks.

"I just… I want to be there." I state firmly. If I'm standing next to Lily he won't try anything. I couldn't handle him kissing her again.

"Okay we'll grab him at lunch then." Lily says. "Hopefully he's clamed down a little."

"Was he angry with you?" I wonder aloud taking Lily's hand.

"Not like that!" Lily assures me. "He was just… distant… a little too quiet. It scared me. I mean Oliver's always had my back. We've been friends for so long. I'd hate to see all of that thrown away just because I love you."

Her eyes are downcast. "He'll come around." I smile wrapping an arm around her shoulders. I kiss her cheek and she looks up at me with her deep ocean eyes and grins.

"You're right. It just takes time."

Oliver finds us first. He's eyes are a darker brown then I remember but he just tells us to meet in the empty classroom across the court yard. We follow and close the door behind us. Oliver stands in the dark room with his hands deep in his pockets.

"I'm sorry." He whispers. "I'm sorry I kissed you Lily and for acting immature. I accept you guys, because you two are my best friends."

It's funny, but Oliver is staring at Lily, not me as he talks. I listen as he goes into detail about how stupid he's been acting today. I forgive him, maybe a little too quickly and Lily, after a moment, nods her head and accepts it. But, and as hard as this is to admit, I don't think anything will ever be the same after this. After we leave this darkly lit classroom we won't be able to just _be_ anymore.

Things have changed. The grounds have shifted and our foundation as friends has cracked. Oliver still looks heartbroken as Lily takes my hand and leads me from the room. He trails behind, a tight smile on his face. And it's now as we sit in silence staring at our lunch trays that the awkward afternoons begin.

He loves her, and I can't blame him. Lily is the most loveable girl. I'm lucky. It's funny because usually Lily is the one, while running her finger's through my hair, to tell me how lucky she is to have me. The world makes sense with Lily in it and by my side. But seeing Oliver trudging along like a lost puppy makes my heart hurt.

I'm late to Mrs. Fredrick's class. She eyes me as I walk in just before the bell and take my seat. I start on another water color picture of flowers (today it's Carnations) I plan on putting them altogether in a large collage. Bonnie looks at me funny for a minute and then shakes her head.

She looks like she wants to ask me something. I set my paintbrush down and smile. "Bonnie?"

"Hum? Oh, hello Miley." She blushes and ducks her head, short strawberry hair covering her eyes.

"Is there something you wanted?"

"No." She replies a little quickly.

"Sure?"

"Positive."

I shrug and add a little more water to the flower to make it lighter. Maybe I'll color the leaves a darker green. Or, no, I've got it a yellow green! Excitedly I mix the yellow and green on my pallet and begin painting in the small leaves.

"Miley?"

I snap up, Bonnie is nervously fumbling with her hands and biting her lower lip. She meets my eyes for a spilt second and then looks down at her dirty black converse shoes.

"Yes?" I say a little aggravated, if I wait too long the water will dry on my paper.

"I was just wondering… about Lily?"

Lily?

"Are you two like a thing?"

Mouth open I feel like a fish out of water. "What?" I say breathlessly.

Bonnie checks around the room to see if anyone is looking or listening. She leans in and whispers. "It's cool if you are… I mean… I have two dads… so I know it can be hard."

Why is she talking to me about this? Not knowing how to respond I nod and turn back to my paint then look to Bonnie with a frown. "How did you…?"

"I'm not blind." She says with a small smile. I can't help it, but I'm laughing.

"You're not that bad Bonnie. And thanks."

She seems pleased and turns back to her project. I feel a strange sense of relief for the first time since this morning with Oliver. Maybe coming out to the student body won't be that bad. I've been dying to be able to kiss Lily out in the public eye. I've lost my momentum for working so I sit quietly and smile.

They are standing out by the lockers. Lily is talking, but I can't make out what she is saying. Oliver nods and then says something. Lily smiles. Oliver smiles. They hug. My jealousy flares but I breathe in, let it go. I wait for them to finish before I walk over. Oliver's eyes still looking distressed but his smile is true.

"Hey Miles." He greets.

I wave and Lily grabs me and pulls me close. "Everything okay?" I ask.

"Great." Lily promises. And we walk to English (Oliver standing off a little, not as close to us three days ago).

Lying out on Lily's deck we watch the sun set while seated in her wooden chairs. I'm in her lap and Lily is rubbing my back softly. What is it about sun sets that sober everyone? What it is that makes my body sigh with a release of the ending day? The horizon is on fire, a golden orange. The purple shade of night seeps through the cracks of the sun's rays, it is peaceful.

"I was thinking…" She begins whispering in my ear. "That maybe we could be more… open about our relationship at school. Now that Oliver and I have settled some things and our parents know… maybe…"

I look at her, turning only a little not to ruin the comfortable position. "Really?" I wonder softly.

"Yes." Lily says her beautiful blues captivating me. I can't help it; I kiss her gently, hands sitting respectfully on her shoulders while she wraps her arms around my waist. Lily's lips are like velvet: dark red, and smooth.

One… two… three… go! Nothing. Aggravated at myself I sigh deeply and grit my teeth (grin and bear it!) Lily is standing behind me. I feel her front pressed into my back. Her hands find their way around my middle and her head sits on my shoulder.

"Ready?"

NO! "Okay."

She laughs, body shaking slightly against my back. I shudder. "It doesn't seem like it. You know we don't have to do this today. We can take our time." Lily assures me.

"No, I want too." I say firmly.

Together we walk the hall. We are standing so close that are shoulders and arms are pressed right up against each others. Lily's air of self assurance is radiating off her and spreading warmth around and within me. If she is calm then I'm calm. The funny part? No one seemed to notice. Lots of girl-friends hold hands and hug.

But I'm not going to pin Lily up against the lockers to prove a point. The school can find out whenever they find out. The only exception: When I feel like kissing Lily, I'll do it without hesitation; I won't quickly scan the room to see if anyone is looking. Why should we be embarrassed? We are in love.

I have a sudden girlish desire to skip. We swig our arms back and fourth and head to class. Oliver meets us and we all walk together. This is easy, so easy. Lily and I are happy. The gray walls of high school no longer bear down on me. No longer do I feel like a caged bird. (Free! Free to be me!)

Lunch comes like a dream, soft and hazy. We are at the back table in the courtyard. The sun is smiling down us. The weather is cool. The trees sway in the gentle wind and Lily's hair takes on a life all of its own. I play with her curls, taming it from the growing wind. She laughs at something someone said. I pay it no mind. I'm in my Lily mood.

And then I do something drastic. I lean in slowly. I scoot closer to her on the bench. I'm wearing jeans today and a light pink shirt. Lily is dressed in her usual baggy shorts and tight green sweater. Her nails are painted a wild purple. I can do this. I can do this.

Who cares what _they _say.

Who are _they _anyway?

I kiss her.

_They _stop and stare.

_They _cringe and protest.

It happens fast. I pull back, Lily smiles. We share a secret look and then the two she devils appear.

"Did you seethat?" Ashley is pointing with her mouth wide open. Amber is wide eyed and shocked.

"Disgusting!" A voice rings out.

"Hot!" A senior boy smirks from the table next to us.

I take it back! I want to take it back! Why did I kiss her? Why couldn't I have waited? Where is my heaven now?

"Do you have a problem?" Lily asks nonchalantly.

"Uh yeah! You guys just freakin' kissed!" Amber bellows loudly, gathering more interest from passing students. Lily is the first to stand. I follow her example and get up as well, but almost tripping as I swing my leg out from the bench.

We take our trays and throw everything away. The school still ogles us. Lily turns to Amber and Ashley. I can't hear anything but my heart pounding.

"Are you going to answer?" Ashley shouts, eyes narrowing at us.

My throat is burning. My palms are sweating. Amber and Ashley stand tall next to me and Lily. I feel my insides clutching together. I've never been this struck, no words can express. Students passing by have stopped and begun to whisper and point. Oh kill me now. Eyes pierce into me (from the front, back and side, everywhere!).

I close my eyes, maybe I'm dreaming… but then I feel Lily's hand take mine. I become alert and pop my eyes open wide. She is smiling at me.

"So what." Lily says strongly. "Who cares what Miley and I are. Why does it matter that we are two girls?"

I have never felt so high.

"It's morally wrong!" A freshman boy speaks up from his group of friends.

"Who says?" Snarls Lily swinging around.

"The Bible!"

"God!"

Lily's grip on my hand tightens to a bone crunching state. I swallow and gag at my dry throat. "It shouldn't matter!" A voice rings out. Both Lily and I see Oliver pushing his way through the crowd. We smile as he takes a stand next to us.

"Why do you two have to be so cruel?" I ask glaring down at Amber and Ashley. "Why is it any concern of yours who I'm in love with?"

No one speaks. (_Judge not, what you don't understand. What you can't understand._)

Amber snorts. "This is ridiculous."

Ashley smirks. "Totally. I mean Lily I can understand that, but Miley?"

"Well it's not like she had a mother around to teach her right from wrong in that department." Amber laughs.

_SMACK! _(Contact between a fist and a face.)

It's not like it is in the movies. In reality it all goes by so fast. I didn't get a second to pull Lily back. With her blood boiling and temper flaring she ran right up to Amber and punched her good and hard in the face.

Down on the ground and too shocked for words Amber just holds a hand over her eye and gapes. Ashley runs to her aide. But Lily stands, face red. "You don't _ever _speak to her like that _again_!" Lily screams. "Don't even _look _at her!"

Like wildfire student's voices ring out into the grasslands of our school.

"Did you see it?"

"Right in the face!"

"She deserved it!"

"Those lesbians are crazy!"

"Call the principal!"

Too much, too much chatter, mindless meaningless conversations. "Miley!" My hazy cloud of confusion fades as Lily holds me close. "Miley, are you okay? I'm sorry."

"Miss Truscott and Stewart! Follow me!"

A fat teacher, Mr. Borrows, drags Lily away from me. I walk behind not knowing what to think. Will we be suspended? Lily looks infuriated as we are escorted in the office. She sits, arms crossed tightly across her chest and slouching slightly in the stiff chair. I sit up straight, head feeling dizzy.

Our principal, Charles Frost, is a slim man with dark eyes and gray hair. His thin lips turn down in a slight frown as he clasps his long fingers together. Mr. Burrows grunts that he will see to Ashley and Amber and then leaves us, alone. Mr. Frost flattens his navy blue tie and then stares at Lily.

"Miss. Truscott, would you care explaining why you felt the sudden urge to use violence as the answer to a disagreement with a fellow classmate?"

The back of my neck feels prickly. I scratch it and dart my eyes to Lily who crosses her legs and glares back with great intensity to Mr. Frost. "She had no right to speak to Miley that way."

"So why is it you sitting here, seconds from being suspended, and not Miley?" He asks leaning in, eyes turning an unpleasant black.

Lily gathers her pride and sits up. "No one has the right to speak to _my _girlfriend that way, and get away with it."

Before Mr. Frost can answer the office door opens quickly. "Ah… Mrs. Fredrick!" Mr. Frost exclaims bitterly.

"Charles." Mrs. Fredrick says, a hint of a smirk teasing her lips and lighting her green eyes.

"I knew somehow you were involved in this scandal." He sneers opening a file drawer and pulling out a cream colored file.

"She didn't do anything!" I say suddenly.

Mr. Frost turns to me and sighs. "Miss. Stewart, you have no need to stay, this matter concerns you not."

I look at Lily and she nods. "Go Miley."

I clench my fists together and swallow hard while shaking my head. "No. I'm in this. It's partly my fault. The punishment Lily receives is mine as well." I say, sounding stronger then I feel. Lily smiles and takes my hand.

"Enough!" Shouts Mr. Frost. "There will be no displays of affection in my school of your kind."

Mrs. Fredrick snorts. "Please Principal Frost; you can't be insinuating that these young girls have committed some sort of crime?"

"I believe punching a fellow student is indeed a crime… Jane." Mr. Frost smiles an ugly smile. A silent battle of dark and green eyes erupts between the two adult. Mrs. Fredrick never blinks. Mr. Frost clears his throat and turns the attention back to us.

"Now Miss. Truscott, you as of this moment are suspended from school grounds. Arrangements will be made for you to leave. I do not tolerate your kind of behavior." He jots down a quick note in the file and then closes it.

"Now wait a moment! What is the punishment for Miss. McGregor?" Mrs. Fredrick asks sternly walking closer to where Mr. Frost is seated.

"What should Ashley be punished for?" Mr. Frost glares standing up.

"For humiliating and verbally abusing a student!" Mrs. Fredrick reports, her voice hitching up just a little higher then her usual calm nature of speaking.

Mr. Frost's face twists up in a cruel smug grin. The look in his eyes makes me shudder. I've never gotten to known our Principal very well after all these years but I've always noticed a certain coldness to his presences. A particular icy chill that makes you stop dead in your tracks. Students don't mess around when Mr. Frost enters the room. Suddenly its winter, you make any sudden movements and you're stricken with the "frostbite."

"Oh Mrs. Fredrick, this is the reason why I brought you to my office." He pauses here dramatically. Lily and I share a quick confused look before Mr. Frost continues. "I thought maybe the girls would like to hear your side of this life choice."

Mrs. Fredrick's jaw tightens the muscles in her back arch and her eyes are burning pure hatred. Note to self: Never cross Mrs. Fredrick, because if looks could kill Mr. Frost would be dead and buried. (But maybe his skin would melt off first.)

Her hands form fists. I can see it, the battle ranging on inside of her. I don't understand what is happening, but I know he has crossed the line. I do the only thing I can, sit quietly and wait for it all to end.

"You… you have no right to talk to me about this." Mrs. Fredrick's voice is quivering slightly.

"I beg to differ, Janey."

"Don't call me that."

He smirks, it's a winning smile, he knows how to push her buttons. I know there is so much more to these people before me. I know that Lily and I are only catching the surface of their burning hatred. (This loathing runs deeper.)

"Mrs. Fredrick I can do as I please. Now take these girls away. They will both be suspended for fighting and flaunting inappropriate themes to the student body." His words sound final. Lily and I stand only to be knocked back to our seats as Mrs. Fredrick lets her rage loose.

"Inappropriate themes?!" She seethes. "Did you even see the whole fight? These girls have commented no foul crime. Although, yes Miss. Truscott should have kept her anger in check, but you have not heard both sides! You, Mr. Frost, are an incompetent pig! I will not stand by and watch you discriminate against student's sexuality!"

"Silence! End of discussion!" He barks eyes ablaze. But Mrs. Fredrick is set on her decision, she won't back down I can feel it. Lily is wide eyed as am I. We should speak up, we should direct the conversation away from this building tension but we can't it's a crash waiting. And I have a feeling there's going to be flames.

"No! Not 'end of discussion.' You can't push this aside!"

"No more! I won't hear it!"

"Oh what else is new?!" She spits sourly. "Charles won't listen!"

"Stop it! Stop it; you of all people do not have the right to speak to me in this manner. I can do what I like!" Mr. Frost yells pointing a long spider like finger at her.

Mrs. Fredrick lets out a loud sigh, her face is flushed a dark red. Her eyes are steaming. "I will not tolerate this." She declares.

Mr. Frost just smiles a haunting grin. "Oh but you must, Janey."

"I believe I told you _not _to refer to me as that." She hisses.

"Did I hit a nerve? Have I finally gotten to you? After all these years it would be a pleasure to know I've finally cracked the cold distant Mrs. Fredrick, to know that I got under your skin. Is this your weak spot? Is it _Janey, _isn't that what she called you?"

"You are a monster." She whispers. "A monster to bring her up."

"And you are a hypocrite! You took _everything_! Everything that was supposed to be mine!" Mr. Frost shouts.

Mrs. Fredrick, wasting no time, slams her hand on his desk. "She didn't love you!"

_CRASH_!

It's happened, it's there, they have collided together with the truth, whatever it meant that Mrs. Fredrick referred too, it's done.

Tension twists like a knife in the back. A painful expression is bleeding across Mrs. Fredrick's and Mr. Frost's face.

"I think you better leave… Girls…" Mr. Frost shifts the discussion back to us. His face is blank now. "Girls… you will be given a new punishment. Now the three of you get out." Mrs. Fredrick whips around on her heel and storms off, her long blue dress and shawl trailing on after her.

Lily and I race out of the office, still dazed and confused as to what we just witnessed. Is it true? My mind is an open dam flooded with new questions. Lily looks at me. "What the hell just happened?"

I shrug. Time will tell.

……

**Author's Note: **Well… there's that. More is to come. And the funny part? In my first draft of the story there was no Mrs. Fredrick, honestly her story is only a minor section of the plot as a whole. Things to look forward too: Lots of angst, a little fluff, and answered questions. Leave your thoughts.


	11. Empathy

**Author's Note: **I'm happy to hear everyone's approval of Mrs. Fredrick, don't worry all your questions will be answered soon.

_**RAVargy: **_Yes, you were dead on; I just didn't want to say anything till I got that last chapter out. I'm so happy to see you're making connections between the older characters with the younger ones.

**Inspired by Music: **Missy Higgins- The Special Two. Damien Rice- 9 Crimes. Missy Higgins- Warm Whispers. (Personally I like music when I'm writing or reading. So if you're like me, then that's what I was humming too.)

…

I'm not here. I'm back home, in Tennessee. I'm sitting by the window watching the autumn leaves fall with my mother's arms wrapped tightly around me. She smells like the fresh cookies we've been baking. The house is warm. A car passes by. A leaf falls. I'm not here. I'm not here…

"Miley?"

My mind rushes to the now. My mind re-plays in a swift forward motion everything that's happened. Is it possible to crush under some kind of invisible pressure? Because I feel something pushing down on me, a strange weight slowly pulling me in deeper. But then I focus and see her standing next to me. She's holding out her hand.

I take it, and she pulls me up, up from my wallowing hole. "Are you okay?" She asks.

I nod and collect my thoughts then meet her blue stare. "Yeah Lily, I think so. I'm just glad you aren't suspended."

She smiles. "I'm glad _you're _not suspended. What were you thinking?" She laughs.

"I was thinking that if you go down, I go down too. You jump I jump Jack." I say seriously pulling her closer.

Lily rolls her eyes. "There you go again, saying something perfect."

"Kiss me." I say softly.

"We're already in enough trouble…" Lily says her brow knitting together.

"Which is why it shouldn't matter, kiss me?" This time I'm questioning it. I want to kiss her, here in the empty school hallway, to prove that it doesn't matter. To prove that I love her, even in the light.

She obeys with smiling lips. I can taste her raspberry water that she drank at lunch. I can smell her perfume.

"Girls."

We pull apart, but slowly this time. It's Mrs. Fredrick she is tapping her foot and glaring at us. "I just defended you. The least you two can do is stay off one another, so Principal Frost won't rethink his suspension idea."

Her voice is still very tight from her argument. But Lily, oddly, just smiles and giggles a little to herself. "Now," Mrs. Fredrick continues, "I would like to formally apologize for the scene that I and Mr. Frost displayed while in his office. It wasn't right for either of us to expose ourselves to you in that manner."

"It's fine," I say, "But are we going to get an explanation? I mean what was that?"

"You should have socked him." Lily mutters under her breath. I jab her in the ribs with my elbow. "Ouch!" She yelps and I quickly whisper a 'sorry.'

Mrs. Fredrick rubs her temples tiredly. "It's a rather long story."

"We've got all three periods!" Lily chirps in happily. (Doing anything to miss the rest of the day.)

Mrs. Fredrick looks at Lily with her green eyes and smiles. It's not her usually half Mona Lisa like smile, but a true smile. It lights up her face, I try and imagine her back when she was younger. I've seen an old photograph of her, one in color. She had long red hair. For a spilt second I can see her as a teenager. And then it's gone.

"You remind me of an old friend." She whispers.

"Molly?" I ask timidly. "The girl from the picture?"

Mrs. Fredrick looks over at me with remorse. She breathes out heavily, but nods. "Was she…" Lily begins scratching her ear nervously. "Was she… your girlfriend?"

"I believe that is more then enough questions for today." Mrs. Fredrick replies quickly. "The heart, girls, can only take so much."

It's now, as we watch Mrs. Fredrick flee in the opposite direction, that I know her heart is as deep as the ocean, and we have only just begun to uncover it.

"I'm totally transferring to art!" Lily says as we walk to sixth period. I can't help by crack a small smile, we intertwine hands again. Ready or not here we come.

The rest of the school played out darkly. A few kids in the hallways would snicker or point. Old friends, girls in particular, seemed to flee from me as if I had the Black Plague. They probably think my disease is gayness, and if they stick around it might just catch them. Idiots, Lily said they were she told me (with her adorable eye roll) that it will blow over. I hope she's right.

"Miley Stewart!"

I close the door and turn to face my dad. He is standing up by the living room couch.

"I received a call today from school saying you got into a fight? What's going on with you?"

I don't feel like explaining. In all honesty I feel completely drained. "Lily punched Ashley… we sort of… came out to the school today and no one took it well." I sit on the couch and sigh heavily. What is going with me? What's happening to my life?

"Oh Miles…" His face softens and he seats himself next to me. I let him embrace me and I like the contact. Just knowing he cares, he accepts me, it helps. "I'm sorry bud. You and Lily shouldn't have to deal with that. But you know? It'll all blow over soon, okay?"

I laugh and hug him tighter. "Lily said the same thing to me today."

"Well she's a smart girl."

We smile. He kisses my cheek and all over again I'm five years old. I like knowing that I will always be his little girl. He is my comfort.

"Thanks daddy." I whisper.

Lying down on the couch I have a silent battle within myself. To call or not to call, that is the question. I daggle the phone by its cord, my cell phone is still in my bag and the kitchen one was closer.

Lily and I never confirmed if we were still on for the movie night. So, here I sit with a bowl of popcorn and the video already set in the VCR. I should call her. But then again maybe she's still digesting what happened today. No, I should call we should be together wallowing the days events. No, no, _no_, just let Lily be. Oh, why is this so _hard_? I mean I'm Hannah freakin' Montana nothing scares me!

I pick up the phone and start dialing. Please don't let her mom answer, please, please don't let her mom ans-

_Ding Dong_

Hanging up quickly and throwing the phone down I race to the door. Lily is standing, smiling brightly, and holding up two chocolate bars. She walks in bouncing lightly as she drops her purse and settles on the couch. "I'm so ready for movie night!" She says, still beaming up at me.

"I wasn't sure if you were coming." I say breathing out.

"Please, and miss spending time with you? Get real!" Lily laughs grabbing my hand and pulling me down on the couch. She wraps an arm around me and I snuggle into her shoulder.

"What are we watching?"

I smile and push play with the remote. The VCR makes a tight squeak before the scene comes alive, in black in white. "Psycho!" I tell her.

"Alright! I love Alfred Hitchcock!" She cheers. "Pass the popcorn and let the shower scene begin! Hey did you know they used chocolate sauce for the blood?"

"Are you serious?" I giggle as the beginning credits start and the music fills the dimly lit living room.

"Yeah! Cool huh?" Lily kisses my cheek and we embrace tighter. "Scary movies aren't so bad as long as you have someone to hold." She whispers in my ear. I shiver with the feeling of her lips so close and warm next to my skin.

"Oh man!" I shriek as Norman Bates comes charging down the stairs and stabs Detective Milton Arbogast in the back.

"It gets me every time!" Lily shudders hiding her face in my neck. We hide our faces from the screen with one of the couch pillows.

"Is it over yet?" I whisper.

"Not sure, you check." Lily smiles.

"No you." I grin.

"No _you_." Lily giggles pulling the pillow away from me. I sigh and she puts the pillow back down and kisses me on the lips.

"Is that okay?" She whispers huskily as we part. "I mean can we do that here? With your dad and brother home?"

"I don't care." I say hastily pulling her face to mine. Somewhere behind the sound of Lily's long ragged breaths I can hear the movie's music playing. The credits roll. Lily giggles against my mouth. I take the time to watch her in this light. Her skin is glowing. Her hair is twisted in a French braid. I rest my hand on her hip. We are seated both Indian style on my couch. I want to be closer. There is so much more of Lily's skin that I want to explore.

She takes my hand and examines it. She runs her finer across the lines on my palms. It tickles and I bite on my lip to keep from laughing. She runs her fingers over mine and I smile. She is warm and soft. She runs her whole hand up my arm and settles on my neck. She strokes my cheek with her thumb.

"You're so beautiful." She whispers, her fingertips lightly dancing over my lips now. I'm under her spell. Our eyes lock together. My body is tingling everywhere that she has touched. I don't know what to say. I should say that she is beautiful too, because she is. Or maybe I should say that I love her, so much, too much.

I decide on a kiss. I lean in wrapping my shivering body around her. My lips land on her crinkled nose as she laughs. Lily falls back into the couch and I lay on top of her. She loosely ties her arms around my waist. Perfect.

"Perfect." I tell her.

The kitchen clock chimes. "Oh! What time is it?" Lily asks quickly pushing us up.

"Almost ten." I yawn playing with the strands of her hair that are falling down.

"Shoot!" Lily hisses standing up and searching for her shoes. "I need to go."

"I thought your curfew was eleven for a school night?" I frown sliding my feet off the couch.

"It was… until we started dating." Lily smirks.

I roll my eyes, and then the thought hits me. "How'd your mom take the news about us almost being suspended?"

"Badly." Lily groans. "She's still trying to understand it. She and Mr. Frost are going to have a meeting."

"I'm just surprised she let you come out tonight." I laugh fixing my bun.

"Yeah… I sort of maybe snuck out." Lily says hastily putting on her coat.

"Lily!" I shout. "Your mom already hates me now! She's never going to accept us if you sneak out of the house!" I stand up and meet eyes with a smiling Lily.

She gives me her puppy dog eyes. "But it was movie night." She replies in a baby voice. I sigh angrily.

"Lily, we need to…"

"To what? Come on Miley, I want to be with you, my mom will get over it."

"Fine. Just don't make it a habit." I say giving her hands a squeeze. She smiles an open mouth smile showing me her white teeth. She kisses my fingertips and nods.

"I promise, only my best behavior."

Reluctantly, I let her go. I always like to watch her get into the car and pull away. I always like to know she is safe. Through the curtains I can see her waving from inside Pinkerton. I shuffle a laugh and wave back. The night is over.

Slowly, I pick up the popcorn and drinks. Those go into the sink. Next, I rewind the video and place is neatly in its plastic case. Faintly I can hear my dad strumming on his guitar, a nightly ritual he does right before bed. I hear Jackson typing on his laptop; hopefully he's finishing that biology report.

I fix the pillows. A new feeling creeps up inside of me now. I miss her. Stupid, that's so stupid, she was just here. I sat there hugging and kissing her, but I miss her. I close my eyes and try to think of something else. But there she is, in my head, in my dreams. A small smile teases my lips. I wonder if she misses me too. I wonder if she thinks of me.

"You're early."

She always scares me. I nod and quickly place my bag down. Music is playing loudly over the computer speakers. It's sad, melancholy and makes my heart sink. Mrs. Fredrick turns her speakers down and turns her attention to me.

"What was that?" I ask pointing to the computer.

"Yo Yo Ma's Lady Caliph: Nocturne." She replies sighing and shoving a few papers into a small folder. "You do realize Miss. Stewart that it is only roughly seven o'clock in the morning?"

"Well considering I drove here, yes." I laugh.

"Fine, what do you want? I'm a busy woman."

"I want the truth. I want to know why you are like this and why Mr. Frost hates… people like us."

Mrs. Fredrick stands still. She grabs a wet paintbrush and wipes it off with a paper towel. Did she not hear? I wait. She doesn't look at me. "I would have thought Miss. Truscott would be here with you."

"Well I thought… I thought you were more comfortable with me because I thought we were…"

"Friends?" Mrs. Fredrick snorts. "You assume that you and I are friends?"

"Some what." I say shrugging. Judging from her scowl and shaking head I'd say I was very wrong.

"Fine, maybe not friends, but I thought you trusted me that you enjoyed talking with me. Now if you would explain some things to me."

"Like what?"

"Who is she? This girl, the one in the photos and paintings?" I sit up on my desk and wait.

"Her name is Molly Goldberg." Mrs. Fredrick says after a moment. She sits down and scratches a place behind her ear. "Mr. Frost, Charles, Molly, and I were very good friends in high school."

She pauses. I hold my breath, there's something about someone telling you their life story that is so thrilling. "And Mr. Frost fell in love with Molly, right?" I say, gaining a little confidence to ask.

"He did." Mrs. Fredrick smiles smugly. "But he was too late. Molly and I got together during our senior year. After that we had a bad fall out and after graduation we never saw Charles again. Molly was devastated; she and Charles went farther back."

"Tell me about her." I ask, I don't want to push her too far but I also have to know. I want to understand Mrs. Fredrick.

"She was… beautiful." Mrs. Fredrick trails off and then searches through her bags and pulls out another wrinkled picture. "I sometimes carry pictures of us around. Here's one of her in 1980."

I take the picture and almost drop my jaw. It's a much closer picture of Molly. Long black raven hair, almond shaped eyes in the lightest shade of blue they look almost gray. She's sitting on a porch swing looking very serious with her lips set in a thin line.

"Why do you carry her picture?" I ask handing it back.

Mrs. Fredrick just shrugs. "I don't know, for inspiration on my paintings… for memories." She tucks the picture back in her bag.

"Tell me more." I beg leaning forward.

"She was lively. Molly couldn't sit still for more then a minute. She was so bright; you couldn't help but smile in her presences. We were happy; we were free sprits Molly and I. We traveled all over the world when she became a photographer. She worked for a travel magazine. She'd take pictures and I would paint. It was heaven on earth."

Somehow I know something terrible is coming. I can feel is approaching like the grime frown forming on Mrs. Fredrick's face.

"What… what happened, Mrs. Fredrick?" I whisper shyly.

"She died." With no hesitation she told me. With no pause or shaky in take of breath Mrs. Fredrick just blurted it out. Her eyes are no longer shinning, their dull, their dim. "She was diagnosed with brain cancer… and she died."

I sit back. I want to weep for Mrs. Fredrick but I know her character, she wants no pity. I feel my heart cry out and openly. I can't speak for a moment, what do you say when the love of someone's life is dead? You say nothing. You let them morn with their memories and hug them. But this is Mrs. Fredrick, so I let her morn alone.

"It's perfectly all right Miss. Stewart. There's no need to become upset." She sits up a little straighter, gathering her pride that has shattered.

"Did you ever… did you ever find someone else?"

"No." Mrs. Fredrick replies sharply and fiercely. "When you find that person, Miss. Stewart, everyone else simply comes second. When you let your heart open to that one person… it only happens once. I'm just happy to have known such joy."

"So why are you _here_?" I ask gesturing to the classroom, the school. "Don't you feel… caged?"

Mrs. Fredrick smiles sadly. "Sometimes, but Mr. Frost wasn't always the principal here. A man by the name of Harold Hues was once a good friend of mine in college and when he become principal he offered me this job after Molly died. I took it because well… I had nothing left; you have to understand my position. I was a penniless artist. Molly was gone and I had no money. I wasn't the most pleasant person in those days… if you can imagine." She smirks here.

"So you took the job." I shrug.

"Yes, and then Harold was promoted to the school board and Charles was appointed principal, he wasn't very happy when Harold forbid Charles to fire me."

"But why don't you leave now?" I insist.

"I like it here. Mr. Frost is a pain and I dislike his greatly but I have so many memories here. Miss. Stewart I attended this high school."

"Really?!" I reply.

She nods. "Sure it's been re-done over the years but I believe my initials are still carved into the wooden bench outside of this art department. After I began working here, I truly loved teaching. And I've finally found stability in my life. I'm as happy as a person in my shoes can be."

"You are a remarkable person Mrs. Fredrick." I tell her with all my utmost sincerity. She just grins and brushes my comment off with a wave of her hand.

"No need to flatter me Miss. Stewart you already have an A." She jokes and I can't help but laugh a little. "How are you doing?"

Her question surprises me. I open my mouth but nothing comes out, how am I? "I'm tired." I say after a quick second. "I just wish I was done with high school, away from everyone here, away from their judgment."

"Very understandable." She admits to me. "But in time the students and teachers will come around. It scares them, you know, the change. Normally women don't come out as being lesbians till their forties. It's rare that young girls admit it to anyone, even themselves. But you and Miss. Truscott, I'm proud of the both of you. Don't give up, don't give in Miss. Stewart."

With this said she stands up gracefully and swoops past me and into her small supply closet. Just as she is about to close the door she turns on her heel and stares at me. "I'm glad we talked. I'm glad to have a… friend."

The door closes.

I can't help the smile that leaps up onto my face as I gather my things together and walk down the hall. My mood isn't broken even as a group of sophomore girls scatter as I walk past them. My mood is still in perfect shape as I past a few wolf whistling seniors (men are pigs.)

At the end of the hallway there is a light, there is Lily smiling. She's holding my books and as soon as I'm in listening distance she starts rambling about Pinkerton, gas, work, school projects. I hum softly as I sit through my classes. I'll tell Lily about Mrs. Fredrick later, when we have more privacy.

"This way." I say waving Lily over. The school day has ended (Oliver wasn't here today.) Lily comes trailing behind me. We're standing next to the art department a little ways away from the rest of the school and the court yard. There's a small wooden bench seated in the mist of a small patch of flowers.

Thanks to our gardening club we have a small tree area. The bench is between two growing oak trees, still very small but in the years to come they will be very great and loom over the school. It's a beautiful area, but I hardly come this way. It's separate from the rest of the school grounds. Suddenly I feel like Mary Lennox from Frances Hodgson Burnett's novel _The Secret Garden_. I understand the healing powers that nature holds.

I sit on the bench and smile Lily follows me and sits close to me. The day is overcast and a little chilled, but when spring arrives this will be the most attractive and colorful area.

"I found it!" Lily says breaking me from my thoughts. She's pointing to a small place on the edge of the bench close to her knee. We get up and examine it. It's a little faded now, but there it is: _J.F – M.G '78_, carved deeply into the wood. I smile and trace my fingers over it.

They were here. I wonder if Molly sat where I had. It's strange knowing that Mrs. Fredrick and Molly were here so long ago, back when they were young, free and in love. It's sad thinking that they had no idea what was to come. I try and picture them, laughing and teasing each other as they placed their mark on the world, on this wood.

I see Mrs. Fredrick, long red hair, and happy, her green eyes shinning with joy.

I see the beautiful Molly smiling as she pierces the wood with her initials.

"It's sweet," Lily smiles, running her index finger over the letters, "I think it's sweet."

"It is."

"Hold on." Lily says getting up from her kneeled position. She runs off and into the art department door. She comes back, a moment later, holding one of the small pocket knives the wood shop students have. "Let's make history." She smirks sliding the knife out.

Lily bends down and begins carving. I watch her sitting on the other side of the bench. She has her tongue sticking out as she slowly and carefully makes our love known. "Tada!" Lily cheers closing the knife.

On the opposite side of where Mrs. Fredrick and Molly have their names is: _M.S + L.T '09_. I roll my eyes. "We just copied them." I say laughing.

"So what?" Lily huffs standing and brushing off her jeans. "It was a good idea." She leans over and kisses my cheek.

"I love you." I tell her softly. The corners of her mouth lift up and she smiles brightly.

"Glad to hear it other wise me telling you that I love you too would sound so ridiculous."

We share a laugh and then I decide we better get going. "Come to my house." Lily begs as we walk to our cars.

"What?" I say fumbling with my keys.

"Yes, please come, just for a little while." She gives me her sad eyes and I realize that I can't refuse.

Lily and I are laid out on her floor playing a fun game called our future. Because homework is a boring and tedious task we're leaving it be for the minute. "Okay." I smile sitting up a little and getting comfortable with one of her couch pillows. "After high school I'm taking you around the world."

"What?!" Lily shouts, her eyes widening. "We can't do that?"

"Who says?!" I smirk holding my head up a little higher. "I'm pop sensation Hannah Montana and you're my girlfriend, we can do whatever we want."

"I don't want you paying for everything. I'd feel like… I just wouldn't feel right." Lily sighs, picking at a loose thread of a pillow.

"Well, I'd be going too. And I'd be with you! Believe me; I'm getting so much out of this plan." I slide over to her and place my hand affectionately on her knee.

Lily just stares down. "Haven't you already been everywhere with touring and all."

I pick up her chin with my finger and make her look at me. "But not with you…" I add softly. "Just picture it! You and I lounging at a corner café sipping coffee out of those small round mugs. And us shopping in Paris, going to shows! We could take off a year before going to college. And then when we come back home we'll be well rounded and cultured blowing our professors away with all our worldly knowledge, doesn't that sound exciting?"

Lily smiles and leans back, resting into the front of the couch. "It sounds amazing."

"It's settled then, start saving up for a passport Miss. Truscott because we're seeing it all! Just you and I." I smile snuggling up against her arm.

Lily lays her chin on my head. "So what about after college?"

"We'll have our degrees."

"And then?"

I stop and stare off at Lily's living room pictures. There's one of Monet's Water Lilies, and the one of the trees I'm not sure what it's called. "Well… I suppose we'll have to get real jobs, unfortunately we got go off gallivanting forever."

"Too bad…" Lily laughs in my hair. "So, what are you going to be, do? …Don't you sometimes hate that question? I feel like… like people are stealing my childhood when they ask me about the future. It seems that they are so concerned about getting us through school, college, careers that they forget about the now. About life and just… being." I hug Lily tighter.

My heart is warmed over her confession. I feel so… inspired and full of something I don't even know. Being with a girl is so tender. When I dated boys it took all my time and energy to get them to open up like that. But with Lily, it's just there, she's my best friend. I _know_ her. I have a deep connection with her that runs further and wider then just physical appeal. She's like my umbrella on a rainy day… or maybe my rubber boots. Lily once said she loved red rubber boots; she had a pair when she was younger.

"Anyway," Lily blushes pulling away from me a little, "I still would like to know what you want to do, with your life."

"I want to…" What do I want? God, that's such a weighted question. What could I possibly see myself doing? "I want something with music. I know Hannah won't last forever so maybe… maybe I'll open my own recording studio. Maybe I'll find kids who don't have a lot of money but have the talent, I'll help them. Get them going, you know?"

"That sounds good for you." Lily assures me.

"I know you hate this question," I smirk, "But what about you?"

Lily sits and spaces out. She's in deep thought, biting her bottom lip. "I'm going to write." She says boldly. "I want to be a writer. I don't care how long it takes or how many people put me down, I'm going to do it."

"And I'll be there, supporting you all the way." I state firmly holding her hand.

"Will you?" She asks her voice timid.

I put my other hand on top of our intertwined ones. "You can count on it."

"How do you know everything?" Lily smiles.

"Oh, haven't you heard? I'm totally physic." I pretend, acting serious.

"Really?" Lily smirks raising her eyebrows.

"I have the long fingernails and crazy gypsy's clothes to prove it." I laugh swiping a strand of my hair out of my eyes.

"Ooh, sounds hot." Lily jokes kissing me softly on the cheek.

Hot?

It's funny; Lily's called me beautiful, but not hot. Hot belongs in a completely different category then beautiful. Hot is jumbled up with sexy and all the other degraded words people use on women. Hot reminds me of… sex. Isn't that a funny word? My mind has also made two different categories for sex and love making too. Sex is slang and unpleasant to use. But love making is romantic and less vulgar.

What about me and Lily? Will we ever… do that? I've never really thought about it. Am I ready for that? Are we ready, together as a couple? Probably not, slow works, besides what's the rush? I'm becoming flustered over this. I feel my face heating up. I can't believe I'm thinking about making love to Lily. I mean how does my mind go from gypsy clothes to… well sex?

"You okay?"

I jump at her voice. "Yeah! I mean I'm cool."

"You and your daydreams…" Lily giggles.

I hear the door open. We turn around and see Mr. Truscott walking in and taking off his coat. "Hello girls." He smiles merrily.

He kisses Lily's head and nods happily to me. I like Mr. Truscott, so open minded and apparently happy for the both of us. "How are you two doing?"

Lily shrugs at his question. "School is always hard for us." She informs her dad with a frown.

"Well high school kids can be brutal. But I know that you two are above their judgment right Lily?" He laughs pretending to glare at her. "No more fights."

"No promises." She grins.

"Violence is never the answer." Mr. Truscott tells us while biting into an apple.

"I'm home!" Mrs. Truscott's voice can be heard from the back door. "The store was crazy today! I almost got beat up by an elderly lady for taking the last of the turkeys." She kisses her husband on the cheek and then spots me and Lily sitting; quiet intimately, on the floor together. "Oh." She tries her best to hide her disappointment, but I catch it.

"I should go." I announce stumbling up from Lily's embrace and grabbing my things quickly.

"Miley!" Lily begs sadly.

I shake my head. "It's okay, I should go."

As I'm walking out the front door someone closes it behind them. Expecting Lily I turn around and smile, only to have it fall as I meet Mrs. Truscott's eyes.

"Can we talk?" She asks.

My first impulse is to shout 'No!' and run off, but I stay, I want to hear her excuses for treating us this way.

"I want to apologize… for acting like I have."

Okay, off to a good start.

"But I just can't accept it."

Ooh, bad, so very bad. "Why not?" I strike back bitterly. "Don't you see what you're doing to Lily? Don't you love her?"

"Of course I do!" Mrs. Truscott pleas pitifully. "But can't you understand where I'm coming from? Everything that I have been taught to be morally wrong Lily is doing. It's so hard to be torn between my religion, my _faith _and my daughter."

"It shouldn't be a hard choice!" I bite back.

"Are you a religious girl, Miley?"

I think I've been to church five times in my life, maybe a few more. But after my mom's death my dad couldn't go back and neither could I. Maybe I'm lost, like people said; maybe I haven't seen the light in religion, but a God who condemns his people to hell for simply _loving _another human being is no God for me.

"It shouldn't matter." I say gaining my confidence. "Love is love, why are you against mine and Lily's happiness?"

"I want to be okay with it. I want to _so _badly. But it just keeps pulling me back. I'm scared for you, for my little girl."

Oh, I get it now. Fear is dragging her down. I look at Mrs. Truscott. Her eyes look dead, so tired, there are lines under them. I remember she use to look so lively and joyous, now guilt and fear have eaten her up. My anger dies slowly like a once raging fire. I'm discriminating against her just like she did to me.

I never even gave Mrs. Truscott the time or patience to understand where she's coming from. I disagree with her rules but, I have to realize that she grew up differently then me. She found out her only child was gay by walking in on us kissing. I actually got to sit down and speak calmly with my dad, Lily didn't get that, Mrs. Truscott didn't get that. And I wonder do we still have a chance? Is there a way that I can make this better?

Maybe

The word whispers in my mind.

Maybe.

…

**Author's Note: **So, a lot happened in this chapter. Don't worry there's still interesting things to look forward too: Mr. Frost's side of the story, Oliver and Mrs. Truscott. If you are still on bad terms with her, hopefully she will grow on you. Also, I hope you are not growing tired, and or bored with my little story. I'm always nervous about putting out a new chapter. Thank-you for reading. Leave your thoughts.


	12. Hands

**Inspiring Music: **Storm- Lifehouse. Autumn Leaves- Diana Krall.

**Author's Note: **I don't know about any of you other writers, but I find "fluff" between the characters very difficult to write. I want to make it cute but not too cute to where you just want to throw up, if that makes any sense at all. So, if anyone has any tips, share. Oh yeah, you my fine readers are still wonderful, _**but I think I love the readers who actually review a little better**_ (there's your hint).

_**Farah A: **_I wish you would have elaborated on the sentence that (slightly) annoyed you. Because I want to know what you personally think. The older women that I have met while working at the library mostly say that they were scared to come out until they were much older. (How I got these women to talk to me, well that's another story all together.) But, I don't know maybe you have another insight, I want to hear it! Please… I'm all ears.

And if anyone else sees something that is incorrect about the gay community or maybe something else, tell me and explain why, because I want to know. Thanks.

Lastly, I promise, there are more "Lily" poems in this chapter. I know I'm a terrible poet; you don't have to tell me. So during your read, just try and pretend it's your favorite poem. Or, what's better, ignore it all together. The reason I have Lily doing this is because it is a sweet gesture. Alright I'll shut-up.

…

I lean my face directly under the shower head and let the hot water beat down on my skin. My arms hang like dead weight from my shoulders. I need this. The air becomes clouded with steam. It fills my lungs and makes it hard to breathe, makes it hard to concentrate on anything but the sound of the water pelting the walls and floor of the shower.

With my eyes still closed I grab the soap and slowly run it across my arms, legs, and stomach. I can feel my body changing. I'm shedding my old worn skin for a new kind. It hurts a little, changing, morphing into a new person. My views are hazing along with my thoughts.

But only when she is close, when she stands next to me but not quite touching my body shifts. My skin grows hot. And I feel a change stir deep within me. It's not like before. This is different and I can't quite put my finger on what it is exactly.

I turn the knob and the shower ceases. I push the white curtain back and grab a yellow towel. The cool air that lifts from the air vent hits me and I shiver still wet with warm water trickling down my back. The water makes a humorous slurping noise as it dwindles in a spiral down the drain. I stand, my wet feet making contact with the cold bathroom tile.

My hair is wet and makes puddles around me on the floor. I try running my fingers through it with one hand as my other holds up the fluffy yellow towel, but my fingers become trapped in it's tangled mess. Groaning I grab a green comb and try taming the beast.

Getting nowhere I realize I must use both hands. One holding my hair and the other must aggressively plow through it. Without thinking I do this, and my towel falls to the wet floor. Oh. I see myself in the mirror. I don't like looking at myself in mirror naked. Usually I blush and turn away quickly slipping into my clothes.

But, today I look. It's my body, why should I be embarrassed? I'm attractive, right? I tilt my head to the side and bite my lower lip. I shaved my legs before I got into the shower, so they are still smooth. I touch them and smile, no razor burn or cuts. I pick up my comb and try my hair again. This change, could it mean I'm ready?

As I blow dry my damp curls I consider it further. I would be lying if I said I hadn't thought about it, because I have. Sometimes when she's kissing me, or touching my hand, I think about it. (The big it.) The scary move teenagers make that can turn them from children to adults. Once the dirty deed is done there's no going back. After your innocence has been striped away you are in the adult world of being sexual active.

But would it really be like that with Lily?

I picture her laughing at something I said. I see her dancing with me at my Hannah parties. No, with Lily it would be something else all together. With Lily it would be making love, not sex. When you're with someone you love I imagine it to be less dirty. Less about the physical pleasures and more about feeling connected with that someone. Your someone.

I apply my lip gloss and quickly scan my outfit, no wrinkles, it matches, looks cute… okay done. As I'm skipping down the stairs with my bag it hits me, would Lily like this outfit? Does she think about sex? Or am I some disgusting horny teenager? I really need to talk to her. You know what this outfit is stupid and these shoes are too tight. I'm going to go change and find something that-

"Hey Miley! I'm taking you to school today, okay?"

"I-"

"Great!"

Before I can wave goodbye to my dad or snag a piece of toast Lily has dragged me outside. I climb into Pinkerton and fumble with the radio as Lily tries starting up Pinkerton. "Please start… please start." She hisses to the pink bug as she turns the key. A loud purr escapes the vehicle and Lily gives a cheer of victory.

She's driving and I'm growing frustrated with her radio. Why is it that they never play any good music in the morning? Giving up I settle on a random station. We're cruising with the windows down. I don't care that my hair with be a frizzy mess by the time we reach school. I don't care that the back of my shirt will be wrinkled from sitting in Lily's car.

I let my hand take to the waves of the wind moving up and down with every gust. Lily can be a reckless driver at times. She doesn't believe in waiting and moving at a snail's pace. She wants to gain speed and keep going. Sometimes I dream of getting in my car and just keep driving straight until I hit something.

"Hey why are you in such a hurry?" I ask Lily as we make a sharp turn down Franklin Drive. My mouth drops as I watch Lily go speeding past the front of the school missing our turn in for the parking lot. "LILY!" I shout causing her to jump and Pinkerton to jerk to the side. "You do realize you just passed school?"

"Cool it and yes I do." Lily smiles wickedly as she settles back into her driving.

"Are you nuts? Have you suffered from any traumatic blows to the head lately? I mean we have a history test today! And… and school! We have school!" I shout already past freak out mode and straight into complete overdrive.

"Miley, please calm down." Lily says as we pull into a small café, I've seen it before on my way to the mall but I've never been inside. She unbuckles and turns to me smiling brightly. "We're taking the day off. I've decided that we need one day to be free from the judgmental eyes of the public; away from the girl population that shuns us and far from the pigs in boy clothing… oh and I'm buying you breakfast."

Satisfied with her monolog she waits for my answer. Maybe Lily's right; I think we have been pretty tolerable of other's behavior (minus Lily punching Ashley in the face). I just need one day, one day completely devoted to spending time with Lily.

"Okay." I answer feeling my sprits lift just watching her happily opening the door and leading me to the café.

"Table for two non-smoking, please." Lily tells the hostess and the young woman leads us to a booth. It smells like freshly grounded coffee beans in here. The atmosphere is very indie, very poetic. I spot a few paintings of jazz musicians on the dark brown colored walls.

A man wearing sunglasses is reading the paper. A woman is doing the crossword puzzle. The faint clinking of plates, cups, and silverware can be heard. Jazz music is on softly sounding very bluesy, raspy.

I slide into the dark red colored booth and smile at Lily who is across from me. "This is great." I say.

"I'm glad you-"

"Lillian Truscott!"

She whips her head around and we both see a tall scrawny man with a mustache running up to us wearing kaki pants and a white collared shirt with the selves rolled up. He gets to our table and leans against Lily's side of the booth, practically towering over her. My insides flare up. He shouldn't be that close.

"I'm so glad I found you!" He breaths out heavily to Lily. "You _so_ need to come to the reading tonight. I've got people asking about you, they want to know where you are."

Lily sinks down in her seat and a grime frown is present on her pretty red lips. What is going on? Why is it that wherever we go Lily has some kind of history that I never knew about? I just wish she was open with me about her friends, past and present.

"I've just been really busy." Lily says lamely.

The mustache man peers over at me and smiles a toothy grin. "I can see that. May I ask who this divine creature is?" He asks gesturing at me.

"I'm Miley, Lily's girlfriend." I answer shoving my hand in his face and emphasizing girlfriend, hoping he gets the picture. Lily gives me a small smirk. He shakes my hand dentally and just keeps smiling.

"Ooh a southern gal, the pleasure is all mine, Miss. Miley." The mustache man says bowing slightly. "Lillian," He chuckles turning back to her. "It's about time."

With this said he nods at us and walks away leaving me completely confused and Lily blushing. "You were jealous." She snickers.

"Was not." I snap. "I don't get jealous."

"Oh, okay." Lily snorts sarcastically flipping through her menu.

"I don't." I protest. "But please explain what just happened."

"That was Todd and don't worry he's… well he's gay. I know his boyfriend Allen, Todd just likes flirting with girls sometimes, it's weird. I know him because… you see that stage over there." She stops and points over to the corner.

You can hardly call it a stage. It's a small semi circle set up a few inches higher then the rest of the floor. A small black stool and microphone take up the space and I think I see a light fixture up above it to use as a spot light.

"A few months back I came here and read my poetry. It was for this poetry night thing. Todd hosts it."

"Why didn't you tell me?" I'm hurt. Why would she hide this?

"Because this was the first place I kind of 'come out' too. And everyone here was perfectly fine about me being… different."

"Hello, I'm your girlfriend, I'm pretty sure I would have been accepting." I sigh fiddling with my napkin.

"It was long before we got together. And even if we were dating I wouldn't… I wouldn't want you to hear me." She whispers bashfully playing with the silverware.

"Why not?" I ask lightly rubbing her arm gently with my hand.

"Because my poems, their about…"

"Yes." I urge her. "What were your poems about?"

"You."

It's funny, but as soon as I think I've fallen completely for her she goes off and does something else that's magical and perfect. No one has ever done that. I don't care if they are the worst poems in the world, she wrote them for _me_.

"You amaze me."

Lily just rolls her eyes. "I suppose I'm just whipped."

"Probably." I giggle leaning in closer. Lily takes my hint and we meet somewhere in the middle of the table. My nose brushes against hers. She shuffles a laugh and I feel her warm breath on my face. I'm less then inches from her lips.

"Can we go to the reading tonight?" I whisper against her cheek.

"Huh?" Lily mumbles reaching for my lips with hers.

"Take me to the poetry reading…"

"I'm not sharing." Lily replies sternly. I can't see her face but I imagine her eyes growing dark. If she's uncomfortable then fine, but maybe I can persuade her later.

"That's alright." I say trailing my finger down her earlobe. Lily makes a strange noise, a cross between a moan and a whimper, I think it's cute. I finally close the distance and press my lips to hers.

"Uh would you ladies like to order?" A thick New York accent asks.

Pulling away we sat back in our seats blushing fiercely. The waitress, Sue as her name tag reads, smiles nervously at us as we order, obvious embarrassed about interrupting. We end up ordering a large plate of pancakes to share. Sue walks off scribbling it down in her notebook and I shyly grin at Lily.

"You know, we have to stop doing that." I smile running my fingers through my hair.

"What? Kissing? Sorry but I kinda like kissing you Miles…" Lily says a wry grin teasing her lips.

"No!" I say while shaking my head. "Kissing is great. Just the making out while people are trying to talk to us… or take our orders."

"You call that making out?" Lily replies smugly tracing lazy shapes around my hand.

"Well, I mean… we were…" Why does she make me so flustered? I can feel my cheeks heating up.

"You're adorable." Lily remarks tenderly as she kisses my knuckles and once again that change, that fire courses through my veins.

"We should see a movie!" Lily suggests bouncing slightly in her seat from the sugar rush of the syrup.

I groan as I push the empty plate away from me. Where does Lily get all that energy? I'm so full I could possibly burst. I never want to look at food again. Honestly though, I could go home right now and take a long cat nap. Oh yes, a nap sounds heavenly especially with Lily there to cuddle with.

She'd be so warm so secure to sleep next too. Our arms draped lazily around each other, my head nuzzled to the middle of her neck and her hand rubbing up and down on my back. I'd whisper something romantic and Lily would kiss my cheek. And then we'd drift into a dreamful world of slumber. Yes, that sounds about right.

Later, after we pay the bill and wash our sticky hands clean, here we are sitting on a bench outside reading the paper. Lily is digitally searching for a good movie as I curl up closer to her and breathe in the marvelous scent that is Lily. I detect the faintest use of lavender perfume on her neck. I huddle closer and press my nose and lips to her smooth skin.

"What are you doing?" Lily giggles steering her attention away from the paper and to me.

"Just taking you all in." I murmur into her flesh.

"It tickles." She says. "But I like it."

We share one of _our looks_ as I like to title it. Because Lily sometimes isn't the most vocal person. Sure, she's loud and rambunctious but when it comes to our relationship or love in general she becomes shy. I like to let my love for her to be known. I will tell her in times like this, snuggled close and safe. But Lily, she gives me this look in particular; her eyes are so deep and full with emotion.

And with that, I know. I know without a doubt in my mind that she feels the same. Because words fail us. Actions are louder, looks, eyes and smiles are more deafening then the loudest cry. Once I tried to define our love. What is it? …It's a comfortable passion. It's the way our hands work, they don't fit. What does that mean anyway? Your hands can't "fit" in another. Because all hands "fit" together in one way or another.

But mine and Lily's hands they intertwine, they become tangled with fingers and palms. On lazy afternoons in bed as we hold hands I sometimes glance down and swear it's just one hand. And that's what it is all about, finding my other half. With Lily my heart and mind work as one. They both warm to her, there's no confusion or contest. It's Lily, it'll always be Lily.

I watch as the sun peek's its head from out of the clouds. I see patches of blue forming from gray. Lily bravely places her hand on my thigh. We watch the cars pass and the world move on without us. Because when you are here, in this perfect place you become completely out of step with the world.

Under the cover of the dark cool movie theater atmosphere I let my hand rest on Lily's knee. She smiles up at me and then replaces her head on my shoulder. The screen flashes quick pictures of up coming movies and I zone out rubbing soft circles on her knee. We had just enough money to get into the show, so no candy or salty treats. But I'm content. It's not crowed here today.

There's an elderly couple whispering back and forth up front. Lily pointed them out to me when we sat down. She says her favorite part about going to the movies is seeing other people's reactions to the film, to the music. She says there's just something exciting and all together thrilling about experiencing the same thing with others. You can connect with strangers if only for two hours.

"You smell good," Lily huskily breaths in my shoulder, "Like honey… and vanilla."

"Shh!" I tease her leaning our foreheads together. "Watch the movie."

"Sure, okay mom." Lily jokes with an eye roll. As soon as my attention gears back to the movie, I can feel her watching me. I can see, out of the corner of my eye, her body turned ever so slightly towards me.

I tilt my head towards her and look at her through my curtain of hair that's fallen in front. Lily bites her lower lip and smiles before placing her hand on my arm and coming close to me. "You know, I've never made out in a movie theater before." She says.

"Well then," I begin while putting my arm around her shoulders, "We'll just have to fix that, now won't we?"

Without a reply Lily takes my lips with hers. Her hand slides down to my hip and I grip her back and try to bring us closer, but the armrest is in the way. Grunting from frustration I try to sit up a little straighter in an attempt to lessen the pain that is the armrest jabbing into my stomach.

"Forget about it." Lily says hastily, referring to the obstacle in our path of self discovery, before aggressively taking my lips back. It's moments like these that I realize if I ever was still confused about my sexuality this would defiantly clear it all up. Kissing Lily has to be the most exhilarating experience. She just knows what I want. In the beginning there was fumbling and uncertainty but now, in our lull of happiness there's just this understanding.

As I'm fiercely gripping her lower back, not quiet at her bottom, Lily places one hand behind my head and another somewhere… else. She's gentle and shy about this move. At first I didn't realize, I thought it was just me accidentally bumping my breast on her shoulder but then her hand sat lightly on top and I knew.

"I'm sorry… I'm… If you don't want me too I wo-"

I stop her with a quick kiss and then shake my head. "It's perfectly fine." I assure her and she nods grinning a little. We stop and find our position from earlier, her head on my shoulder and my hand on her knee. Part of me wants to laugh at how strange this day is going. First, breakfast at a café where our waitress was humiliated as she watched us kiss, and second, me getting felt up in a small movie theater. It's rather humorous.

"I'll pick you up around six, okay?" Lily tells me as she stops Pinkerton in my driveway. I wasn't nervous till now. What if the school called my house and told my dad I wasn't there? I've never ditched school before, but part of me doesn't care. That side of me is kissing Lily now and telling her I can't wait till tonight.

I drop my bag on the floor and spot Jackson sitting in the kitchen with his girlfriend of four months, Gwen. They are laughing as Jackson tosses the salad I'm guessing is for dinner. I nervously stride over to them.

"Oh, hey Miley." Gwen greets while playfully punching Jackson as he shakes his head.

"Hi Gwen." I say stiffly sitting down. "Jackson where's dad?"

"He's up stairs, I think, he'll be down in a minute could you set the table?" He asks me turning to the oven and checking on his roast beef. I grab four plates and Gwen takes to the glasses.

"You alright?" She whispers to me as we set the items down. Her hazel eyes shin with a worry.

"I'm fine, just tired." I answer softly. Maybe no one knows! Wow. All that worry for nothing. I can hear my dad jogging down the stairs.

"Smells good son!" He smiles cheerfully. "Hey Miles!" He gives me a hug and we sit down to dinner. I let go of the breath that I was holding and dig into the salad.

Gwen has become almost a regular around the house for dinner. She's the first girl Jackson has brought home. He got together with her a few weeks after Lily and I established our relationship. What's best is that she's not half bad, I already approve. Gwen's majoring in marine biology; she's a smart cookie, organized and pretty much has everything planned out. Why she's dating Jackson, I'll never know. I smile to myself as I take a drink of my water.

Jackson's talking about his day, now, entertaining us with impressions of his professors and classmates. Gwen almost chokes on her sprite from laughing so hard, and that's when I see it. As my brother pats her back gently and reaches for a napkin across the table to hand her, I realize, love comes in different packages. Humor works for them.

"So Miles, you got anything special planned for the weekend?"

Oh yeah, it's Friday.

My dad, along with the rest of the table waits for my reply. "Actually, Lily and I are planning on going to a poetry reading."

"Fun!" Gwen says. "Why don't we do that Jackson?" She giggles nudging his side.

Jackson simply rolls his eyes and takes another bite of the roast. My dad wipes his mouth and smiles at me. "That sounds like fun, just don't be home late, okay?"

I nod and gather my plate and glass together before rinsing it off in the sink. Waiting for Lily is where my worst flaw bleeds through, I'm incredibly impatient. I can't sit still. I pace around the foray and into the living and then to the kitchen. I check my watch again for the millionth time. Still only 5:55 p.m.

As I fix my skirt I see headlights stream through the window and the sound of car tires on my driveway. "DAD! SHE'S HERE!" I yell up the stairs before dashing out of the house and sprinting to the car, my high heels clicking and hair trailing behind.

"I would have come to the door." Lily informs me with a laugh as I buckle up.

"I'm just excited." I say as she drives us away.

The smell has changed; as soon as I walk through the doors the strong scent of smoke hits me. Lily escorts us to a table more off to the side away from the gruff men and women who dangle cigarettes from their thin lips. On stage a young woman dressed in navy blue recites her poem.

The café is much gloomier then I remember from this morning. The lights are off and only the small stage light shines. Our table is round letting Lily and I sit closer together, hands clasped tightly around each others. I take in the atmosphere of poetry night.

Waiters and waitresses walk with quiet feet handing out small coffees. I hear a chuckle from an older man in back. He smiles at the girl on stage and when she finishes the room is filled with light snaps of everyone's fingers, I giggle at this and Lily catches me, she rolls her eyes but laughs along.

Todd leaps onto the stage "Once again that was Janette Collins." He smiles into the microphone. "Now, which one of you cool cats is next?" He scans the crowd by holding up his hand to see over the blinding stage light.

A tall man stands and makes his way to the stage. The audience gives an encouraging snap. Todd bows out gracefully and we sit back and listen as the taller man speaks. His voice is very deep, rich. His eyes close as he whispers his words to us.

"What do you think?" Lily asks me quietly.

I take another look around at all the entranced faces. "I love it." I say kissing her. Lily's face brightens.

"Good." She mouths before placing her head on my shoulder.

"So…" I say after the man finishes and the snapping begins again. "Are you going to… to go up there?"

Lily lifts her head and stares at me. "I thought we talked about this?"

"I know." I blush ducking my head slightly. "But, I just… I want to see you up there, sharing your poetry."

"I get too nervous. My palms start to sweat and… and I'll be a mess especially because you're here." Lily admits tracing her fingers along my cheek. "So just enjoy this."

"You know… if you went up there you could always just picture me in my underwear to help." I tease her lightly.

Lily groans and leans her forehead against mine. "Now that would make it worse."

"Who's next?" Todd asks scanning for faces again. "Oh, look who is here ladies and gents. Miss. Lillian Truscott, if you would, please share with us?"

I feel Lily's body tense as she's cuddle next to me. I swear I can hear her cursing Todd as she looks up and over to me with a pleading glance.

"Oh, come now Lillian, don't be bashful. You weren't last time." Todd teases, the men and women laugh softly.

"Kill me now." Lily hisses to herself. "Uh, Todd, not tonight." Lily says a littler louder. A few people try to coax Lily on stage. They pester her with a sad 'please.' Finally getting up she earns a strong pat on the back from Todd as she walks into the spotlight. I happily settle in my seat, this will be exciting.

Lily clears her throat. "Well I… uh…" Nervously she looks around the café, until she finds my face. We share _our look_ and then she breaths in deeply and…

"_Sunflower girl_

_-light follows you home_

_No storm ever lasts too long _

_with your radiating glow_

_with your song_

_-filling me whole._"

Her eyes open and they pierce into me with their deep ocean blue color. The poem wasn't as long as the others. Nor, as violent, her words flouted over the listeners captivating our ears into a peaceful lull. It wasn't so much as her words that grabbed us, the humble listeners, but the pleasant way her mouth moved, the way her voice dropped into a husky purr. I swallow- my mouth is dry.

Lily's head drops and she quickly steps off the stage and to our seat as the snapping begins. Todd thanks Lily and we move on. When she sits next to me I take her hand and kiss her fingertips slowly.

"It stunk didn't it?" She cringes, pulling from me. "I wrote that poem the other day… but…"

"It was wonderful." I assure her with another hand kiss. "I loved it."

"I'm glad… sunflower girl." She adds playfully. My heart melts and I know, I've fallen in, in so deep for Miss. Lillian Truscott.

…

**Author's Note:** Leave your thoughts…


	13. Pulse

**Author's Note: **Warning- I will most likely place this under 'M' for the later mature content. So start looking in that section for my story. Thank-you. The reviews were beyond amazing, I don't deserve your praise.

**Music: **All Over Me- from the movie _Loving Annabelle_. Warm Whispers- Missy Higgins.

_**Farah A: **_I'm glad we got that worked out and I do agree with you, now that I think about it. I feel a little silly, actually. I'm happy to see you're still enjoying the story.

_**xTexasgalx: **_… Holy shit (excuse my French) but oh my god. You are making me blush. I was blown away, really. I'm so, so (_so_) ecstatic to hear that you love my story. And also I'm glad to see that you enjoyed the movie theater scene, I wasn't too sure how I wanted that to go, but from the looks of it it came out well. And yes I am always concerned on the progression of their relationship. Sometimes I think I'm going to fast and other times I feel that it is too slow. Your review makes me uncontrollably giddy every time I read it.

_**hpfreak2008: **_I'm so happy to hear you think this story is realistic; it's what I'm mainly striving for (other then pleasing my readers, of course.) I'm glad you took notice of Miley's mixed feelings of sex. I wanted it get it across as something no one should be ashamed of and I also wanted to write it in a way that wasn't "gross" to some readers. Thanks.

_**oh one: **_If you have read my other story _Here's the Thing _you'll learn that I love detail in books and my own stories, I think it gives so much more. So I'm extremely giddy to know that you like it as well. Also I wanted the pace of the story to be slow; I didn't want to rush anything, so thanks for understanding. I know I haven't been keeping the characters in… well character I tend to drift a little, but it brightens my day knowing that you can look past it and truly enjoy the story. I won't give anything away so you'll just have to keep reading to know what happens with Lily and Oliver. Great review I really appreciate it.

……

"Come in."

My request hangs in the air of Lily's car. The engine is rumbling and her keys are jingling against the neck of the steering wheel. It's late and I smell of smoke from the café. But I want her. I want her to stay.

Lily turns off the car and switches the headlights off. Even in the dark, I know she's smiling. We both step out of the car. I dig quickly through my purse and pull out my keys. I lead her inside. The house is very dark; I'm home a little past my curfew. Jackson's car is gone; he's most likely out with Gwen. I don't hear my dad's guitar I know he's asleep.

Lily stands off to the side, her hands clasped together. She is nervously chewing the inside of her cheek.

"I should call my parents; let them know I'm staying." Lily says quickly grabbing her cell phone and dialing. "Hi mom." Lily sighs into the phone. "No I'm fine… I'm with Miley… no… yes… you said you would try, please, just- Okay… hey dad. I know she's trying. Thank-you." Lily smiles into the phone. "I love you too."

She hangs up looking slightly peeved but also anxious.

"Do want something to drink?" I ask trying to peel the pressure from her.

"No."

"Food?"

"No… could I use your shower?"

I nod. "Sure, I'll be up in a minute." I try giving an encouraging smile but Lily simply bounds up the stairs like a scared deer. What is up with her? Okay, okay, okay… I try breathing a little slower. What exactly do I want to happen tonight? Does Lily think I want to… oh no. Just as I'm about to run after her, I stop. Do I want to go to that level? I blush deeply even considering it.

Yes.

_Yes_.

I walk up the stairs slowly with a new sense of being. I pass my dad's closed door, I can hear him snoring. I step into my dimly lit room and shut the door. I can hear Lily taking her shower. I don't want to scare her. Maybe once she's showered everything will make more sense.

I sit on my bed and I wait. The shower head stops. I can hear the curtain pulling pulled back. I smile, my insides jump.

"Miley?"

I leap up at her voice. "Yes!"

"Do you have anything that I can barrow for tonight?" She shyly asks through the now cracked door.

I pull out a pair of pajama shorts and camisole. Her hand appears from out of the door. I hand them over and she quietly thanks me before shutting the door. I gather my own clothes to change into and wait again.

She walks out of the bathroom combing her hair. I brush past her and into the bathroom; maybe once I'm showered things will make sense to me. There's a towel lying over the sink. Her clothes are folded in a small pile. I grin as I slowly strip and test the water- ah nice and warm.

After showering, brushing my teeth, and attempting to calm the jungle that is my hair I walk out and find Lily nervously biting her nails and sitting on the edge of my bed. She doesn't see me. She's in her own world. I like it when she wears my clothes. A lot more of her skin is showing through that navy camisole.

I take a moment, before calling out to her, to gather myself. Sort through my mind. But Lily sees me before I can fully contain my thoughts.

"Oh, hey didn't see you there." Lily smiles weakly.

"Are you okay? You don't have to stay." I inform her with a defeated sigh.

"I want to… it's just…"

"What?" I say flinging my arms out. "You look uncomfortable and unhappy. Have I done something wrong?"

"God no!" Lily jumps up and walks over swiftly to me. "You have done nothing, in fact your making it harder to… to…"

"What?" I whisper.

"Breathe." Lily says meeting my eyes and giving a timid glance. I put my hand on her upper arm and rub it up and down slowly.

"Just relax. I'm your friend remember? Why are you getting so worked up?"

"I could ask you the same question." Lily replies with her endless wit and placing her hand on mine.

My breath hitching up and gets caught in my throat. She notices my sudden lack of oxygen and smiles wickedly. Before she can say or do anything first I kiss her. It's slow. My lips press lightly on hers. I'm not looking for much. Lily places her hand on my back and pulls me closer. Our bodies come in contact.

As a reflex my hands go right around her neck and she wraps herself around my waist. This is good, just a kiss goodnight, nice and slow. Her hair is still a little damp. She smells like my raspberry shampoo. We break apart and I can't tear my eyes away from her chest as she breathes in and out just a littler faster then normal.

"Miley?"

"Lily?"

Where is this going? How do we start? Do I just blurt it out?

"What are you thinking?" Lily asks diving in first with her arms now draped over my shoulders.

"I'm having trouble getting myself together." I admit truthfully.

"Me too." Lily nods her eyes quickly dart to my bed and then back to me. Is she… does she… what does that look mean? I've never seen her eyes so clouded with an emotion so strong. Is this crazy?

"M-Miley…" She trails off unable to complete her sentence. I want to read her mind. I want to know just what she wants from me.

"Let's sit." I pull her to the bed. I sit up one leg under me and another hanging off the edge of the bed. Lily is sitting in an Indian style, waiting (but for what? For _what_?) I bit my lip and twist my hands together. I look at my feet; my toenails are painted a light pink tonight. Maybe if I focus in on my painted toes this tension will leave, this worried expression will vanish from my face.

Lily's hand finds its way to my upper thigh, nearing another place all together. I can't move, I can't function. Lily leans in and takes my face between her hands. Before I know what is happening she is kissing me, and I like it, this new way she's holding me, cradling me.

I don't realize I'm being gently laid down on my bed until my back sinks into the soft comforter. My sheets are a little rumpled a little wrinkled. Lily's hands find new parts of me. She's placed one respectfully on my breast and another stroking my cheek. I run my hands down her back slowly pulling the camisole up.

My fingers touch the bare skin of her back. She is silk, I dig my fingernails in a little deeper as Lily pushes down on my chest with hers, and I love the contact, the pressure. Lily gasps slightly as my hands roughly scan her back a second time. And then she pulls back.

"Miley… I…" She sits up and I along with her. She stares intently at me for a moment before continuing. "We don't have to do this, we can wait. I mean… I'm not looking to push you into anything…"

A shake my head silencing her. "I want too. Do you?"

"Yes." Lily answers her eyes darkening with the same emotion from earlier, I now realize that look is desire. "But I'm…"

"Scared? Nervous?" I grin shyly taking her hand.

Lily nods and holds my hand tightly. "Very nervous… but I love you, so much and I want this to be special and… just about you and me."

"I agree." I smile at her as Lily looks to me grinning from ear to ear. So now what? Feeling my palms start to sweat I slowly begin to rise the end up my shirt up. But, I stop, my face heats up. I can't do this.

"It's okay." Lily coaxes me while placing one hand on my leg and another on my cheek. "Here." She leans me back into the bed. I feel more comfortable lying down. "Can I… can I…?" She trails off gesturing to my clothes.

I fill my lungs with a deep breath and then I nod quickly. I shut my eyes as Lily's fingers start to pull my shirt up. I feel my face burning as my upper body is completely exposed. I hear Lily mumble something to herself. I open my eyes, she is staring at me.

"What?" I whisper.

"You're beautiful…" Lily gasps kissing my collar bone. I shudder, but my face is still afire.

"I want… I want to see you." I say boldly. Lily raises her arms and I sit up a little and grasp the bottom of the camisole before pulling it up and over her head. We toss our shirts onto the floor. I lay back down and Lily straddles me. We smile shyly and her hand trails down my side to my pajama pants.

"Are you okay with this?" She asks meaning her removing the rest of my clothes.

I feel confident. "Yes." It's a lot slower then when she took off my top. I raise my hips so she can take them off fully. Before she can strip me off my underwear I remove her shorts, by leaning in and gently pulling them down.

Lastly, the underwear, since my hands are already on her hips I help her slide out of hers. In return she carefully peels mine from me. We both lay completely nude and embarrassed. Finally Lily pushes our bodies together as she kisses me. Her skin is hot and her tongue burns inside my mouth. Teeth, tongues, nails, arms and legs, we cocoon ourselves together.

My hips rock, unbeknownst to me, against hers earning me a muffled moan from Lily. I blush; she's never made a noise quite like that before. And then, Lily puts a small amount of space between us. "Do you trust me?" She asks, her hair hanging over me and her hands resting on my hips.

"Yes." I reply strongly, because I do, I trust her with my life.

I move to get situated Lily pauses, I feel her hovering just above the once place no one has ever kissed or touched. It's awkward at first. Lily is nervous and just as tense as I' am, but it's strange and a little uncomfortable. She's pressing inside and my mind hazes. My back digs down into the bed and my mouth hangs slightly ajar.

I blink a few times; I feel the tears lining my eyes. But I want this; I need this because she means the world to me. I want to feel connected to her in a way I've never been. There is pain, but it's a different kind. I think I'm perfectly content with this feeling. But just as I'm growing accustomed to this, it changes.

There is pleasure now. I open my eyes fully and search for Lily's. She is hovering just above me. She's trying not to crush me, but I want us to collide. I take my hands, that earlier were wrapped around the sheets, and place them on her back to bring her in. She grunts softly as we come in.

We are whispering gibberish. Nothing that pours from either of our mouths makes sense. Our languages tonight are moans and sighs of comfort. I'm holding onto her as if she would fade away. I'm pressing myself into her skin, to mold and become apart of her.

We begin to slow. I feel her heart hammering on my chest. She is breathing rapidly and unevenly, much like my own. She rests her head on my shoulder.

"I love you." I breathe out.

I feel her nod into me. "I… I love you too."

We trace out each other's faces. My index finger runs a soft line down her nose to her lips. She rubs my chin and strokes my cheek.

"Do you trust me?" I ask her the same way she did me.

Lily smiles and nods, "Yes." Her voice is thick and still husky. I take my cue and we roll over. I take my place above her and she settles into the bed. I'm not sure I know what to do. I know I want to make her feel as good as she made me feel. So, I go with my instinct that rumbles inside of me.

I repeat many of her actions. Slowly at first, I take in the sound of her voice whimpering deep in her throat. As I continue to move inside of her I nuzzle my face against her neck. I want to worship her body, this porcelain holy ground that makes me break as I hear her whisper my name.

I mouth her name against her cheek. Her hair is spread out on the pillows as mine hangs off my shoulder and tickles her nose. I want to tell her just how much I adore her but no words come out, I only moan softly. She pulls me in for a kiss as I begin to steady our shaking bodies. We stop together at the same time. We embrace and try to regain our breath.

As I roll over onto the other side of the bed Lily pushes the hair out of her eyes and then fixes mine tenderly. We hold hands and stay lying down; both of our eyes start to grow heavy. Lily and I nestle together and breathe in and out acting like one body, one heart beating and I know that this is where I always want to be- this close, this connected- I always want her to feel like home…

I can hear the rain padding against my window. I feel a solid warmth wrapped around me. Her hair is tossed over my shoulder and down my neck. I feel her lips on my back. I smile, still with closed eyes. I don't want to move just yet.

"It's early." I mumble my voice thick with sleep.

"I know." Lily says into my back, her lips still grazing over my hot skin. "But I couldn't resist."

I turn over slowly, the sheets hiss as I move to face her. "Last night…" I trail off, I have to know.

"Last night was perfect." Lily assures me with a gentle kiss on my knuckles. "I feel so close to you." She's holding my cheek now. I place my hand on her shoulder and rub her collar bone tenderly.

"I know exactly what you mean." I smile. Lily leans in but I pull back sharply. "Sorry, morning breath." I say shielding my mouth. "Mine's the worst."

"I don't care." She replies sternly pulling my hand back and planting a deep kiss on my lips. We separate; my body relaxes in her arms as I play with her hands, self consciously drawing our initials in them.

"I have to leave soon."

"No, don't go." I beg letting go of her hands and frowning. "It's still early, stay and have breakfast. I'll cook and then we'll spend the day lounging around."

Lily sighs and closes her eyes. "That would be heavenly and it's so tempting…"

"But?" I say rolling my eyes as she opens hers and stares at me.

"But I can't, you know that. My mom will probably drag me away if I'm not home soon. I want her to trust us."

I know I shouldn't be like this. But I want her to stay, we've just uncovered the new level of our relationship and she's being taken from me all too soon. I don't mind being selfish if it means Lily gets to spend her time here, lying with naked skin pressed against me.

"… Fine." I mutter after a moment in my thoughts. "But I'm not happy."

Lily smiles and strokes my hair. "You're never happy unless you're getting your way. I should start calling you princess." She teases.

I stick out my tongue and shake my head. Lily laughs a throaty laugh and kisses my shoulder. "I'll see you this weekend, that's a promise. I can't bear to be away from you for too long… now that we've… now that we have this new connection." Lily confesses softly rubbing my arm.

"Okay." Is my reply, but I'm not moving first.

Lily keeps smiling until she realizes I'm dead set on my mission to keep her here. "Miley…" She breaths out annoyed. I have my arms wrapped around her, not letting go.

"Lily…" I say mocking her slightly. Seeing her "serious" face I groan and let go. She gathers the sheets around her and starts looking for her clothes. (I could get use to spending my mornings this way.)

This isn't working. It's been exactly twenty minutes since she's left, and I can't bear to move or do anything productive. I've showered, but slipped into a comfy t-shirt and shorts. The television isn't a good distraction. The radio just plays love songs over and over.

…I don't feel any different. I thought maybe after going to that place with Lily I would have this distinct change about myself. But I feel mostly the same, except for this joy lingering in my system (in my heart.) Is what being in love feels like? I'm on a cloud. I can't really understand what else is going on.

What is this war and tragedy you speak of? I only know peace and harmony. Love, love I can't stop thinking about it. I can't stop smiling. This is what she does to me. If this is all a great dream, do not wake me…

"Why didn't you call?"

Lily looks to the ground and tightens her grasp on her backpack. "I'm so sorry Miley, but my mom was on my case all weekend. She thinks we're spending too much time together. I tried reasoning with her but; well you know how she is."

Lily looks genuinely apologetic. I know I shouldn't be so clingy and needy but, I want her with me. I feel fuller and lighter all at the same time when Lily touches me or smiles at me.

"It's okay, besides I had time to finish that Chemistry paper so it's fine." I assure her as her faces drops.

"Oh no! My Chemistry paper!" Lily shouts frantically trying to find it in her locker.

I pat her on the back. "Tough luck Truscott." I joke.

"Hey guys."

It's weird but it feels like I don't know Oliver anymore. It's like I've been living on this whole other universe dedicated to worshipping Lily and he's all the way across the galaxy.

"Hey Oliver." I wave as he makes a confused look to Lily, who is now having a minor panic attack as she digs through her folders looking for her paper. "Lily lost her homework."

"Not lost! Simply misplaced." Lily corrects me with a stern shake of her index finger.

Oliver hides a smile with his hand and I roll my eyes.

"You need to get organized." I tell her.

"Well maybe you can help me. Is there a tutoring class after school?" She giggles leaning over to me.

"Yes, and its late hours, you'll have to spend lots of time with me." I add in a flirting manner. We are about to kiss when I hear a group of girls cough. I start to pull back but Lily takes my arm and brings me in.

The kiss is short but lingers on my lips as she rocks back on her heels smiling proudly. Oliver is staring at the ground and seems extremely interested in his shoes. Lily links her arm with mine and we walk away. Oliver trudges behind and I feel a slight twinge of pain in my heart for him. He doesn't deserve this.

Lily seems to be reading my mind and steps back to link her arm with his. He smiles a litter brighter and off we go, through the halls of eternal judgment.

"How was your weekend Miss. Stewart?" Mrs. Fredrick smiles from her desk. The raw scent of freshly opened paint greets me as I sit down.

"Refreshing." I reply with my good wit finding itself. She rises an eyebrow nods.

"I suppose mine was likewise." She says gathering her supplies together and rinsing a paintbrush.

The class filters in; Bonnie saves me a warm smile. "It's good to see you, Miley especially after everything that's happened."

I nod. "Thanks Bonnie it means a lot… knowing someone is there."

She shrugs. "It's called being human."

I feel her words linger in the air as I begin spreading dark blue on my paper. My fingers loosely hold up my brush as I freely wash color over the white canvas. _Being human… being human…_I outline a body in black. What does it mean to be human?

_Caring._

_Loving._

_Warmth. _

I spread a golden yellow through out the body outline. The background is navy blue. The colors oddly match. Next I rinse my dirty brush slowly in my water dish, I contemplate the picture. What am I trying to say? What is it that my viewer's will feel? … I want them to experience a sense of wholeness. I want them to have this kind of love.

I dab my brush into the red. In the top corner of the chest I paint in a heart, it's small, it could almost go unnoticed. But it's there… In this wild world, however big and seemingly cruel there is a beating heart. A defined pulse that grows and nourishes the small part in ourselves that opens up to love.

Satisfied, I grab a paper towel and begin digging the paint out of my nails and fingers. "I like it." Her voice makes me snap to attention. Bonnie leans over to get a better view. "It's… comforting."

I smile because it's a good reaction. "Thanks… I like yours as well."

She snorts. "You don't have to lie."

"I'm not."

Bonnie has sketched out a willow tree next to a pound. She has skillfully drawn the leaves of the willow to look as though they are dancing in the gentle breeze. She's only just now adding her colors (green, blue, purple, nice and cool.)

Bonnie shyly pushes her short red bangs from her face and smiles. "Thank-you, it means a lot."

I shrug and nod before cleaning my area. The sudden knowledge that I will see Lily soon fills me with a shudder. Ever since Friday night I can't seem to concentrate on anything but her body, her skin. I quickly dash out of the art room as the bell rings. Lily is waiting, her back pressed up against the wall and flipping through a book (_A Hundred Years of Solitude_.)

"Hey." I greet cheerfully.

She looks up at me with a tender smile and takes my hand. "I missed you." She whispers stroking my palm.

"And I you." I say softly. "… Come over tonight."

"Okay."

I'm not accepting anything out of tonight. I just need to feel her close to me, preferable every inch of her skin burning into mine… but other then that, nothing. She says she can't stay late as I close the door behind her. Lily tells me she needs to pick up a few things at the store for her mom (eggs, carton of milk, and paper towels.) I offer to go with her but she waves it off and we sit down.

The couch embraces us as we smile timidly at one another. "It's weird," Lily begins, "Being around you after… the other night. It's like well I can't explain it."

I smile and run a hand up and down her leg as she sits Indian style. "Neither can I, but you're happy right? I know we haven't really talked about it yet…"

Lily holds up her hand. "I'm so happy; you wouldn't believe how giddy I've been all weekend and today. Miley, I'm so completely in love with you."

I love hearing her say it. I can't control myself; I kiss her as deeply as I can, as much as my lips can muster. I want to scream at the top of my lungs: I love you! I love you Lily Truscott!

"Pass the milk."

I push the carton across the table and Lily pours herself a second glass. I comp down on the chocolate bar that has been left in the refrigerator for only god knows how long. It's later in the afternoon the sun is just starting to set. Lily flips through one of the newer issues of my magazine.

"When's the next Hannah concert?"

I finish chewing, "Next week, I think. Will Lola make an appearance?" I giggle.

"Oh, of course! A concert wouldn't be complete without her!" Lily explains laughing.

I see a picture of Hannah; it was taken last month right before I went on stage. It occurs to me now; will Hannah ever come out to her audience?

"Lily?"

"Yeah?" She asks munching on a part of my chocolate bar.

"Do you ever think it would be wise for Hannah to come out?"

Lily sets the chocolate and magazine down and faces me by placing her hands on my knees. "I think it's your decision, but in all honesty I don't think it's anyone's business."

"But what if a reporter asks?"

Lily shrugs. "Say next question, move it along. Miley, if you want everyone to know about us then I'm perfectly fine with it. But you must realize you would be loosing lots of your listeners… but then again gaining others." Lily grins and kisses my cheek.

I nod. "Maybe I won't it's not their place to know about my private life anyway."

We nod, confirming it a done deal, a well thought out discussion.

"Why is there never anything good on TV?" I whine tossing the remote down and muting the weather channel. (Clear skies on Wednesday but change of rain on Thursday.)

Lily shrugs as her hold on my waist tightens.

"Don't know." She yawns into my side, snuggling closer. I wrap my arm are her shoulder and pull myself into her. "But this is nice."

"We're just sitting." I smirk looking down at her.

She nods. "But I'm here, I'm with you. What else do I need?"

I rest my cheek on her head and we watch as Charlie Storm, head meteorologist, reports the weekend weather. I should probably start on that history paper, finish that book for English, but with Lily embracing me so warmly, I could care less.

The sound of my dad's key twisting the lock of the door brings us out of our daze. "Hey girls." He yawns shedding his coat and placing his wallet on the table.

"Hi daddy."

"Sup Mr. S."

He walks upstairs. I feel Lily's fingers rub my side slowly and carefully. "Turn around." Lily says sitting up.

"What?" I laugh.

"Just turn around so your feet are facing me."

I do as she says placing my legs in her lap and leaning my back against the armrest. Lily pulls my socks off and smiles. "Knew it." She giggles and then begins rubbing the souls of my feet.

"Knew what?" I ask.

"You have perfect little feet." She grins putting the slightest pressure on my heel and massaging my toes. It feels heavenly, I let my hands clasp together in my own lap and my eyes close. This is the only way to end the day.

"Here, let me have your feet!" I say reaching over.

"No way! My feet are disgusting, equipped with nasty blisters from new skateboarding shoes. My old ones have a huge tear on the bottom. Sorry Miss. Miley no touching my feet." She frowns waving her hand at me.

"Come on."

"Nope."

"Please!"

"If you keep asking I'll have to take to drastic measures!" Lily threatens with an evil stare.

"… _Pleeease_." I whine.

"That's it!" Lily laughs; she takes my foot between her hands and starts tickling me. I squeal out in surprise and try pulling my feet away but her hold on me grips tighter. She's tickling me fiercely; I can't take it anymore, tears well up in my eyes as I laugh and cry out for her to stop.

"Mercy! Oh have mercy!" I giggle, my cheeks getting red and flushed. She lets go and smiles proudly.

I collapse back into the couch and sigh tiredly. "You are a cruel one Lily Truscott." She lies down next to me and kisses my cheek softly.

"What if I apologized?" She whispers into my neck. Her breath is hot and smells like chocolate from earlier.

"We'll see." I smile turning around a little to face her completely. I kiss her and I feel her smile against the kiss.

"I have to go." She sighs stroking my cheek. "But I don't want to go."

"Then don't." I say take her hand.

"I need to pick up those things for my mom. And besides, we've got school tomorrow."

"Since when did you become so responsibly?" I tease poking her nose as it crinkles. Lily leans in and kisses me quickly and pulls back with a wicked grin.

"You have that effect on me, you make me better."

I sigh and sit up along with her. I walk her to the door. We stand just outside my door. The air is sharp and cool against my bare arms. The sun has set and night has taken the day captive. The sky is a sleek black, it gives me chills. "I'll see you tomorrow okay? We'll tease Amber and Ashley by me groping you in the hallway, okay?" Lily jokes rubbing her hands up and down my arms trying to warm me.

"Alright." I sigh. "But pinky promise on the groping?" I ask in my best flirting tone.

"Oh, of course." Lily grins kissing me again before running off to her car. As she drives off she unrolls the window and shouts, "Love you!"

I wave back, "Love you too!" I reply laughing.

_10:04 p.m._

I turn the TV off and go upstairs.

_10:30 p.m._

I've finished brushing my teeth and slipping into a comfy pair of pajamas.

_11:00 p.m._

The lights are off and I drift away in a dream world, thinking of her face. I swear I can almost feel her fingers on my skin.

_3:03 a.m. _

"Miley! Miley!"

Someone is shaking me roughly. "What?" I mumble rolling over in bed. I open my clouded eyes and see my dad's horror stricken face. I bolt up in my bed.

"What? What is it?"

"Lily… there's… Miley's she's been in an accident."

**Author's Note: **… I'm not so sure about this. You tell me, was it good? The (lack of a better name) "sex scene" was supposed to be somewhat classy. I've seen so many character degrading scenes when it comes to having them take things to that level. I was shooting for embarrassing but sweet. Hopefully this chapter wasn't too painful to read. Oh and it looks like more conflicts (and _lots _of Miley angst) are being hurled our way. So, duck if you want.

Leave your thoughts. (Feel free to bash this chapter or embrace it, I don't care- reviews are bliss.)


	14. White

**Music: **Old Piano/ Just for Now - Frou Frou. The Con- Tegan and Sara. Waiting for You- Garbage (wicked song.)

…

There's always that moment, the one where you forget your name, place, and body. It's this type of shock that throws your mind into a state of uncertainty. I don't ever remember getting up and putting on clothes. I don't remember my dad leading me to the car. It's as if the moment he said _accident _we were transported to the car.

Now, I sit up with my seatbelt wrapped tightly around my waist and digging into my neck, I don't bother moving it. It's so early. The sun has yet to rise. My dad is driving over the speed limit. He's brow is knitted together, he's worried-about me, about…her.

I can't seem to focus.

Is my heart still beating?

My breath is frozen in mid air it seems. Time is standing still. But then I see flashing lights, blue and red. And there it is, where the streetlights end, there is Pinkerton. I remember the day she bought that car, so shiny and pink and new.

It's now crumbled, hanging off the side of the road. It looks like a smashed tin can. A blue car is being hauled off by a toe truck. Police are examining and talking and standing looking important. It's like someone has slapped me, I'm thrown out of my state of confusion.

She was in an accident.

She is hurt.

She was in that car! That smashed in tin!

_LILY! LILY!_

"Miley! Calm down! Miley, please!"

I don't realize I'm screaming until he places his hand on my shoulder as we enter the emergency parking lot. He stops the car now and I unbuckle and lunge myself into his arms, a crying mess.

"She'll be okay… she'll be okay." He whispers in my hair.

"How do you know? How can you know?" I whimper.

Silence. He doesn't know.

We dodge bleeding patients, angry doctors, and screaming nurses ("Get me Doctor Reed!" "Get me a number 405!") We reach the front desk. An elderly woman is filling out a file.

"We're here for a Lillian Truscott." My dad asks looking tired and sad.

The nurse stands and walks away. I'm desperately hanging on to my dad. My eyes are not dry. New batches of tears come streaming hotly down my cheeks. I can't seem to find my voice now. The nurse reappears and shakes her head.

"I'm sorry but you'll have to wait she's still with the doctors."

We are ushered to the waiting room and we sit. There are other people. A man sits one seat down from me with his head in his hands. He reeks of alcohol. His back shakes and I realize that he's crying. My dad takes my hand we wait together. I can't stop looking over at the weeping man. I shouldn't be here!

"Miley!"

Oliver comes stumbling over from the hallway I leap up and run to him. We collide in a snug embrace. I let out another cry as I hear his muffled sniffling. "Have you heard anything?" I ask brushing the tears from my cheeks away.

"No, I got here a little while before you. Her parents are this way." Oliver takes my hand and I follow him, my dad walks with us as we turn the corner.

Lily's mother has never looked so dead. Her face is pale and her lipstick is smeared. Mr. Truscott is standing off in the corner with his hands in his pockets looking down. Their eyes are both bloodshot. My dad quickly walks over and wraps an arm around them and speaks softly.

Oliver puts an arm around me and lets me rest my heavy head on his shoulder. Everything inside of me is screaming and seething. I can't stand still. I tear myself away from Oliver. I don't want to be touched or comforted. I need to… run or hide or anything.

"Mr. and Mrs. Truscott?"

Heads turn.

A doctor with long white hair tied back in a bun is standing stiffly with a folder in her hand. She looks at all of us and then to Mrs. Truscott.

I'm holding my breath.

"My name is Doctor Patricia Darcell. Your daughter Lillian was involved in a car accident as the police told you late this evening. She was hit by a drunk driver. When she was brought into the hospital at one o'clock this morning she was still conscious. Unfortunately she dropped into an unconscious state when we began running tests."

Mrs. Truscott chokes back a sob and Mr. Truscott rushes to her side and holds her tightly. My insides twist and I cringe. She was conscious… that means the entire time she was trapped in that steel cage she was awake and fully aware of everything.

I imagine Lily there, in that hell.

I wasn't there.

I couldn't help her.

"It seems that she is suffering from TIB which is traumatic brain injury. We won't know anything further until she wakes up and we can do a Neuropsychological test." Doctor Darcell reports grimly as she tucks the folder under her arm and sets her hands in her white jacket pockets.

"But… but is she going to be okay?!" I shout wrapping my arms around myself. I can't… I can't handle this.

Doctor Darcell shrugs. "Right now I really can't give you a defiant answer… I'm sorry but-"

"Doctor Darcell!" A skinny red haired nurse comes sprinting in our direction. "You're needed in room 315! It's Lillian Truscott."

Darcell darts off, running along side the nurse. The room they head to is across and down the hall from where I'm standing. I watch her open the door and begin barking out orders.

("Hold down her arm! Open the needle cap!")

Mrs. Truscott has turned herself to hide her face in her husband's neck. My dad is standing off not knowing whether to hold me or not. Oliver is pale as a ghost. My knees are shaking, my throat is dry and a lump is forming in dead center of it. The minutes tick by. I'm drowning…

My palms are sweating as Doctor Darcell comes walking back in our direction. (_Oh god, oh god, oh god_.) She stops in front of us. "I have good news. Lillian has regained consciousness."

"Can I see my baby? Please, can I see her?!" Mrs. Truscott pleas, tears still running raged down her cheeks.

Darcell holds up her hand. "I'm sorry but not yet. We have a few nurses in with her now. But I promise you will be able to see her very soon."

I have to sit down; weakly I retreat to the nearest red chair. My dad sits himself next to me and offers a small smile. I feel as though I'm being drained from the inside. All the adrenalin that was pumping through my veins has slowed. My mind is catching up with my body and I'm exhausted.

"Just rest." My dad tells me as I lean my head on his shoulder. "Just rest."

The white walls of the hospital all crumble down as I close my eyes. The bright fluorescent lights dim as my world goes black. I dream of oceans. I'm sailing the endless seas- I'm searching for her heart, her beating mind that captured me in the early hours. The dream is peaceful but bittersweet, because I'm all alone. My sailboat has no sail. I drift when the wind choose to take me.

I fight to get to her in time. If I could only see her here, in this dreamland, then we will be together even if it is just for pretend. I jump from my boat and swim in the freezing waters. I see a warming golden light. I'm so close! I can feel it! I can see her! She is not hurt; she is not wounded in the least! I'm-

"Miley?"

I feel someone's gentle hand on my shoulder. My eyes open slowly adjusting to the burning light that stings them. Oliver is standing in front of me holding two coffees.

"I thought you could use one." He says offering a steaming cup to me. The sun is up. I'm alone, sitting in this stiff red chair.

"Where is everyone?" I ask groggily.

"Downstairs having breakfast." Oliver reports taking a seat and I sip my hot coffee.

"Do we know anything yet?" I wonder aloud eager for any information.

"Their doing another test… I can't remember what it's called… something long and starting with an 'N'" Oliver shrugs sadly. "How are you holding up?"

"I'm hanging on by my fingernails, you?" I whisper.

"I think I've already fallen… Miley?" He looks so sad, so distraught. "If something happens to her… I just… I don't think I'll be able to…" He sucks in a quick breath.

"Oliver." I rest a comforting hand on his knee. "She'll be fine. It's the only thing I'm hanging onto right now. She's conscious, she's alive." I squeeze his knee as he shakes his head.

"That's not what bothers me… I know she's alive, but what if she comes out a different person?" Oliver asks his voice breaking.

I feel my chest tighten in an uncomfortable knot. "I don't know."

We sit in silence. A nurse walks by. A clock ticks. Muffled voices of tired doctors and concerned patients are heard. I hate hospitals. So cold, lifeless. I hate hospitals. So white, so draining. Lily shouldn't be in such a place. She deserves to be lounging on the beach, in the sun where the world is vibrant and colorful.

We finish drinking the blain coffee and Oliver tosses the paper cups in the trash. More waiting… more waiting. The Truscott's and my dad appear from around the corner. They sit with us. We do not speak. We just wait. We just stare. I don't feel like a person anymore. I'm just taking up space here.

"Hello again."

Doctor Darcell appears before us and I can't breathe or think or function. Everything inside my just stops.

She brushes a strand of her long hair out of her wrinkled face. "We have given your daughter a Neuropsychological test, which is basically a scan of her brain. And unfortunately we discovered your daughter has severe temporal lobe damage. This means her symptoms will vary from difficulty in recognizing faces, understanding spoken words, memory loss, and aggressive behavior." She pauses and scratches behind her ear and frowns. "We have done everything we can at this point. If you like you may see her."

All five of us begin walking behind Doctor Darcell. We reach her door and Darcell stops.

"I'm sorry but only a few people at a time, Mr. and Mrs. Truscott?" She opens the door and leads them inside. I only see a quick glimpse of the back of a nurse before the door shuts.

I walk over to where my dad and Oliver are leaning against the wall and join them. Oliver lets his shaggy brown hair cover the painful expression his eyes hold. A moment passes and the door opens. I jump up and see Darcell beckoning us in. I let my dad and Oliver walk in before me. I take a spilt second to breathe in and calm my nerves. Okay.

I walk in. The room is tidy, neat. A plump black nurse is fixing the blinds letting a few strands of light filter into the dark room. My eyes scan over the entire area; the blankets are a comforting light blue. The walls are the ever haunting white.

I look over at everything but what I want to see the most. I can't make myself look at her. I'm so scared. But as I hear her soft whimper my eyes snap to her. _Oh god_. Her face is… puffy. Lily's face has always been a pleasant round shape but here it is bruised and unnatural looking. There is a thick white bandage around her head. Her eyes are open in small slits, and heavily beaten. Her once sparkling and entrancing blue eyes are so pale and dead, rings of black and blue circle them.

I have to throw up. I have to scream. Where is that drunken bastrad?! Where is he?! I want to tear him to shreds! Her parents are sitting close to her, trying not to touch her to inflict more pain on her. Doctor Darcell calmly walks over and bends down close to Lily.

"Lillian?"

Lily moans.

"Lillian do you recognize these people?" The doctor gestures to us. "I know you're tired but you did so well with you're parents. And it is a great success that you remember them… but we need you to do this one last time."

Lily tries opening her eyes a littler wider. The doctor helps her sit up slowly. After a few cringes of her beautiful faces and slow tears rising in her eyes Lily is up and staring at us. She turns to Oliver who is humbling hanging his head and waiting with a frightening expression.

"Do you know this young man?" Darcell asks pointing to Oliver.

Lily opens her mouth; this is hard for her I know. She licks her chapped lips and struggles with her words. "Y-Yes… O-Ol…" Getting frustrated she clears her throat. "Oliver."

He looks so happy; Oliver's face lights up in the brightest smile. He rushes over to Lily and gently takes her hand.

"Lily, oh god it's so good to hear you." He whispers shakily.

Doctor Darcell smiles in satisfaction. "This is going so well. Now Lillian, do you know this young woman here?" She points to me.

She has to know me! I want to cry out- Lily! Lily I'm here, baby I'm here!

Lily squints and I watch her expression twist up in confusion. Her lips form a straight thin line. My entire body lights afire, what is going on?

Lily struggles once again for her voice. They said she would have trouble speaking, so I wait. "I…" She whispers her voice still raw and scratchy.

And then it happens. And then she says the one word that shatters my heart.

"No."

Heart wrenching.

Blood stopping.

Mind phases out.

There is a deep stabbing pain in my chest. I can't… I think I'm dying? The room is suffocating. My system is failing. I stumble back, a little. My knees buckle and I come to contact with the cold ground. Is it possible to simply collapse from a broken heart? Is it possible to dissolve into a pile of nothing because that _one person _can't remember your name?

"Miley?" My dad's voice is sharp and brings me back. He helps me up along with the nurse. "Are you okay?"

NO! NO! NO! I'm not okay!

Doctor Darcell comes walking over and places her icy hand over my forehead. "She's burning up. Nurse Collins could you escort them to the room across the hall? I would like to finish up here," She turns to me, "I'll be with you in a moment." She squeezes my arm. "It'll be okay."

I'm dragged away from Lily, her face looks so distant and lost as she looks at me with glazed eyes. She doesn't know me. I probably scared her. She doesn't know me…

Nurse Collins helps me onto the bed. "There you go honey. I'm sure you'll be alright. Would you like some water?"

I shake my head. My dad rubs my back. The nurse leaves and it's then that I burst into a fit of tears. I hang my head in shame and cover my face with my hands. I've never felt so frail, so helpless. I can't hold it in. My dad just holds me whispering soothing words into my ear. My sobs are hushed, very quiet. They are muffled from my hands.

"Oh."

I look up. Doctor Darcell is standing in the doorway. She shuts the door quickly and walks over. "Miley? Right?"

I nod and sniff loudly.

"I'm sorry about Lillian."

"Will she…" I wipe a tear away and try to compose myself. "Will she ever remember me?"

The doctor's face drops. "I don't know. Memory is a tricky subject and it can go either way. Sometimes it only lasts a week others… well other times it lasts for the remainder of someone's life."

I bite down hard on my bottom lip and nod trying my best not to cry, not to break in half. "Is there anything I can do?" I ask huskily.

"No, not really."

There's always a draining experience that comes next. After the shock, after the tears and tantrums there is a dizzy and mindless haze that centers around your body. My muscles are weak. My mouth is dry. I can't remember the drive home. I can't remember Oliver's face as my dad led me out of the hospital.

I only know what is now.

I only know the warmth of my bed that does not quite reach my bones.

I shiver.

Where are you, Lily? Why has your memory betrayed us?

I don't have the energy to cry. I don't have the energy to move out of this awkward position I've placed myself in on my bed.

"Miley?"

Jackson knocks softly as he enters my dark lair of sorrows.

"Listen Miles, I'm sorry about Lily."

"Go away, Jackson…" I sigh tiredly pulling the sheets up over my head. He obliges and then there is silence.

I close my eyes. The sheets are suffocating me; I breathe in their lavender scent and tremble. Lily was here, I remember, her naked body was spread across this comforter not one week ago. And now?

She is trapped in a cold white hospital with no memory of _everything_ that we went through. She has no idea.

My shoulder devil snarls: _I bet Mrs. Truscott is pleased! Now she'll have the perfect daughter she always wanted. No more lesbian talk. _

My shoulder angel shakes her head: _No, no Mrs. Truscott is just as upset as we are. She would never condemn her only daughter to such a fate._

When did my mind become so poetic? I throw the covers off of me and sigh sadly. Not only have I lost Lily but now my mind. I close my eyes and try to picture something else. If I keep thinking about Lily lying in that bed I'll scream.

Nothing comes…

**Author's Note: **A little short, I know but I really wanted to get another chapter out. Also, if you were wondering I left a very small (and possibly undetectable) hint that this was kind of going to happen. It was in chapter eight where Miley and Lily are looking at the paintings, if anyone cares. Well, have at it then- Leave your thoughts.


	15. Possible

_**Double clique: **_Thanks so much for the review. But, I would rather not change the structure of my story with dashes or anything. I feel that I've gone this far without them and I don't want to change the look of the story randomly like that. I promise, though, that with my story I will use some kind of divider. If it gets to unbearable then tell me and I'll think of something. Sorry for the inconvenience. Oh and the "Mrs." In Mrs. Fredrick is a little goof I made on accident, sorry again.

_**Hpfreak2008: **_To answer your question on the one o'clock thing, I had it in my head that Lily crashed in a fairly rural area meaning it would take a little while before anyone could find her. But I can't give too much away because there will be an explanation much later on. And I do have this story all mapped out. It's not written but I have little notes that I make in my notebook. I always like to make a little guideline for myself before I start on a story, partly because I love foreshadowing which you saw with the elephant painting. Thanks for the review; hopefully I answered your questions correctly.

**Author's Note: **I'm so glad everyone saw where the foreshadowing took place and enjoyed it. Also, yep, that's where my summary came into play- I'm very pleased to see some of you were still wondering about that. Anyway, the reviews are beyond anything I could have ever imagined, I'm so lucky to have you guys on my side, thank-you.

……

It's been a week. School has become a silent movie hell. The halls are a crowed mess of apologetic smiles and false tender eyes. I drag each foot, one after the other, like lead. I feel so heavy. (_Crush! The world is pushing and pushing, I wonder, how long can I last?_) Homework means nothing; my pencil never rises to copy lector notes. I don't care. I' am a slug. I' am a light shade of grey, fading away slowly but each day becoming apart of the wall, apart of the sad caged high school atmosphere.

I haven't been able to gather my courage to see her. Since the accident I've spent most of my time crying under the covers and neglecting my schoolwork, my life. I pressed pause the moment I saw her face. The world is moving, it's spinning madly and badly on and I'm stuck in a rut of sorrow.

"You need to see her."

His voice is hard and solid. Oliver is very good at making you feel guilty. Too bad I'm not a person anymore, I' am the wall.

"Miley, look at me!" It's not a question or a humble request; he is leaning across the lunch table and glaring me down. Old Miley would have looked at him and cried, maybe even tried to come together and create a friendship treaty. But new Miley is angry.

"Don't talk to me, ever." I hiss meeting his eyes with my most threatening glare. His face softens at this, the frustration lines around his mouth and eyebrows weaken. Here comes the 'I'm sorry, we're going the same thing, lets be nice' speech.

"Miley…" He whispers. "I understand this is hard… but you can't handle this by yourself. You're not the only going through this."

I feel a growl rumble deep in my throat. "Yes I' am! She can remember your name, can she not? And she has all of your memories. She looks at me and… and there's nothing. The light in her eyes goes out." My voice breaks lightly at my words and I curse myself for being so weak.

"I'm sorry you feel that way. Last time I checked she's still in a hospital bed! She may not remember you, but it doesn't mean I hurt any less then you do. I love her, do you get that? At least you had her, even for a brief time. I will never know that kind of love, not with Lily." Oliver's eyes burn a very dark brown. His lips curve downward in an angered frown.

"Shut-up Oliver, she didn't want you. She'll never want you! Lily is going to remember me, and everything will be perfect again!" I scream throwing my trash away and storming off. With my head down and hands clenched tight I hurriedly navigate my way through the cafeteria. Tears steaming down my cheeks I lean my back against Mrs. Fredrick's closed door and let out a weak cry.

"Miss. Stewart?"

Wiping away the hot tears and sniffing loudly I meet Mrs. Fredrick's eye. "Hi." I reply in a small voice.

"Is this going to become a regularly routine? Will I constantly have to sort through your problems?" Her eyebrow arching up into her hairline.

I shrug and sniff again. My eyes are burning with another over whelming urge to cry. My nose is wet and hot.

"Come along then." She sighs. I get up slowly and she unlocks her door and we walk inside. She sets down her blue bag and reaches for the light switch.

"Keep is off, please." I say referring to the lights.

"Very well then." Mrs. Fredrick agrees sitting down. "… I heard about Miss. Truscott."

"I don't want to talk about it." I say taking a chair and pulling it to the back of the room. "I just want to paint."

She says nothing as I gather colors on my old pallet. I dab my brush into the navy blue and make a long streak running down the page. I haven no idea what I'm doing. I just need to… keep my hands busy, keep my mind on something else.

"Do you wish to discuss it, now?" Mrs. Fredrick asks, for the first time, shyly.

"Do you want to talk about _Molly_?" I bite back fiercely turning around swiftly so she can see my red tear stained face.

"It's better to release your anger, talk to me. Forget the paints for the moment; tell me what you are thinking." She presses further.

"Please…" I beg quietly. "Just let it go…"

"No!"

I place my paintbrush down and tiredly collapse into a chair. "There's nothing to say. She was taken from me. Lily is there, sitting in a hospital bed, she can laugh, smile, and speak but not to me. I'm only a stranger to her… and it hurts, it hurts so bad, right here." I say placing my hand over my aching heart.

"And so that is where we will start, Miss. Stewart, fixing that heart of yours."

I'm leaning up against my car. The wind is beginning to pick up; I pull my brown sweater closer to my body. My eyes stare straight ahead. Determination is surging through me. Biting down on my fear I walk forward through the glass sliding doors. There is a phone ringing. A group of doctors walk swiftly passed me, arguing over a patient's meds. My chest tightens as I reach the front counter. The same nurse is sitting there filling out a chart.

"I'm…" I stop and glance around the room. There's still time to run, sprint down the hall and never look back. The nurse looks up at me with her dark eyes and smiles, it's a little forced. "I'm here to see a Lily Truscott."

Her name slips from my lips in a fluid motion making me shiver. The nurse, her nametag reads Francis, leans over making the chair squeal. She opens a file cabinet. "Does Lily Truscott know about your visit?" she asks still searching for something.

"No." I reply with my hands deep in my pockets and forehead beginning to sweat.

"Are you related?"

"Friend." I say, and suddenly wishing I could scream lover instead. Francis nods and opens a yellow folder and begins reading.

"Oh! I know Lily." She laughs. "Such a darling girl… I was with her this morning."

"How is she?" I'm leaning into the counter now, my hands grasping the ends and my eyes wide with anticipation.

"She's doing well, better then most in her case." Francis frowns at this notion but then smiles brightly, a real smile. "But Doctor Darcell is one of our best. Your friend should be back at home shortly, she's in room number 501 today, that's on the third floor."

The elevator is quiet. I stand alone in the corner and practice my breathing (_In and out… in and out…_) The doors open with a ding and I'm greeted with five sleep deprived doctors trying to squeeze in as I push my way out. I gulp as I begin my walk down the hallway. The third floor is very cold and so far lifeless. My footsteps echo on the pale tile through the endless hall.

I stop and my heart beats quicken, room 501 is before me. Her door is closed. I don't hear any sounds, no movements. My hand finds the knob, its cool sliver handle tingles across my hot sweaty palm. Just do it! Open the stupid door! Open it! Open it!

I bite down hard on my bottom lip and push forward. _Click_. The door is open, sunlight floods the room, burns my eyes. I take three steps inside and the door closes behind me. Her head slowly turns to me. It's now that it dawns on me, I never thought about what I would say. I push the hair out of my eyes and watch her.

Lily is propped up on the bed. Her face is still severely bruised and swelled. But the rings around her eyes have softened. The image of her here still makes my insides twitch with a sickened guilt. I wish I was there. I wish I could have done something to prevent this.

"W-Who are you again?"

_Oh god_. The knife that was jabbed into my heart one week ago turns slightly making me cringe.

"I'm Miley…" I whisper trying to control my shaking voice.

"Oh…" She says her voice sounds better, still a little scratchy but at least her communication skills haven't decreased. "And what were we exactly?"

My hand reverts to clutching the place above my heart in a vain attempt to lesson the growing pain of that knife as it guts me deeper. I want to run to her and plea loudly: I'm your girlfriend! I'm the only person who has touched and kissed every inch of your body! I know that one place behind your ear that makes you melt in my arms! I'm your soul mate, your other half!

"I was your friend." I say weakly.

"Oh…" She says again looking down at her clasped hands. "Good friends?"

"The best…" I answer through a clenched jaw; my body is stiff but slowly breaking. I can't do this.

"Would you like to sit?"

My eyes finally meet hers. Those beautiful blue eyes are foggy with a cloud of confusion and shyness. I nod and drag a plastic red chair over to the side of her bed and seat myself in it.

I take a moment to glance around. There's a small counter close to her bedside it holds a glass of water and stack of books along with an older photo album I've seen countless times in the Truscott household. I wonder if they've even tried to get her to remember me. I wonder if they even want her too.

"I'm sorry." She blurts out.

My head snaps up back to her face. "Why?"

"This must be really hard for you… not too mention strange… I'm sorry I can't remember…" Her head bows sadly and my stomach makes a sharp turn.

"It's not like you meant for this to happen. If anything, I'm the one who should be sorry. You're in the hospital bed, remember?"

I see the smallest trace of a smile grace her perfect lips, but then it's gone as she meets my eye. "So we are best friends?"

No! Girlfriends! Lovers! "Yes." I say attempting a smile.

She looks at me, and for a spilt second I see my Lily flash before me. Her eyes burning intensely and her lips curved in an ever witty and sexy smile, and then it's gone. The new Lily is shoved forward and she shakes her head.

"…How's your head?" I ask lamely wiping my sweaty hands on my jeans.

"It hurts." Lily cringes slightly turning away.

"Right…" I don't know what to do. How can I make her remember? How can I get her to open up to me? Lily is the one who started our friendship; she was and always will be the brave one.

"Tell me something." She asks softly as I look up.

"Like what?"

"Like anything, about us, or better, about you."

What is there to say? "I'm… well I'm from Tennessee, originally."

"Do you miss it?" She's leaned back in her bed now, trying to concentrate on me and not the pain, her eyes always were so very readable.

I shrug. "Sometimes, but I have you and Oliver, so I'm happy."

The air conditioner starts up with a rumble. Lily shivers under the sheets. If only we were under different circumstances, I would climb into her bed and wrap myself around her frail cold body. I dig my nails into my palms, I will not cry, I will not cry.

"I hate hospitals." I say aloud.

"Me too." She agrees trying to pull the covers closer to herself. Now this I can do, I stand and adjust her blankets. I don't bother feeling awkward and unsure, this is Lily. She was my friend once and she will be again.

"Thank-you."

I nod.

She looks so tired. Her eyes drop and she yawns slightly, but tries her best to cover it with her hand. Lily looks adorable when she's tired. I want to kiss her nose and whisper, "_Sweet dreams_…"

"I should go." I say getting up placing my hands in my pockets.

"No!" Her eyes snap. "I mean… I just I want to know you again."

"I should let you rest."

I'm not tired." She's so stubborn.

"Your face disagrees." I say with a tight weak smile. She sighs, a little defeated.

Lily claps her hands together in her lap. "Will you… will you come back?"

"I-" I can't! I can't!

"Please, come back…. Come back…. Miley." She's testing the waters with my name fresh on her pink lips. Her eyes are sad and lost and I can't deny her.

"I will."

I shut the door just as Mrs. Truscott comes rounding around the corner. "Miley!" She waves me over. "Oh, it's so good to see you here!" She hugs me. That's odd. She lets go and smiles sadly at me. "I'm so sorry."

"Me too."

Mrs. Truscott pulls out a Kleenex and dabs her nose and then walks inside Lily's room. I walk down the hallway. I spot the bathroom. I open the door. Not rushing, I slide into one of the stalls and then, I throw-up.

One visit down a million more to go. I stand now, and move my heavy feet to the sink where I rinse out my mouth fix my hair and walk out. I wait until I'm buckled into the seat of my car to let the tears fall. The radio stays off; I listen to my muffled cries and put the car in drive.

"… I should have gotten you something… hospitals are so dreary. Maybe sunflowers." I say. It's my fourth visit. We are sitting in her room soaking up the sun from the window. The door is open and you can hear the nurse's gossiping and laughing.

"Those are my favorite!" Lily grins.

"I know." I whisper my lips rising at the corners. Lily looks embarrassed.

"Oh right, of course you do…. Memory is funny… I mean I can remember my parents and Oliver but my memories _with _them are so fuzzy. It's like I can't place certain things and it hurts my head. There are these flashes of the past hitting me every time I close my eyes. And you, my head can't remember you but…" She stops and blushes a deep shade of red making my heart quicken with the growing need to kiss her.

"But I feel like I know you… does that make sense… it's like my _body _secretly knows you… when you walked in I felt something." Lily finishes while gazing out the window. "Is that possible?"

I lick my dry lips and nod. "Yes… _yes_…" I reach for her hand on the bed. I touch it and she jumps a little her eyes screaming with worry and uncertainty. Her hands are _ice_. "Is this okay?" I ask hurriedly.

"You're my friend, it shouldn't matter, right?" She seems nervous. "I'm sorry I rambled earlier, it seems that I do that… but," She closes her eyes and then looks back at our hands.

"Lily?"

"I don't… I don't know you… I'm sorry." She says her voice thick with emotion as she takes her hand away. My heart dies. "I want too, though… I made a list."

"What kind of list?"

"Of questions I wanted to ask you. My mom has a photograph of us at the beach that she brought in this morning and I suddenly had all these things I wanted to know about you… and us." She tries to move over in bed to reach for a folded sheet of paper on the counter. But she fails and ends up wincing and holding a hand lightly over her head.

"I'll get it." I jump up, not wanting to see her pained expression and know I can't simply hug and kiss it away. I grab the crinkled sheet and hand it to her.

"Thanks."

I shrug and sit back down. I can't understand what I'm feeling at this moment. At least she's trying. At least she isn't pushing me away screaming. But being the selfish girl that I' am, I want more.

"How did we meet?"

I ponder before laughing slightly. "You sort of just sat down next to me at the lunch table in sixth grade."

"Really?" She seems surprised at herself.

"You are a very outgoing person, Lily, sometimes a little to blunt but personally I think it just adds to your charm." I say lightly in a joking matter and it works I gain a small smile from her. "And that was it I was completely smitten with you and we became friends."

"Simple enough." She says marking that off. She stops now and looks at me. "I like spending time with you."

"I'm glad to hear it."

"The doctors say I'll be able to leave soon and go home. But I won't be able to go back to school just yet." She tells me fumbling with her pen.

"That's not necessary a bad thing." I joke. "But it's good you'll be getting out of this place. I don't like knowing you're here."

She gives me a weird look. I want to question it. Just like I know she wants to question me. But instead we stay silent.

…

**Author's Note: **I'm really sorry about the wait. I just haven't been able to write this like I use to. It's getting difficult to get interested in it again, but don't worry I'm not giving it up. Also, if you haven't try checking out my new Miley/Lily story called _**Paper Cuts**_. It's written in a different style but hopefully it'll be enjoyable. Leave your thoughts.


	16. Hush

**Author's Note: **Coming back to this story was like returning to an old lover- soft and familiar but with traces of awkwardness. So, I apologize in advance for any stiffness in the text. Although, you will notice the scenes involving the characters are very short and choppy and time moves by rapidly. This, of course, was done on purpose concerning Miley's state of mind.

One more note, I want to… at least try and beg for your (my faithful and wonderful reader) forgiveness. I have been away for far too long. Reasons for this disappearance are still under construction. I often become fairly melancholy. But now, without further ado, here is the next chapter. Enjoy.

…

It's funny. I'm lying in bed, my arms out stretched and head throbbing, but it keeps coming back- that feeling, that raw emotion. I just can't sit without her face shimmering into my mind. I turn my head and lean into the pillow; her smell lingers over the sheets, my clothes, and sometimes if I imagine hard enough, my skin still carries the faintest scent of her lavender perfume. This is madness and I open myself to it fully…

I swirl my paintbrush into the paint slowly. The brush is wet and perfect for tiny detail. Mrs. Fredrick is sitting up front. The classroom is empty. I _feel_ empty. It's no longer the deep hidden sorrows that bleed through me that keep me up at night. Instead, it's the thought that I will never be able to kiss her, touch her.

I'm not angry anymore. The once seething fire that raged on inside my veins has died. And now I'm left with the ruins only a fire can create. I want to scream: "Save me! Help me!" I can't handle this new feeling.

Hopelessness.

The sheer utter of that word makes me cringe and wither away in the growing wind that is my torment.

_Bad Miley: Stop being so dramatic!_

_Old Miley: ..._

_Bad Miley: Aren't you going to answer?_

_Old Miley: ..._

I drop the paintbrush and sink down onto the ground. "How did you do it Mrs. Fredrick?!" I cry out. "How could you live after she was gone?!"

Mrs. Fredrick walks over swiftly and stands tall before me, a cowering shadow in the wall corner. She firmly grabs my upper arms and pulls me up. She stares straight into my eyes. There's so much depth to her green almond shaped eyes. And she glaring into me with all her might.

"_You _have to be strong." Her words are very quiet, a whispering hum of the wind. "_You_ have to learn to walk, talk, and breathe again. When your heart is trampled on, Miss. Stewart time dissolves. The world means nothing. You have to be the one to rise up." She's still gripping my arms fiercely.

I don't bother to stop the warm salty tears as they cascade down my cheeks. We stare a little longer. I want to uncover her eyes, see her hidden sorrows. We share a common bond. An unspoken tragedy. She releases her grip and fixes her hair and skirt and lets out a breath.

I'm still frozen in place.

Fists clenched in deep set determination, I walk forward. I push open the door with a great might and… I look around the room, it's empty. The sheets are still rumpled I walk slowly to them and touch the fabric, still warm.

"Miley?"

I whip around and Doctor Darcell is smiling at me. "Looking for Lily? She's outside in the garden area."

The sunlight burns my eyes a little. I shield its heated gaze with a weak hand and search the grounds. Lily is in a wheelchair next to the flowers. Her eyes are shut and hands clasped neatly in her lap. She's still wearing an ugly hospital gown but her face is bright with an earthy glow. I walk up to her, I want to get as close to Lily as I can without her knowing. I just want to bask in her new beauty.

"I'm glad your back."

I jump at her voice. She opens her eyes and gives a gentle smile. "H-How did you know it was me?"

Lily's lips curve up in a fuller grin. "I smelled you. You smell so familiar like honey and vanilla…Come, sit with me." She pats the bench next to her. I sit and the old bench creaks under my weight.

"How have you been feeling?" I wonder aloud smiling nervously.

Lily shrugs. "It comes and goes… but last night I had this dream. It was of me and you. But it was like a movie I was standing off to the side watching everything unfold… I've been having dreams like that a lot."

I'm squeezing my hands together tightly now, so hard that it hurts. So close. I want to reach for her hand. Lily locks eyes with me and I loose all thought.

"What do you think it means? In my dream we were in a car."

I'm not focusing well on her question, rather her lips, skin, eyes. It's now that I deiced it's not fair to her. Why should I keep our relationship a secret? Lily loves me, she always will, not even a memory loss can break our bond.

"Pinkerton." I say after a moment. "That was the name of the car."

I'm staring out over the treetops, beyond the cold stone hospital walls.

"Miley?"

My name on her plump red lips has never sounded so good. "Miley I-"

It's subtle, the way the world stops. It's all in slow motion. Lily places her hand on her head and leans forward. She moans and rocks forward in her wheelchair.

"Lily!"

I'm fast standing up. I place my hand on her back, it's the only contact we've had in weeks and for a second I'm cross eyed with a deep hidden memory- the last time my hand was on her back she was straddling me in bed.

I shiver but a small whimper from her mouth brings me crashing back to the here and now. "Lily, baby, what's wrong?"

I'm down on my knees in front of her. Lightly I brush her hair back, trying not to fumble with the bandage still wrapped around her head. The sun is hot on my back and I hear voices of nurses as they come rushing over. I don't want them to touch her, I want to help, I want to save her.

"Talk to me." I beg as tears pour from her firmly shut eyes.

"I see it." She whispers. "Oh god, oh god."

A nurse places her hand on my shoulder. "You should go; we need to bring Lillian back to her room to rest."

I shake my head. "No! She's remembering! Go get Doctor Darcell!" I'm frantic as I swing my hand out to push them away.

"Lily." I ask her calmly leaning in so that she is the only one that can hear me. "What do you see?"

She sniffles. "A car… I'm in a car… and it's dark. I'm alone."

My heart weeps and I suck in a quick breath. Alone, alone, she was all alone in a smashed car while I was fast asleep, warm in my bed.

Her eyes open slowly and I'm instantly mesmerized by her vivid baby blue eyes. I swallow hard. "I remember the accident." She whispers, her hot breath on my face, it feels nice, being this close again.

"Miley… it was… I don't want to know… I don't…" She's blubbering, head shaking, tears flowing. Wrapping my arms around her I pull her even closer making sure her head is cradled tenderly between my shoulder and neck.

"You don't have to tell me anything. I'm here, your safe." I will protect her. I will be whatever she needs me to be. But I know that I must keep our relationship secret, it's too much pressure to put on her.

Being home sitting in the dark of my living room has never been so depressing then it is right now. The television gives me no escape, in fact, it is a distant reminder as are the magazines with mine and 'Lola's' pictures on them from a party a few months back. There are articles out wondering where Hannah has gone. I've cancelled all my tours and concerts as of right now.

I can't smile.

I can't move.

How am I supposed to entertain an auditorium full of energetic fans?

I roll over on the couch and pull the large blanket with me, I just want to sleep and forget, sleep and forget…

"Miles… Miles please wake up."

A soft hand is on my shoulder. In vain I squeeze my eyes all the more tighter and try to pretend a female voice is calling to me. In a sad attempt I try to imagine it is Lily. I open my eyes when the hand reaches my face.

"Hi daddy." I smile weakly.

"There's my girl." He says taking a seat as I rub the sleep from my eyes and sit up slowly. "Lily's mom called, she said Lily's at home now."

"Really, that's great." I mumble looking at my hands. My dad wraps a protective arm around me and pulls me very close.

"It's hard, I'm not going to try and understand what you are going through Miley, but, if you're going to help Lily you need to pick yourself up first." He tells me with kind warm eyes and I know he is right.

"But it's just so hard." I whimper, my voice breaking at the last word. "She's my world… and she c-can't remember… Why? She didn't deserve it! I hate… I hate…" I clench my hands into tight balls and hold in my tears a little longer. I let out a long breath and look to my dad.

He looks too old in this dim light. Wrinkles, traces of gray hair and I can't help but wonder, did I do this to him? Making myself a lifeless zombie- did that make him age so quickly?

"Dad, could you take me to see her?"

He smiles; it's a good smile, one that makes me feel like a little girl again. "I'm ready if you are." He helps me up and we are off.

"It's good to see you Miley." Mrs. Truscott says opening the door fully and I step inside. My dad leaves, giving us privacy. I don't see Mr. Truscott anywhere. The house smells the same, looks the same, but it gives me an icy chill for an odd reason.

"Where's umm… where's Lily?" I clear my throat and anxiously dart my eyes around the room. I think I'm sweating a little under my arms and on the palms of my hands. Maybe being back here Lily will regain some kind of memory. I'm nervous and a little excited with my new found strength, I'm ready to fight for her.

"Lily is upstairs. Miley I… never mind." Mrs. Truscott shakes her head and points to the stairs. I would question her motives but my growing need to see Lily is burning inside me so I leave her to her thoughts.

Walking up the stairs I take big gulps of air, I want to fill my whole body, to prepare for the heart ache that is to come. I walk rather slowly down the hall, watching my feet carefully.

Her door is open. She is sitting on the edge of her bed looking around; pensiveness is woven into her deep blue orbs. "Hey." I wave to her giving a soft smile.

She seems happy to see me. Her lips curve into a small grin. "Making the rounds I see." She says humorously.

"What?"

"Oliver was just here… you missed him by a second, really." Lily tells me and I don't know why but it bothers me that Oliver got here first. "We played cards; reminisced a little about middle school… and you… he told me a few things about us."

"Like what?" I ask, curiosity has clearly gotten the best of me and my jealousy of Oliver leaves me quickly.

Lily just shakes her head. "Not much… would you like to sit?" She points to the place right next to her. I walk over with caution. After I settle into the bed I have a quick flash of the fateful afternoon Lily's mother found us tangled up together here. I blush a deep scarlet.

"I want to… to apologize for my little 'episode' a few days back when you came to see me… that doesn't seem to happen a lot… oddly enough only when I talk to you." Lily whispers clasping her hands together. She stares at the floor.

I watch her closely. The doctors removed the bandages and I take note of the horrific damages done to the sides of her head, large bruises in the mist of healing, they are now turning an ugly yellow.

"There's nothing to be sorry about… I just wish you wouldn't have remembered that particular memory about the crash." I tell her, staring intently at her injuries. We're sitting fairly close. I feel the heat from her body radiating off her and onto me. I close my eyes for a brief moment.

I want to remember this feeling, close but not quite touching. "Miley." Her voice is husky. I shudder and clear my throat again.

"Y-Yes."

It's quiet, I swallow hard. The room suddenly feels several degrees warmer. I'm waiting as patiently as I can for her to answer. I'm feeling a little unstable at the moment. (Edgar Allen Poe type of unstable.)

"After you left I… I saw something else… you touched me, I mean while you were hugging me in the garden…I felt so safe, so warm. And I remembered an afternoon of us on a bench together. We were reading the paper?"

I nod fiercely. "Yes… we had breakfast together that morning…"

"Because we were skipping school!" Lily announces happily, "I was kidnapping you because… because…" She closes her eyes and then opens them and sighs in defeat. "Sorry I can't…" She shakes her head.

"It's fine." I say softly.

"No." Lily frowns angrily. "It's not."

Lily has difficulty walking, she tends to stumble slightly. Often she can't spell the simplest of words her vocabulary still shines but her spelling has decreased greatly. Sometimes she can't focus, her eyes phase out and her mind is gone. But, today I'm putting all of those painful realizations behind me. Today, because the weather permits it, we are going to the beach.

No rain.

Only blue skies.

Only sunshine.

Be happy, I tell myself, be happy she is alive.

Lily is currently lounging on a blanket. Her parents have accompanied us on this trip along with Oliver. They are frightened for her to go anywhere by herself, I cannot blame them, but I need time alone with her.

Only through touch will I get her to remember. But Lily has been making it extremely difficult to get closer. She seems to be avoiding all contact completely.

She looks almost normal, sitting on a brightly colored towel with a small content smile gracing her slightly bruised features. You are beautiful, I want to tell her. You are my one and only, I want to whisper in her ear.

Restrain yourself, I feel my body hiss.

Oliver is gabbing away, talking about anything under the sun, skateboarding, school; I know what he is trying doing. He keeps throwing me sympathetic glances in attempts to lighten the feel of the day which is tearing me down into a new deadly spiral.

I need to paint.

I look to Lily; I want to paint her just like this- a broken porcelain doll. (But my damaged baby doll.)

She is sitting up looking ridged and nervous now. Every so often she will give an encouraging smile to her parents as if to say: 'I'm fine, no worries. I'm normal again.' Her mother and father are sitting close together pretending to be talking about work.

I take my opportunity when no one is looking to lightly brush my fingertips over her hand.

And electric current seems to spark as I let my finger linger a little longer then necessary. Lily jumps slightly. She eyes me with a dark look of uncertainty. "Miley… I…" She slides her hand out from under mine. "I'm s-sorry." She turns from me, her body language screams discomfort.

Hopelessness.

We sit; everything feels so formal and planned. This is not how Lily and I were, even before our relationship the friendship we shared was free, passionate, and playful. We're sitting at her kitchen table now late on this Sunday evening.

I clutch my glass of lemonade; the water droplets run slowly down and land on my hand. The cool water feels nice. My neck is on fire as Lily twists her hands up and bites her bottom lip.

"Lily," She perks up and looks to me as I speak, "I've decided… instead of pressuring you, trying to get you to remember everything, let's just make a few memories right now. Why don't we just start over?"

I feel faint as a ghost of a smile creeps up and across her face. "I'd like that…"

We share a wounded smile and she takes a sip of her drink. I watch her hands carefully every move and small mannerism of hers has stayed the same. The way she purses her lips at the sour taste of the lemonade. The way she bites her nails or hums softly to herself when it gets a little _too _quiet.

My smile widens when I notice her looking back at me. I watch her eyes transcend from a light sky blue to a dark navy. Her hair falls into her face, out of it's loose braid. Another memory surges through me like a silent black and white movie.

She reaches to fix it, but much like last time, I move swifter. I lean across the small table. I let my fingers brush the golden strands of her hair back behind her ear. My touch is soft, light, a gentle caress. I wait, biting down hard on the inside of my cheek.

Lily is not focusing. She lets her eyes flutter before closing them fully. I keep my hand near her cheek. I lick my lips and Lily does the same. I wait, hovering just an inch taller then her.

"Miley…"

What is it about the way she whispers my name that makes my knees weak and insides flare up in admiration towards her? I would die happily if that's the very last sound I ever heard. My name humbly hushed from her pink lips.

I can't seem to find my voice. The sun sets through the window wrapping it's golden rays around us. Speak to me! Speak to me, Lily!

"We were never…" She begins, licking her lips again and opening her eyes very slowly, "_just _friends… were we?"

Silence sweeps into the room. My throat is suddenly dry as an icy shiver runs ragged down my back. I pull away from her, recoiling my hand and rocking back on the balls of my feet. Once again I'm struck between my own selfishness, my want to scream from the rooftops that we are lovers. And again I'm conflicted with what Lily needs, which is time.

…

**Author's Note: **(long dramatic sigh) Well? Don't worry it will get better. Leave your thoughts.


	17. Wind

**Author's Note: **And I'm back! Feeling better then last time, thank-you for your concern.

_**Greyiron-93: **_It is spelled 'Lilly' but ironically enough long ago when I first started out someone told me it was 'Lily.' And I've used that ever since. In my next Miley/Lilly story it will be correct but for the rest of this story and _**Paper Cuts **_it will be kept 'Lily' because I hate changing things like that in the middle of a story. (I'm crazy just go with it.)

_**To Everyone Else: **_I love you, truly I do, and your reviews mean the world to me. I know I was away for far too long and you can crucify me later, promise, just let me finish my stories.

…

I'm closing my eyes now. The darkness sooths my frazzling mind and besides seeing her this way- eyes wide, lips slightly parted- it makes my blood sizzle and burn in an unpleasant nature. I want to touch her warm cheeks and reassure her that no, we are strictly friends. I can't be the one to break her. I can't be the one to tell her that we are (were) in love and the world is against us, hates us.

I open my eyes, slowly. She's still there, sitting at the table, waiting. My knees buckle slightly. I feel like I'm going to be sick.

"Miley… are you alright?" Lily's voice fills me whole but suffocates me with its deep woven sincerity. _Oh god_.

"I'm… you…" My breathing comes hard and fast, sweat forms on my palms. What do I do? Say? "Where would you get an idea like that?" I smile nervously. Playing dumb never ever works.

"Oh." Lily's face closes, her mouth turns down and she fidgets awkwardly with her hands. "It's just… well…"

"Do you remember something?" That sounded too eager I cringe slightly and back farther away from her.

Lily bites her lip. "I don't know… it's strange."

"Tell me."

Her eyes cast down to the floor. "It's embarrassing." She whispers. "Miley, sometimes… it could just be a dream."

"What was it?" I hiss. My tone appears too harsh because Lily's head snaps to me with a hurtful expression. "I'm sorry." I say quickly ducking my head in shame. "It's just…"

"Frustrating." She nods in understanding.

"Yes." I breathe out while finally really meeting her eye. Lily settles back into her seat.

"I saw us in the principal's office…" She begins. "Or I remember it… or something. But I punched a girl… I hit her for you. Why?"

I open my mouth, gathering what is left of my courage. "Lily we-"

The back door swings open. Mrs. Truscott comes stumbling in with her arms filled with two brown grocery bags. "Oh, hello girls." She smiles setting the bags down and flipping a strand of her hair back out of her face.

"Are you staying for dinner Miley?" The question comes as a surprise. Mrs. Truscott and I haven't spoken since the rather awkward short conversation at the hospital.

"No, I should go." I say quickly and like a coward I run away, tail between my legs. Seeing my house comes as a great relief. After closing the front door behind me I walk slowly up the stairs. I need a break.

I like taking hot showers. Let the bathroom fill with breathtaking steam, let the water burn my back, make it sizzle. I need to scrub my skin clean with the soap, rub it till it's raw. I lean my head forward into the pouring water and let my body shake. My teeth chatter. My bones tremble as I feel a new fit of tears rattle up my spine.

The steam rises and I pull myself back from the pounding water and breathe in the humid air. The shower is the perfect place for a quick breakdown/cry. Flipping the handle of the shower I pull the curtain back and dry off. The post warm shower air is cold and runs an icy finger up my back. Shivering I slip into a large bathrobe and begin combing my hair. The fluffy robe on my damp skin feels so good, claming.

"Breathe." I tell myself, hands clutching the edge of the white skin. "Breathe." And for once I take my own advice and breathe steadily. I let a small fragment of hope rise up in my chest. It spews through my body. The warmth gives comfort. For the first time in a long time I feel a smile on my face. She's remembering. _She's remembering…_

It's funny how school seems to be the least of my worries. I just… don't care. Oliver offers little if any comfort to me. He seems to only add to my distress with his 'sorry' eyes and brief hand squeezes.

Mrs. Fredrick, even now, brings me no joy. I haven't been a loyal student to her. And now sitting in her class one dreadful Thursday afternoon I can't bring myself to paint. Bonnie has been eyeing me strangely again. She looks like she wants to say something. Or at least try and help. I don't need help; I just need Lily, always Lily.

"Miss. Stewart!" Mrs. Fredrick beckons with one of her long fingers, signaling for me to follow her outside of the classroom.

Standing slowly I follow her with my head down. She looks angry as she closes the door. "Why are you not participating?" Mrs. Fredrick asks me with a peeved scowl.

I lean up against the gray way and sigh, my body aches everywhere. "Miss. Stewart, I will not tolerate laziness." She warns, green orbs flashing dangerously.

"I'm… having trouble concentrating, sorry." I shrug off her words with glazed eyes.

"I will not have it! You are in high waters, Miss. Stewart. No student of mine with lounge about, no matter the condition of your heart you will paint." She demands with a frowning brow. "As a friend Miley," My head snaps at the sound of my name, "As a friend I care. I won't let you fail." A hint of a kind smile is traced across Mrs. Fredrick's features for a moment before sweeping passed me.

I pull my thoughts together before following her back in and sitting down. She's right, I need to focus. I pick up my pencil and begin tracing light sketchy lines around the white paper. I'm going to beat this depression, this feeling and find my Lily in the mist of confusion.

"You're wearing make-up."

My blush deepens; it's nice to see her noticing. I haven't bothered with prettying up my face in a long while. But today after school I raced home and rekindled my association with my old friends.

"You like it?" I ask shyly gesturing to my face.

Lily pauses then nods. "I do, I mean you look… different happier… not that you don't look good without make-up, I mean you always look good but… I'm going to stop talking now." She babbles turning red and shaking her head.

I let a laugh fill the empty space and it relaxes the air. We're sitting in her room. Lily is at her desk with one of her legs resting underneath her and I'm standing near the door.

"What are you up to?"

"Oh," Lily looks back to her wooden desk, "I was writing. Just dabbling you know. My doctor, Darcell, she said it was good that I was taking interest in my old hobbies, honestly I haven't been feeling up to writing, or talking, or anything."

"Why not?" I wonder walking closer to her.

Lily shrugs. "It's weird. I've been having these flashes again. Doctor Darcell says it's really good but I can't place what's real or what order everything goes in. I'm all mixed up. It's like a puzzle… I get headaches a lot." She looks so sad. I want to take it all away; I want to give her a release.

"Sorry." I whisper reaching out and stroking her cheek. Lily takes a sharp intake of breath as my fingers come in contact with her cheek. Her eyes close.

"I know your touch." She says to me in a thick voice. "I know this, but it's so vague. Help me remember." Her eyes open.

I pull my hand back. "Lily." I sigh kneeling down in front of her.

"Don't lie to me. You're making it worse… I have all these _feelings_ for you. Tell me I'm not crazy, I did not imagine this." Lily's face scrunches up as her words and eyes become serious. "Please," She begs meekly taking my hand and placing it back on her cheek. I gulp and feel my skin burn. "Tell me." She whispers into my wrist.

The same burning sensation rises inside. It acts much like a building wave roaring in my ears. Mrs. Fredrick was right, high waters are all around me but I won't drown in it. I will pick myself up!

"I- I love you." My words are so raw, so soft all I have ever wanted for the last few months is to tell her this. But now, letting her lean into my touch as I confess my deepest thought, it does not feel right. I feel as though I've cheated her.

"There," She smiles, "That wasn't so hard now was it?" She leans in close to my face. "Is this a-alright?" Her lips brush my cheek.

"No!" I jerk away, almost falling back. "Lily… you don't have to-"

She shakes her head, her hair swaying back and forth. "Miley, its fine, this feels right." She takes both my hands in hers. "I may not remember everything but I know what I feel right now. I know how I want us to be." She runs her fingers across my lips.

"I d-don't understand…" I whisper, voice shaking, heart soaring.

"Kiss me." A quant request she asks and then- soft lips like flower petals closed in on mine. Oh, how I have missed this. I let my hands claim her hair once again. She pulls me in rediscovering my lips, my hips where her hands rest.

"Lily…" I say into her shoulder as she pulls away and kisses the side of my neck.

"Wait." Lily says looking into my eyes, her blues ones a dark navy flaming. "I brought you to poetry night. We… we confessed our secrets to each other on the beach. I brought you to Cat's Music store. You're Hannah Montana! I'm Lola! Miley, Miley!" She's crying now, tears streaming down her face rapidly, but her face lights up with a new realization. "I know, I remember… You're my sunflower girl." She says softly stroking my hair. She's pieced it all together, like a puzzle. But how did this happen? Why now? … Better yet, why does it matter?

Warm tears fall from my eyes as I let out a shaky laugh and dry her face with my sleeve. "You came back." I smile through my wet eyes.

She nods and quickly sits next to me on the floor. Our arms over lap into each other. We come together like one person, no longer separated into two lonely parts. "You drew my picture." She says tenderly in my hair. "You made me feel safe in your bed that night. You love me… you love me. _God_, Miley," She holds me tighter. "I was so lost…"

I shake my head. "Not anymore… I'm sorry I stayed away for so long."

"I just needed your touch, your kiss." She says, her warm breath on my skin making the small hairs stand to her mercy.

"Like Sleeping Beauty." I laugh softly wiping my eyes. She backs away, but only little.

"I love you." She tells me while tenderly caressing my cheek.

I sigh happily into her hands. "You have no idea how wonderful it is to hear…"

I'm sitting in Mrs. Fredrick's classroom; she's absent today which is very odd. The sun is shinning brightly through the windows it warms my back. I'm gluing down my painted flower pictures from long ago. I'm creating the collage I had for a moment forgotten. I'm cementing all the pictures on a large rectangular piece of cardboard. My hair is tied in a tight bun as I diligently work. The glue dries on my fingers, taking a break, I begin peeling it off.

I hope Mrs. Fredrick likes my work. I'm trying again and it shows in my grades. It's been two weeks since Lily's recovery. She's had to go in for many doctor appointments since then. Doctor Darcell is keeping a close watch over Lily. She's announced Lily's regained memory as a miracle. I personally don't care how it happened just that it did. We've been inseparable ever since.

Although she won't be able to come back to school at least for another month she's making such progress. I can't help but feel proud of her, she's come so far.

"Interesting." Bonnie remarks on my piece as she dries off her wet hands with a towel. "I really like the sunflower in the middle, makes me think of the sun, you know like a solar system of flowers." She laughs.

I nod and take in her words. "I never thought of that actually… but thanks I like that, solar system of flowers." The name feels nice over my rolling off my tongue.

As I'm about to dive back into my project my name is called over the intercom. I'm asked to head to the principal's office. The class snickers as I stand and grab a hall pass from the substitute with glazed over eyes.

As I walk the empty halls I desperately try and remember anything I've done in the past few weeks. This adds up to nothing, I've been an exceptional student, handing my homework in on time, never contradicting a teacher. And I've even been tolerant among my peers, which is a hard task considering I've become a prime target of mockery since Lily's and mine relationship.

The front office has a thick smell of lemon disinfectant today. Mrs. Burros points me to a waiting chair as she answers one of phones and takes a message. I plop down into the plastic chair next to a girl with a giant nose ring, which I' am trying my hardest not to gawk at.

She's smacking her gum loudly and rolling her eyes with her arms crossed over her chest. As time passes I'm growing rather aggravated. I'm missing my precious art class for this? Grumbling I slump into the chair and sigh loudly causing the nose ring girl to acknowledge me.

"Hey," She says between blowing a big pink bubble and popping it, "You're like that lesbian, right?"

It's funny how rude some students are about things, how blunt they are in asking. I'm not just a lesbian, my name is Miley Stewart I' am a singer, artist and yes I just happen to be in love with a girl.

"Yes." I say through a clenched jaw.

"That's totally wicked… how's Lily doing, anyway?" She asks picking at her nails.

It's now that I turn to face her. "You know Lily?" People are funny sometimes.

"Uh yeah, she's like awesome. We chill in drama together. The name's Quinn." We shake hands. "It's cool to finally meet you; all Lily ever talked about was you." She looks around the office. "Is she coming back?"

"Soon, next month." I promise her with a smile which causes Quinn to chuckle.

"Sweet, drama's been boring as hell without her." She smiles and slouches back into her chair and drums on her knees.

"Miley Stewart? Principal Frost will see you now...And Quinn you know the rules spit out that gum!" Mrs. Burros tells me and Quinn peeking up from her desk of ringing phones and mountains of paper work.

"Good luck M!" Quinn cheers holding up a fist and then rolling up her gum in a ball and flicking it out on the floor.

"Thanks." I laugh nervously. It's weird how Lily has affected people, how she can connect with so many other students.

"Have a sit Miss. Stewart." Mr. Frost says standing with his back to me as he gazes out the window.

It's strange being in here again. It feels like so long ago, like another life all together. The room is still the same but as Mr. Frost turns around to face me I see he has grown worse. He looks tired, a little beaten up around the eyes making me realize he probably hasn't been sleeping.

"I'm sorry for taking you out of your class, but I wanted to speak with you one on one." He says taking a seat, his slim fingers folding together and dark eyes settling in on mine. He doesn't look so scary now, not like before.

"I have heard from many sources that Lillian Truscott is recovering and will be attending school shortly. This is correct I hope." Mr. Frost questions.

I nod, "That is true."

"Good," He attempts a smile, "Good… now the reason you are here." Mr. Frost scratches his ear and clears his throat. "If you do recall the last time you were in my office it was under foul circumstances. To prevent this from occurring again, I want to make it perfectly clear to you, Miss. Stewart, that who you associate with is your business and should be kept outside of school grounds." He stops and makes a strong eye contact with me. Okay, now he looks scary, dark eyes burning into mine.

"Once you come to school it is not appropriate to flaunt your relationship, is this clear? I do not permit public displays of affections of any kind, weather that is between a boy and a girl or a girl and a girl." He says. "I want your word that once Miss. Truscott returns we will not have to see each other under these situations."

I'm not sure how to react, or better what to say. Should I be angry? If Lily was here I'm sure she'd know what to do. I long for her here with me. "Yes, Mr. Frost I understand." I reply meekly, what else could I do?

"Thank-you, you may return to class." He says standing up ready to lead me out the door.

"Wait," I stand up, knowing what I want to talk about. "Where's Mrs. Fredrick?"

He doesn't seem to enjoy my choice of topic discussion. "That most certainly is none of your business."

"But, I'm worried; I mean Mrs. Fredrick is never absent. Is something wrong?" It's humorous the way me asking questions actually gets myself all riled up. I suddenly have a picture of poor Mrs. Fredrick sick somewhere dying and it makes my head dizzy. I can't lose a friend not now, not yet when I just found her.

Mr. Frost, taking note of my worried eyes, shakes his head and holds up his hand to silence my questions. "Mrs. Fredrick takes this date off every year. She's in perfect health, I assure you."

"Why?"

He seemed to know my question was coming because he sits back in his chair and runs a hand through his gray hair. "I suppose Jane has already told you of our past history, correct?" Mr. Frost asks with a sad face, the wrinkles of old age more vivid now then ever before.

"Yes." I say softly sitting back down as well.

"Bet she painted me out to be the bad guy." Mr. Frost laughs weakly.

"No, not really." I mutter.

It's silent for a moment. I listen to the clock tick on the wall, and watch the sun shin through the window.

"Today is the anniversary of Molly's death." Mr. Frost informs me looking away from me.

"Oh." I'm so stupid, all I can say is- Oh, so stupid.

"I think you need to back to class now." He says in a hoarse voice. I don't say anything, I just leave.

Exiting the office Quinn smiles and waves I give a short wave back and begin walking back to class. I know Mrs. Fredrick is a teacher and I owe her nothing, but I wish she would have told me. I would have liked to buy flowers or at least given her a little note. Just something to let her know that I care, I'm here.

Time always ceases to exist around Lily; especially now that our lives are once again woven together in deep adoration for one another. Our bond seems stronger this time around; an unbreakable thread through these days of great trails.

I'm down in the warm sand now snuggled up into Lily's side as she wraps an arm around me and pulls me closer. We are being lazy today. Normally on an afternoon like this we would sit inside and try working on the puzzles and quizzes Doctor Darcell gave Lily to strengthen her mind back to its normal state. But the lonely beach beckoned us so we packed up a towel and left the homework tucked away.

I feel Lily's fingers run through my hair. She is gentle and warm in her caress and when she finishes I feel her place a soft kiss where her hands once played. The ocean is relatively calm today. Slow waves wash in and wash out. The ocean smell of salty air fills me and makes me yawn.

"Miley? Is that…" Lily squints her eyes as she speaks, "Is that Mrs. Fredrick?"

My eyes follow Lily's and sure enough on the far side of the barren beach is Mrs. Fredrick standing, tall but broken in a long black dress.

"Come on." I stand up and dust off my legs before lending a hand and pulling Lily up beside me.

We make the long trudge through the sand before reaching Mrs. Fredrick's side. She sees us coming and wipes her eyes quickly and then turns to face us fully. "Hello girls, Mrs. Truscott," She smiles weakly, "It's good to see you in healthy spirits."

"You weren't in class today." I tell her, now wondering if this was a good idea. Mrs. Fredrick seems to be the person to mourn alone and weep in solitude.

"No I wasn't. I take this date yearly for myself. Hopefully the substitute wasn't too dreadful over the years they've given me several… loons."

I shake my head no and try smiling. Lily fumbles with her hands nervously. "We would have brought flowers!" She blurts out and then blushes. "Sorry." She whispers.

I take her hand and Mrs. Fredrick nods while straightening out her dress in the growing wind. "Mr. Frost, right? He was never good at keeping secrets."

"I'm sorry, if you want to be alone…" I begin but she cuts me off with a raise of her hand.

"It's fine, really. I was… Molly loved the ocean. I let her ashes go over that ledge." She points to the large grassy hill that over looks the ocean. As the wind picks up Mrs. Fredrick's dress whips fiercely around her. She sighs tiredly. "Stupid skirt… I don't know why I'm wearing this god awful thing. She _hated_ black."

There is an awkward pause. What could anyone possibly say in a situation as this? I slide my hands into my back pockets and just stand quietly. I never knew Molly, I wish I did. It would be nice to see Mrs. Fredrick happy, alive again, like in the pictures. But we, as merely human beings, can't change the past. We can only look to the future and pray that it holds something good or at least a reasonably satisfying sigh at the end of each day.

I look to Lily, as I always do when I ponder over my life, and watch as her golden curls flow with the wind. Her head is down, taking a moment of silence for the beautiful Molly Goldberg. Mrs. Fredrick takes in a shaky breath.

"Do you want us to stay?" I ask.

Mrs. Fredrick smiles at me and then watches the slow waves crash in. "I would… yes, that would be nice, thank-you."

"What's your favorite memory of her?" Lily asks tucking a strand of her hair behind her ear.

Mrs. Fredrick closes her eyes for a brief moment and opens them with a smile on her pale face. "I couldn't possibly choose. She was my very best friend, the sun on my face. The air in my lungs… And even in death she's still here, like the wind… I wish you two luck, with everything."

Together Lily and I whisper a thank-you. And then… we watch the water, we let the day's ending ambers of light breathe its final breath. I feel connected with the earth as my feet stay rooted in the ground. I'm standing tall grasping Lily's hand.

One day we might fall, one day the world might catch up with us and tear us down. But I know I _know_ with every breath in my body that she will be there, Lily will be there, to pick me up. And I her. Together we will pull through. We will prevail- and that is my pray for the future.

Our love is an art form not of written words or painted pictures it is an art of intertwined hearts and locked hands. It is the one art that I will keep and treasure, even when I become like the wind.

"Lily?" I whisper as we lay in bed, after saying a soft goodbye to the melancholy Mrs. Fredrick.

"Yes?"

"Nothing… I just like knowing you're here, that it's not a dream." I laugh quietly in the milky moonlight.

"Never a dream," She says in a hushed voice while tracing an imaginary line around my lips, "I will always find you."

**End**

……

**Author's Note: **I needed to finish this, sorry. It feels done to me and I like knowing that I've finally completed a Miley/Lily story. And now I need to get back on track with _**Paper Cuts**_ and after that well… you decide. Which brings me to my question: Would you rather I write an Oliver/ Lily story or Miley/Lily? I'll let you decide because, well, you're the one who will be (hopefully if you don't find my writings too atrocious) reading it.

Anyway, thank-you for reading this and putting up with my horrible up-dating habits. I have taken all of your words to heart and I love hearing and writing with you guys. So, if the feeling awakens within you, rant and ramble to me- Leave your thoughts.


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